It has been an interesting trip. I planned in two days; Monday and Tuesday, and left Wednesday after golf with the Speed Queens, m’a girls. I put two foam mattresses, a plastic chest of drawers, a porta potty, a little food, my clothes, a lawn chair, and water in the van. I put my golf clubs and extra stuff in the rocket box. I was ready for weather between 20 and 100.
I knew approximately where I was going the first day because I was meeting Ed and mom in Twin falls, so I went that way. I didn’t have a place to stay, so I stayed at a truck stop. When I arrived, not being certain of homeless protocols, I inquired within as to the rules. I found the one woman working and asked her if I stayed in the parking lot if it was A) safe, and B) permissible. She assured me both were affirmative. I parked, covered all the windows, set up my camp, turned on my hotspot, turned on Netflix, poured myself a glass of wine, and settled in for the night. It was a bit loud, but I have ear plugs. It was fine. I think this is the adult equivalent of a blanket fort.
The next morning, I investigated Boise and enjoyed seeing all the sights, especially the historic homes on Warm Springs Road. After my wandering, I played golf at Warm Springs with Bob, Jeff, and Rick, retired golf buddies. Rick was my favorite of the three. He spent time in Portland and was a pretty hip dude. Jeff was quite serious and a pretty good golfer…. Until the 10th hole, when he fell apart and acted like a preteen, throwing his clubs and such. And Bob was kind of goofy and a follower. Our round was uneventful other than Jeff’s tantrums.
After the round, they invited me to a tavern. I accepted. When I arrived, I was fully expecting to be outside but there they were, inside. I joined, though since, I have decided I would and will decline all inside invitations moving forward.
The conversation started out nicely enough but as soon as Jeff learned that I was one of the “rioters in Portland” in his opinion, he wasn’t’ having it. I told him I was one of the moms and he took away, rioter. I explained that I have not been involved in any riots, only peaceful protesting and have been shot by rock salt, rubber bullets, and pepper spray. He said, “If you don’t like it, don’t go,” and he laughed. I tried to explain that our police force was using excessive force against the people of Portland and I was protesting that. It went back and forth. Quite frankly, I sat there and took it until I didn’t, at which point, I put Jeff in his place. He questioned my motives, who I was with (Antifa? WTAF?), why I wore riot gear, why I supported reform, etc. I shut him down explaining I am an American and it is my right. I have experienced protesting with each of my children over the summer and I will do it again unless things change. I told them how things did not get violent until the Police come, that many protesters work to stop fires, vandalism, and the throwing of projectiles. The crowds provide food, protective gear, medical care, etc. Jeff would not believe me because he had seen what was really happening on his news source. Gee, I wonder what that is?!? My firsthand experiences were nothing to him, he dismissed me and would not believe what I said. I was surprised how aggressive he was toward a single woman, traveling alone, who was his guest. I bet he’s a blast with his close friends. This conservative man, who claims he wants law and order, was, again, going off the rails. He showed me who he was on the golf course, this was not surprising. Bob went with Jeff, onaccounta, he’s a follower. Rick got disgusted with his friends and left. I think he’s surprised I didn’t storm out. I’m not afraid of a disagreement, or even a fight (at least in the safety of public).
That was a really good first interaction with people for me. I realized I needed to be a bit more incognito and protect myself a bit better. And, instead of saying I was from Portland, I decided to say I was from Oregon and quickly change the subject. This proved to be a better takt. Additionally, I asked way more questions than I answered. That is not always how I am, but I decided early on to make others defend their stance, be the offense. It’s safer, and I wanted to learn about people so this is how I moved forward as much as I could.
The next night I stayed at a KOA near Twin Falls because I had a 9am Tee time at Canyon Springs. It was AMAZING! I played alone, in 2 hours and 25 minutes, and shot a 92! Best round ever! I even hit one tree and lost one in the water. It was 28 degrees when I teed off and got up to 35. Thank goodness I planned for everything from the 20s to the 90s (no joke, and I ended up using almost all of it throughout the trip!)
CHECK OUT THAT HAZZARD on the 10th
Waterfall
New platform bed
I parked the van and put golf balls on the center console to assure that the van was level. I nailed two sets of the pieces together and set them in the van, slid the plywood on top and put golf balls on my platform…. they didn’t move. SUCCESS! I nailed the plywood onto the “legs”, reassembled my van and headed out. With the space under the platform I now had a “basement” for storage of things like my first aid kit, tools, umbrella, etc. HANDY!
After contacting mom and Ed, they were about an hour behind me, we decided to meet at the RV park instead of trying to stay together. It’s a good thing because I went a totally different way. I must have hit some setting on my device that sent me around Salt Lake (which is fine by me). It was a beautiful drive and a road I had not been on before. I saw the Devil’s Slide. Click it, it’s cool.
I made it to mom and Ed, we had a nice reunion, dinner, and I hit the sack, we were headed to Moab and I wanted to be ready.
We started out the next day together but decided we’d just touch base now and again so we weren’t driving each other crazy. It worked. We hit Arches. As always, it was beautiful. And, I didn’t realize they had not been there. As we headed out, mom informed me we weren’t staying, that we were pressing on. OK, no golf that day I guess. We went on through Monument Valley and stayed on the Navajo Nation. They were very serious about COVID and had check points going in and out. There were no services on the reservation except gas. No restaurants, no hotels, no stores, nothing if you’re not from there. We were good. Next stop, PHOENIX!
Mom and Ed had a RV place to stay in Phoenix, so I contacted my good high school buddy, Annette, who lives there, and she invited me with open arms. With COVID, it’s hard to know who is doing what. I was happy to stay in the driveway, but she insisted I stay in the house. It was Sunday and they do dinner with her parents every Sunday, so I was able to see and surprise Gary and Sveya. I’ve known them as long as I’ve known Annette. It seems strange that they were younger than we are now, then… nah, that can’t be. We had a nice time. Dinner, wine, lots of conversation (including race cars and politics. Gary is a Trump man), and plans. It was not too contentious because Gary is a good guy and just decided that we would agree to disagree, even on what was happening in Portland. Again, a conservative that would not believe what I have seen with my own eyes. The media is a powerful tool and the GOP has been using it against the people for political gain for years. It’s sad because it is straight manipulation. I have seen Portland in its glory and pain. Neither is reflected accurately by the press.
Gary and I dropped his race car off at the shop the next morning and teed off at 10am. We had a nice time, talked about golf, kids, cars (I want a race car), and old days. It was fun, I played mediocrely at best.
The next few days all blur together. My aunt Karen and I played golf with a strange dude who would not shut up. At one point he said to Karen, “You want to hit it…” and Karen shut him down (rightfully so), holding her hand up and saying, “I KNOW.” He stopped doing that. Annette and I played as well. She beat me by about 10 strokes but again, we had fun. We went out for an outdoor cocktail and appetizer afterward. I love being able to go to a place outside.
While I was there, I got to do laundry, reorganize the van, sleep in a real bed, shower, wash my hair, all the things you can do when you have a house. I was so grateful to have been able to spend time with Annette. It’s been a long time since it’s been just the two of us. The weather was perfect the whole time and I left with a full heart.
Karen and I and our RVs
At this point, the plan was; mom and Karen were headed to Atlanta to Rick’s, Ed was headed to Indio, CA where he was going to camp out until mom got back. My plan was to loosely follow Ed just in case he needed help. I worry about him traveling alone especially with his health as it is. As it turns out, Ed did have a breakdown, but he had a plan that was able to get some guys to him to get him going. After that, he was good.
I headed toward Palm Springs which is just past Indio. I took my time and decided to veer through Joshua Tree. I purchased an America the Beautiful Pass (including Yo’ Semite!) in Arches so, why not? It was beautiful! The rocks are crazy. They look like regular rocks only they’re 40 feet tall. The weird thing is there are no small rocks around them. Just giant rocks, regular rocks about a foot and smaller, and sand. I believe they must have been cracked into large pieces and the wind wore them into stone looking bits. With the amount of geology I’ve had, I think I’m pretty close. It looked like Bedrock from the Flintstones, very cool. Then there are the cacti and trees….
I also got to use my mom skills and planning. I stopped to take a picture and a woman came off of a trail with two massive cactus needles in her finger and they were barbed. We all masked up before I came close. I had all the right stuff and the knowledge that the only way out, was the same way they went in. Luckily, they came out whole. I handed over first aid supplies (and backups, cause, hello, I’m a mom) and went. They were very grateful. POINTS FOR MOMS!
I ended up in Palm Springs at a Truck Stop after picking myself up some takeout from a local CalMex? Place. It was pretty good. I had a tee time at 7:30 so I was headed to bed early.
I got up, got ready, and headed out to Tahquitz Creek, the Resort Course. I smacked a few at the driving range and teed off. At the first green I realized I left my Sand Wedge at the driving range. I was trying to go to fast and turned, caught my foot on my golf cleats, and caught myself on my right side. I popped up and drove back to get my stuff. I kept moving around to make sure I was OK and other than a little sore, I was fine. By the 18th hole, I was not. Shit. I don’t know at this point if something is just pulled or broken but my right peck, side is killing me. Like laying on it hurts. I was able to finish the round. I went sight-seeing around Palm Springs as much as I could. Most of the neighborhoods are gated. I am not crazy about that. We have enough “us and them” division in our country without extra gates. Is crime really that bad in Palm Springs? I doubt it, and it isn’t because of the gates.
I talked to mom, who assured me Ed would be fine in the area on his own (they have friends there) and she would be back soon so I should go. I wanted to start heading home, I was missing my family.
I stayed at a convenience store in Ranco Mirage, got up at 6:30 and headed toward Indian Canyons. I got coffee and headed up the Canyon. I arrived right as the gates opened so there was no one there and it was 72 degrees. I hiked Andreas Canyon….alone. I loved every moment. Next I hit Palm Canyon. There were about 20 people there and the temps had jumped to 80. I hiked around and headed out toward the PACIFIC, destination, unknown, via I-10.
Oasis
A tight fit
I drove through the desert, through the mountains, saw dinosaurs, saw Trump signs, saw Biden signs, lots of other signs who I don’t know. I was listening to NPR as I drove for about an hour and a half. It was the first time I had listened to the radio other than a five-minute, top of the hour, news flash in days. I found myself getting agitated. Four or five times that day, when I had started my car, Diana Krall’s S’Wonderful came on and I kept turning on the radio. When I noticed that I was getting agitated, I let it play. I didn’t fight it anymore. It was the right thing, and then two minutes later, I came around the corner in Ventura and BAM, there was the PACIFIC. It put a giant smile on my face, the whole thing. The fact that I was headed home, that I wanted to go home, that my phone turned on tunes for me at the right time for no reason, that the Pacific Ocean screams HOME to me.
I drove up the coast as my phone continued to play DJ. I don’t know what it’s playlist was but it included everything on my phone; kids’ books, my audio books, kids music, classical, rock, jazz, comedy, opera, RnB, pow wows, train noises, Gregorian chants, rap, go America music (for when that was fun for me), everything. Obviously, I skipped through most of it, but it was fun thinking about all the memories we made as I was adding all of that to my iPod(s), iPhones, etc.
At 10 minutes till sunset, I hit Pismo Beach and found Eldwayen Ocean Park. What an amazing view! So, I sat in my van, on my bed, and watched the sun dip into the Pacific Ocean. Same as it ever was but ever so spectacular. It’s one of those things that makes me feel small and insignificant, yet also, part of everything, all at the same time. Awesome in the true sense. Every time I watch a beautiful sunset, on the Pacific, I feel blessed to witness such beauty…again.
I pressed on to just outside of San Francisco. I knew it would be hard to find a place where I would feel really safe, so I decided for my splurge, to stay at a hotel. I tried Hotel Tonight and BINGO, I got an Aloft for $89 all taxes included and it was 2 miles from me.
The Van Princess upgraded to indoor plumbing and Hotel Queen for the night. It had a kitchenette and everything. I would have rented it as an apartment back in the day. I took a bath, shaved, watched some SNL and passed out.
Yesterday (we’re up to yesterday!), I headed toward San Francisco via a Hispanic outdoor market that I happened upon. Tacos for breakfast? Yes please!
I got a mango and a jicama for the road. A perfect picnic. I have learned a dinner of grapes and cherry tomatoes can be quite satisfying.
I drove the usual route through the city, I stopped and walked piers, little parks, bits of the Presidio, walked on the beach, dipped my toes in the ocean, went through the Golden Gate Park, got Won Ton Soup and ate it in the park, and generally scratched that itch. I drove through town and stopped twice to give food to some homeless people. Once guy I coaxed out of the street with some extra tacos. He came out of the street and seemed happy to have something to eat. He was pretty out of it. The next guy was carrying a lot of stuff and I said, “Hey brother, do you want some food?” He said, “Yes!” so I gave him a bag full of everything I had, including unopened peanut butter, beef jerky, almonds, pecans, etc. I will say, I noticed a lot less homeless people there. What has happened? I will follow up because something appears to be working, unless the problem is being pushed out of sight. I am curious.
I decided to head toward Sonoma to connect with my friend Ellen. She is working there on a project. I arrived in Sonoma and ah, there is nowhere to be homeless there and I knew she wouldn’t be there until the next day. I couldn’t find camping or anything. The cheapest hotel was $190…nah. I called Ellen, she gave me the address of the house she’s renting while she’s working there so I slept in front of it. It was soooo quiet compared to a parking lot… dude, seriously. I slept like a rock.
This morning, I woke up around 6:30 and got ready. I found a park and threw out garbage, folded my sleeping bag, organized and put on my make up. Then I went to Starbucks. I was sitting in the parking lot and realized I had not brushed my teeth, so I did. When I finished, a homeless woman came up to me and said, “I am homeless, do you have anything that could help?” I said, “Food?” She said “sure”, so I made her a care package of what I had left; almonds, pecans, chips, and I gave her my jicama since I still had it. She needed it. I verified her pronoun and she confirmed. She had a mustache and chin hair and I did not want to be disrespectful.
We talked about where she’s coming from. She’s from Las Vegas and she and whomever she is with are trying to figure out where to go next. She asked about Seattle and Portland I told her it’s cold in those places this time of year. From a practical standpoint, this is not a good time for a person from Las Vegas to be homeless in Portland or Seattle, it’s not a good time for anyone. She had not considered the weather. Ahh… yeah.
I went into Starbucks five minutes later and there she was asking how much a…whatever was. I was behind her and said, “Get whatever you want.” A big smile and a precise order. I don’t care who you are, you know what you want at Starbucks, when you know what you want. It was a few bucks and we carried on our conversation about where to go and how to be safe. We parted ways friends of sorts. I know I’m not actually homeless, not even close, but you do see some things when you don’t have a place to go at night.
I left Starbucks and here I am writing this piece in a public park.
This has been a great trip and I have learned things. When I left it was with the excuse that I was following mom and Ed incase they needed something. Really, it was just an excuse. I wanted to get out of town, I needed something.
At home, all of us are in the house all the time. It used to be just me from 8:30 to 3:00 most days, even when I was working. It was good. When everyone came home in March, it was good. Really, I enjoyed it all. I still do for the most part. But all of 2020 was collectively getting to be a lot. Bob left his job when it was apparent that he was not the right person for the job right now. I left my job and there are still lose ends, that’s all I’ll say about that for now. Sophia spent 5 months in an apartment downtown with friends and working but is home now. We’re still trying to figure out how to make her comfortable at home again. The boys are having trouble with distance learning and Bob has really stepped up; connecting with their teachers, talking to them, helping them schedule. It has been great because my method of being exasperated and yelling doesn’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried.
And COVID in and of itself, all the missing things; friends, travel, parties, throwing parties, barbeques, going to the pool, movies, indoor dining, carpooling, visiting family. It’s like, “Heather, stop being Heather!” And the stress of, what is this really and what are the long-term ramifications of the illness? Who gets the sickest? Why? Why do some people get lesions on their brains? Hearts? Lungs? Just one? All three? None? Why? Can you get it again? Will it be as bad?
And politics… I won’t go into any details, but I really do not understand how the Right is cool with what is happening right now and how their guy is pushing a dangerous narrative. Their silence is deafening.
And protesting for (this is not political) Black Lives Matter. Until that statement is true, do not come at me with your blue (a choice) lives, or all lives, or Trump (a stupid choice) lives matter. Yes, I saw that on this trip. WTAF right? My experiences protesting are real and they are mine. I have not been violent ever. I want reform and I should be able to protest peacefully. Currently I can’t, so I go in riot gear to protect myself. Nothing more. The police are the violent ones. I have seen it night after night.
I broke my wrist this summer so that sucked. I did it protesting. It was my own fault but really, I shouldn’t have had to be there. Why were the Feds in our city? I ended up playing one handed golf, it was better than not playing.
What have I learned on this trip? Here are a few things but just a few about me.
· I like to drive. If I don’t have a destination, I will drive too long.
· I like to investigate cities to learn what makes them tick. What is the history? The homes in Boise really had me curious.
· I go to bed early when it’s just me, I also get up early.
· I don’t really drink alone, especially in the van because peeing in the porta potty, in the middle of the night isn’t great. And, having a glass on the porch, with Bob, is so much better.
· I enjoy being alone.
· When I am in my “natural” environment, I talk to everyone. But I don’t have to.
· I can listen more and not interject myself into others’ conversations.
· I miss my family. I love them all, individually, and collectively. This I knew always but still, it goes in the list
· I loved my babies, but I am really enjoying teens and beyond.
· Bob is still the right choice for me. That was never in doubt, I just always feel it when I’m away.
· I need to find a better daily balance of news, social media, family, house, social responsibilities, politics, etc.
I ended up listening to music 99% of this trip so I could just be with myself. I thought I wanted a pod cast or a book but no, just me and tunes. I found I was smiling almost all the time with music, driving, beautiful scenery, and my thoughts.
Everyone wants my (our collective) attention, but that’s just it, it’s MY ATTENTION. I get to decide where that goes, and I have not been choosing wisely. I need to choose better for me, so I can be a better me, for a better mom, better wife, better example, better friend, whatever. I have to give my attention to what needs it and will not poison me. Too much politics, or protesting, or COVID, or whatever is poison if not balanced. This trip was me ripping up the playbook and resetting, an emergency reset. I needed to get away from the politics mostly before the election. The thought of our country being so hateful toward others is really hurting my heart. God, I pray it redeems itself tomorrow.
I have learned that most people are lovely when you are face to face. Except the few that are very indoctrinated, they become less lovely, more abrasive and staunch in their opinions. The majority of interactions I had were brief and at a distance. The longest interactions were on or at the golf course. The only loud Trump supporters I saw were men, unless a woman was with her man, then the couple was a Trump couple. I did not talk to one woman who admitted to or talked about being pro Trump. Every time I saw a loud or big (obnoxious to me) display of Trump regalia, it was on a truck, a large truck, with a white man driving, and nine out of ten times, they were driving fast and erratically. It felt like, “Fuck you, I’m driving for the president.” I have no stickers on my car other than a Grant HS sticker (GO GENERALS!) I was cut off many times, I lost count. Perhaps it’s because I’m from Oregon? No, it’s because they are assholes.
I found that most people who are Trump people dismiss his antics. Ah, that is who he is. To me that’s like, “I love my husband, but he sleeps with others, steals from me, calls me names, and beats me but he means well. You’ll see.” Everyone I met believes what they have seen about Portland and that we’re on fire, everywhere, all the time. I say, “That is not true.” And almost like a reflex, they say, “I saw pictures!” or video. I explain that I have protested many times and it’s generally fun and celebratory until the police show up. Oh man, no one believes that. I talk about the general services offered to everyone by the civilians; medical help, food, water, protective gear, security, legal help if you need it. All of that is organized by the community to support the message of Black Lives Matter and the fact that we need police reform. They say, “but the riot gear!” What part of, “It’s fun until the police come.” Are you not understanding? If you are not wearing the gear, you can really get hurt, you can get hurt with it. This “back the blue” is such crap. but they will not listen to anything I say. Is it because I am a woman? From Portland? Liberal? It is surprising how certain they are that I am wrong, and they are right, even when I AM THERE!? Even when I don’t say anything, and they say things AT me. They’re sure they’re right. Yes me, not saying anything. It happened. More than once.
Living in a van is great and not great. You can go wherever you want, whenever you want but you don’t have a place. I like having a place. Even if it is a daily destination. Because how do you know you’re done driving? More planning is good for me. It’s hard to find a place to go to the bathroom or take a shower. Playing golf, a lot of places have locker rooms so that wasn’t too big of a deal for me. It’s also hard to find a safe place to sleep. I have a reliable vehicle, but what if I didn’t? I think with the economy, minivan travel with one person is going to be a thing, there needs to be a safe place for vans, or cars, or tents for just one night. Not a place to live, but a place to camp. I don’t know what this will look like, but I predict, this will be a thing. It wouldn’t be the first time I nailed a one-off thing. VRBO your driveway? Just saying. Offer a shower and a bathroom in the morning? I’d pay $15/$20 every other day or so to stay in the city in a safe place. Generally, I was asleep by 8 and out by 6:30. That’s not too intrusive.
I have a soft spot for old people and unhomed people. I handed out what I could in San Francisco and was also glad to see that there were less homeless people than last time. Again, I will investigate. I am always willing to have a conversation with anyone, time willing. The woman today was bright but lost. I hope she finds her way. She wanted to engage, I was very glad to be a kind person in her day and offer a little support, and an ear for five minutes. We could all do that with everyone more often, homeless or not.
I found that uniformly, masks were worn. I didn’t see a lot of push back anywhere. I was very glad to see that. Listening to news, you’d think half of the country was a bunch of obnoxious Karens and Bubbas who refuse to wear a mask and yell in Walmarts. That is not what I saw. I did see Trump rallies; I did not see Biden rallies. The rallies were loud, intrusive, and in-your-face. Not my jam but I just rolled by.
I will be home tomorrow, election day. I pray our country does the right thing. The division in this country is deep, but we can heal. I don’t know if we can take another four years of our current White House occupant.
I will focus on what I can, my family, my well-being, not too much of anything poisonous to me, exercise, balance. I am going to stop trying to convince people that trump is a horrible human being. If they can’t see that, they can’t see. I can’t make someone see.
And for you, and me…. Do this, go on a solo trip, think, stop the news, go out in nature, play golf, just play, hike, drive, stop for sunsets, miss your family, sleep in your van, get uncomfortable, school a stranger, listen more than you talk, play music LOUD, follow your gut, go to bed early and get up early (yeah, I wrote that), love more than you think you can, and for the love of all that is holy, VOTE!
