Emotional Roller Coaster

It’s been an emotional whirlwind of a day.  I woke up this morning with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  I was really taken with the beauty of our children.  Not just mine, our collective children.  Their exuberance was palpable.  Today was the last day of school before the holiday break and those kids were ready to be done with school and onto bigger and better things. 

After I dropped off Kees I took the big kids to the Fernwood Campus and then went to get coffee for Kees’ teacher and myself.  I was going back to the school to walk Kees’ class over to Fernwood for a holiday celebration concert.  Coulter’s choir was going to sing.  It was his first concert and Kees and I were going to see it together. 

Watching the kids from Hollyrood all file over to Fernwood is quite an event.  Imagine almost 200 kids walking through the park.  It’s a beautiful thing.  They all arrived in the Cafetorium and in a very orderly fashion they found their designated spots.  Within 10 minutes the Cafetorium was packed with all the kids from kindergarten up to the 5^th grade.  On the stage was the BCS 3rd-5^th grade choir in all their cuteness.  And on the floor were the other 450 kids waiting patiently.  The choir sang about 10 songs and in between each song one of the big kids in 8^th grade would read a summery about a holiday from somewhere across our planet.  The audience sang along with some songs and just watched for others.  It was bliss.  I find it hard to believe what joy I get watching my kids thrive in their school.  It is a slice of perfection.  I welled up with tears of joy.

While watching this perfect vignette a message comes across the screen of my phone, “26 dead, 18 of them children, in Conn. school shooting.”   I gasped.  What is happening?  I pulled up the story and sat there, mouth agape.  I passed my phone and watched other shocked parents have the same visceral reaction that I had. 

The “show” concluded and I walked Kees’ class back to the school.  This experience was not nearly as carefree.  I watched our kids, our precious kids go back to their little Norman Rockwell school.  I know that the school in Connecticut was the same, that their parents felt the same way about their school that I do about ours. How could this happen?  What was he thinking?  What could make a person do such a thing?  Were there warning signs?  Why is there so much violence?  Is there nowhere where our children are safe?

I kissed Kees good-bye and walked home in a numb haze.  When I got home I turned on the TV and sat there dumb founded.  I saw the grief on parents’ faces.  I saw pictures of terrified kids.   I saw hundreds of armed men running around an elementary school.  Good God!  I cried… 

I had to turn off the TV.  It was too painful.

I tried to go about my day, I had a lot to do, but it was exceedingly difficult.  I had gifts to put together for our administrators.  I thank God for those women at our school.  They are amazing.  And then the face of the principal of Sandy Hook Elementary came to mind and the tears started again.   I placed some sweets in the bag of goodies….more tears.  We are so blessed with the dedication of our teachers and administrators.  Tears.  Deep breaths.  I wrote a note to the principal and vice principal at BCS.  There is no way to convey to them how much I appreciate what they do but I try.  It is extraordinarily hard to write because my hand is shaking.  More tears….

I go to the “big” school and deliver my packages.  I see our principal and I want to hug her but that would be weird.  I know she is shaken.  I try to speak and it takes everything in my power not to burst into tears.  We look at each other and don’t say anything, we just shake our heads.  I finally hand her the gift and just say, “Man, what a day.  Here’s a little something for you to say thank you.”  She is grateful. 

I stay at the school because at 1:30 there is a middle school dance, Sophia’s first dance.  I will be a chaperone.  She will be mortified.  She has asked me many times, “Why?  WHY?”  I stick with my standard answer, “Because I promised you from the day you were born that I would be at your dances and I do not break my promises.”  Each time she smiles and looks worried. 

The problem is it’s only 1:00.  I wander the halls looking lost.  I finally leave to get a bite to eat.  In the chaos of the day I forgot to eat.  I get in the car and there is more information on the radio.  Again, I cry.  I waste a half hour and then return to the school.

When I get into the Cafetorium it is transformed from the fine arts theater it had been in the morning to Studio 54.  There were lights, loud music, blinking colored lights, boisterous kids and a concession stand.  I got to assist with the concessions.  There was candy, soda, hats, boas….all sorts of silly things and the kids “needed” it all.  When Sophia saw me she didn’t run.  As a matter of fact she even let me take pictures.  Again, I welled up with tears.  This time it was tears of joy.  I see our principal and she too is full of joy to see our kids having so much fun.  She says, “They are such good kids.”  And they are. 

The kids jump, scream lyrics, dance in groups, laugh and buy junk from the concession stand.  Again our perfect little school and our beautiful kids make me cry.  We are so blessed. 

I have to leave the dance a few minutes early because I have to pick up Kees at the little school.  All the parents are in a fog.  I talk to a few friends and we’re all feeling the same thing, great sadness, shock and love for our children.  When the kids come out each parent collects their little person and I see many embraces.  Embraces that are a little longer, looks that are a little more grateful.  I catch the eye of a friend who is hugging her little girl and with out saying a word we convey, “Thank God our children are safe.” In just a look.  She knows, I know.  I get Kees and can’t get enough of him. We walk home hand in hand.  The little things mean so much. 

Sophia and Coulter walk home.  When they’re all home I sit them down right in front of me and I tell them the kid version of what happened.  I explain that they can ask me questions or just talk to daddy or me about it.  They understand. 

Tonight I have my family around me and I am grateful.  My children are safe and happy.  They’re excited for Christmas.  aI am happy but also mourning for the families in Connecticut.  I cannot imagine their pain.  I don’t want to.  It is too hard even this far removed. 

I am exhausted from the highs and lows of today.  I will never be the same.  I will pray.  I am glad that I have this outlet.  How do we move forward?  How do we stop these things from happening?  I wish I knew. 

Peace……a

Sophia Sick

How is it that I can miss my girl so much? 12 years ago I was so happy being alone at home. I could do what I want, whenever I wanted. Then SHE came along. First, she occupied my body and then took all my time, was always in my thoughts and totally stole my heart. I watched Sophia grow into the beautiful, smart, strong young girl that she is today. Like all parents, I marveled at my daughter and took great joy in her development. I still do. She is an amazing kid and person.

She is in Wisconsin. She has been gone for a week and will be gone for 2 more weeks. I can’t believe I let her go! She’s with her best buddy, Katia, and her family on Papoose Lake. Before she left I worried that she would be home sick. She has been a little bit home sick but more than that, I am Sophia sick. I miss her like crazy. When she’s here her stuff is all over, she “forgets” to put away her dishes, her room is a mess, her laundry is piled up and she messes up the kitchen. When she’s here she also makes me laugh, plays with and watches the boys, she snuggles with me in bed and makes me smile and my heart sing. I love her so much and this is far too long for her to be gone.

In 7 years she’ll be going to college. 7 YEARS! That is like tomorrow. I have known since the day we brought her home that we were preparing her to leave our home. I teach her to cook, do laundry, clean up, be kind, negotiate, read, stay healthy and so on. All of us know that ultimately, this is what we are preparing our kids for but it really does go so fast. OK its fast most of the time….there are times where it’s excruciatingly slow but overall it has gone speeding by. And with time going so fast I don’t think I can let her leave again for such a long time. Forget home sick, I can’t stand it. I’m Sophia sick and 3 weeks is too long for my daughter to be gone from me.

She’ll be home the first weekend of August but I am not sure I can last that long. I suppose I will survive but I don’t think I can do this again at least not for 7 more years. Maybe then I will be ready for her to go to college but honestly, I don’t think so.

Missing Girl

Yesterday my girl left for 3 weeks. I can't believe she's gone and I can't believe I let her go. She's in Wisconsin with one c her best buddies and her family visiting the buddy's grandparents.

We had to get up yesterday at 4 to get Sophia to the airport by 5. She was sleeping in our bed because she was nervous. When we got up Sophia went and got dressed and then came to be with me. She was so nervous! She was shaking from head to toe like our dog when I take her to the vet. I felt so bad for her but I knew she'd get over it and have a great time.

We got her to the airport at 5 to meet up with Aaron, the buddy's step dad. It was a quick hand off which was great, there was no time to be emotional. She said goodbye and was off on her big adventure.

I received a couple texts mid trip on a layover and she was having fun. Then a picture upon her arrival with her buddy. She looked so happy. I called her a little later just to say hello. She was all giggles.

Today when I called early in the day she was having so much fun she could hardly stop long enough to talk. Then tonight I got a call at 10:15 her time. She was tired, it was quiet and dark and she was feeling homesick. I know it's harder at night.

On the home front it's strange not to have her here. Bob made breakfast for the boys and called them up. He told Kees, "Kees, go get Sophia." He smirked at me. Kees ran off yelling for her. 10 seconds later he came back grinning, "She's not here dad!" We all laughed. I really miss her. As she's gotten older she is more and more fun. She's learning to cook, she will go to the store with me and keep me company and she is really funny. I really miss that the most.

I know this is all part of growing up and I am sure it will change her. 3 weeks is a long time. The longest she's ever been gone in the past is a week and that was hard. At least she can call if she wants.

I look forward to hearing all about her adventures and what she learns. A couple things I hope she doesn't learn...#1) Sun burns are as bad as mom said they can be and #2) The mosquitoes are as nasty as mom said. I got some eye rolling and a couple, "mmooooOOOOoommmmm, I know. You already said that." I always say, "I know you know this but I'm your mom and it's my job to say this." And then I dispense my advice whether she wants it or not. I love that kid like crazy and need her to be safe and smart. I told her, above all, trust your gut. If someone seems "off" stay away. If you are in a situation that feels like it could become unsafe, it can. Switch course. If you need help, get it. Follow your gut. I don't care if you think it will offend someone, you stay safe. And if I didn't think she would follow that advice I wouldn't have let her go. She's a smart kid. I won't be able to protect her all the time but I can teach her to stay safer by avoiding unsafe situations. I pray she stays safe and that she has the adventure of a lifetime. Safe travels little lady. I love you

Slacker Blogger

I was beating myself up for not keeping up on my blog. I love writing my posts but I have been doing 1000 other things. I thought to myself, “Self, what have you been doing?” And the answer came back immediately and very clearly. I have been living.

I spent more time writing last year when I was having trouble with SAD. It was easy to sit still and write because I wasn’t motivated to do other stuff. Sometimes in the past I wrote because I felt like I should. From here on out, I am going to write because I want to and only if I have the time. I am going to cut Heather some slack.

I have been watching my kids play sports. I love sitting on the side lines with the other parents chatting and watching my kids play.

Sophia’s soccer team is not very good. This is not criticism it’s the truth. They are, however, the cutest bunch of girls around. They like soccer and each other and that is very apparent. When someone gets hurt they all rush over to make sure she’s OK. This is even if the ref hasn’t blown the whistle which makes it very easy for the other team to score. They score often. Our girls aren’t very aggressive, they’re more polite like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. Here’s your ball.” And then they’ll step aside. Now, with all that being said, they have improved dramatically! Now they’re only polite half the time and they have moments of fierce competitiveness.

Two weeks ago the girls won a game, the first one in 3 years. We parents were so excited we could hardly stand it. It was great. The girls thought they had tied so we had to convince them they won. Sophia pulled a t’weenager and sulked because the coach yelled at her. I told her, “That’s what coaches do. They tell you how to play.” She wasn’t buying it.

And even with all that going on, I still love watching them play. Sophia is getting so long and lanky. She’s also strong and athletic. She’s growing up and I get a joy watching her that I couldn’t understand before I had kids. I don’t care that they don’t win. I love that they can have fun and focus on getting better, supporting each other and being good sports. We’re still working on that. I am proudest when they all walk off the field after a loss and talk about what they did right. We all need to do that.

And the boys are playing baseball. I cannot tell you how cute this is. Bob is their coach and I have to say, he is a great coach. He’s patient, strong, caring and an excellent role model. The boys each have a baseball bag with their stuff in it. They are the Giants and they have grey shirts and pants. There is nothing like seeing a row of little boys in matching baseball uniforms. It is beyond cute.

I haven’t been to practice yet but I have been to almost all their games. The first game was the hardest. Our boys didn’t really know what to do and the other team has been playing together for 3 years. Their coach was hard core and needed to win. Bob just wanted our boys to get a few hits and maybe an out or two. Luckily the batting team only gets to go through the roster once and then they head back out onto the field. If not it would have been a kagillion to zero. The cutest part of it all was what the boys said after the game. Kees was so proud that he hit a ball and that, “I helped get 2 outs.” Coulter had a couple hits and was quite proud as well. They didn’t focus on the fact that they got creamed, not for one second.

In one of the innings Kees was playing 2nd base. The short stop threw the ball to Kees a couple times and Kees missed it. Instead of being frustrated with Kees he solved the problem his own way. He started rolling the ball to Kees instead. Brilliant! It totally worked and they were both happy to get an out. I love when they problem solve on their own. I would have never come up with that solution.

One game was cut short because the other coach needed to leave. Bob wanted to do some batting practice with the boys since they had field time but they wanted to roll down the grassy hill. 12 boys ages 6-8 all rolling down the hill. So cute. Frustrating to Bob but who can blame them? Rolling down the hill is way fun and you’re only little once.

I often coach first base. Watching them hit the ball and then run is just great. All of them look genuinely shocked when they make contact. Then they have to stop and watch the ball and decide what they’re going to do next. You can practically see the wheels turning. I am yelling, “RUN! RUN!” Then, like someone flipped a switch, they get it and they run. Every time they get to first we talk about what is going to happen next. I do this 50 times during a game and it’s great every time. I love it.

And again, I get a joy out of watching them that I can’t explain. It brings tears to my eyes to think of them playing baseball. It’s cute yes but it’s also watching them grow up. They can do it and they’re learning. They’re learning to play baseball, to be part of a team, to listen to their coach, to be grateful to their parents for letting them play, to be supportive of each other and to focus on the positive. It is a beautiful thing.

I have also been doing my own things and doing double duty too. Bob has been gone every other week for almost 2 months now. The kids and I have our own routine but I definitely need to pick up the slack. I am on the board of the PTA and will be the President next year. I’m driving for Meals on Wheels and am working out 4 days per week. It is amazing how much time that can take. I am in a book club and a mother of daughters club too. All these things take time and energy on top of all the day to day stuff.

I have had 100 blog ideas but haven’t had time to write them down. I want to have a record but I also want to live without having to stop all the time. I often see people taking pictures when they are out with their kids. The kids are playing and the parents are yelling for them to stop so they can take a picture. LET THEM PLAY! Have you ever felt like you were missing out because you were taking pictures? I have and I don’t want to miss out. I have decided that many times I am just going to be in the moment and I’ll have to rely on my memories for pictures. I will blog when I have time and I won’t beat myself up when I don’t blog. So until next time….when ever that is. Be good to yourself and I’ll be good to me.

Modern Family

Sophia has been watching Modern Family with me lately.  I’m on the fence about if it’s appropriate or not.  Actually, to be more accurate, I don’t think it is appropriate but it has given me a platform to explain lots of things.  I guess it can be appropriate with explanation. 

There are often jokes that she doesn’t get so I stop the show and explain them.  This morning we were watching the one where Phil finds out that his 17 year old daughter is not a virgin.  He is driving his daughters to the mall and says something about Haley that ends in “aversion.”  His other daughter, Alex, starts laughing in the back seat, catches herself and realizes that her dad didn’t know about Haley’s indiscretion.  She starts to say, “I thought you said….” And then she trails off.  He sees their faces and he knows now.  There are shocked faces all around…….  I put the show on pause.  I ask Sophia, “Do you know what just happened?”  She doesn’t. 

I start to explain.  “Do you know what a virgin is?”  She doesn’t.  I explain that it is a person who has never had sex.  She knows what sex is.  She nods that she understands.  I explain that when Phil said, “aversion” Alex heard “a virgin” and started to laugh because Haley was not a virgin.  Their dad was shocked because he didn’t know that and because Haley is a young person, too young to be having sex.  I needed to make that clear to Sophia.  She understood what happened and that it wasn’t appropriate. 

Later on Mitchell was walking next to Cameron (they’re a gay couple) and was leading a party of 30 people.  To make sure he was visible he was carrying a flag.  He said, “Follow the party flag everyone.”  Cameron heard “party fag” and gave Mitchell “the eye.” Mitchell said, “I said party FLAG.”  Again, time to pause the show.  Sophia did not know the word “fag.”  I explained and we moved on.

In both of those instances I was glad she didn’t know those words.  She is 11 and still so sweet and innocent.  I love that.  I am grateful that those words have not come up in her circle.  I remember very clearly the first time someone in my circle brought up the word virgin.  It was in 7^th grade and I had no idea what that word was.  They asked me if I was a virgin.  I said, “I don’t know.” After a 7^th grade explanation I definitely knew I was one.  They all laughed that I didn’t know that word and I was embarrassed.  The truth of the matter is I shouldn’t have known that word.  Why would that come up in 7^th grade?  Scary. 

I don’t want Sophia to have to deal with that.  Kids seem to know things earlier than when I was a kid and I would rather give her the explanation so I know she is getting proper information.  I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable talking to me but she will. 

I would never let her watch Modern Family without Bob or me there to explain what is going on.  Most if it would go right over her head.  I guess that would be fine except that I don’t want her guessing and misunderstanding what is going on.  A wrong interpretation or explanation by another 11 year old can cause quite a bit of confusion. 

It has been a good platform to us to discuss lots of different things.  It would be very inappropriate for Sophia if I wasn’t there.  She has been pretty well protected from the real world and she deserves that.  I want to give her enough information without overwhelming her.  It is a fine line and different with every kid.  I think she can handle what I tell her.  She is VERY wise and tells me if she is uncomfortable or if I start to tell her more than she needs to know.  Yes, Modern Family is inappropriate BUT we will continue to use it as a safe way to learn about our world.    

Tough Love?

Today is Friday the 14th of October. It is an in service day so my kids are out of school.  It is also the day my housekeeper comes. 

As most people who have a housekeeper know, you must clean the house for the housekeeper. Why?  Because if you have kids and they have toys there are toys all over the floor in their rooms and in the playroom. And if those toys have pieces, think Lego, Tinker toys, blocks, Playmobil, train sets etc. the housekeeper will just throw them into the closest bin of whatever.  The next time someone goes to use said toys the pieces are all over the place and mixed up with all the other toys.  That's no fun. So.....you need to make sure the toys are picked up and put in their proper place. Ultimately, it saves time and frustration. 

Two more pieces of information.  #1 - Sophia had a friend over to spend the night. #2 - It's hard for the housekeeper to clean the house when the kids are there.  Today I needed to make sure the house was picked up, that Sophia and her pal cleaned up their sleep over mess, that I had a plan that was fun for the kids and out of the house and that we were ready to walk out the door when the housekeeper got there at 10:00.  Check, check, check and check...... I thought. 

When the housekeeper arrived I needed to show her something upstairs. We went up and when I walked by Sophia's room it was a mess. There were clothes everywhere, art supplies all over and just general chaos. I had been trying to get everything in order for almost 2 hours. Her responsibilities were cleaning her room, cleaning up the sleepover stuff, eating breakfast (that I made), and getting dressed. This seemed reasonable for a 10 year old in a 2 hour time frame.  I was more than a little annoyed. This was about the 5th time I had asked her to get on it. 

When I came downstairs I yelled and told her to clean up her room. I said I was really mad. Then I went out to the car with the boys and left. I knew this would freak her out but I did it to make a point. It gave me space to calm down and made a point without yelling.  I'm sick of yelling.  I wasn't leaving for the day, I went to Starbucks and to the bank. Sophia, of course, thought I was so mad that we left for the day.

She called 3 times but my phone was in the car and the ringer was off. I called back within 2 minutes. I knew she'd be calling so I knew to check. She was hysterical.  She was sobbing and apologizing and begged me to come home. Of course I did. It was my plan all along. 

When I got home she was standing outside crying. "Mom, I'm so sorry. I'll do anything in the World to make it up to you....ANYthiiiiing." While a part of me was feeling really sorry for her, I remember being that sobbing 10 year old, the other part of me thought, "Good, I think she understood that I am serious."  It was nice to make a point without having to yell. 

During our car ride I talked to her. I told her that she needed to calm down. She said that when she called she thought I was driving and crying and that I had crashed. That's what she got out of me not answering my phone. I told her the reality was my ringer was off. 99% of the time that I didn't answer that was why.  She continued to be overly upset. I told her I was done and that she needed to calm down. I apologized for not telling her I was leaving. I told her I knew she was safe at home and that I needed a few minutes to calm down.  She finally did calm a bit.

When we arrived at the play place I held her hands, looked her in the eye and told her that no matter what I would always love her. I said that I don't like yelling and I needed a few minutes away to calm down myself. I expect to ask her to do things once and have that be respected. We then hugged. I asked her if we could start our day together over. She perked right up and said, "Good morning mom." and had a smile on her face. 

I don't know if I did the right thing. This is my first time being a mom, having 3 kids, having a girl and having a 10 year old. I know it's her job to subvert my ideas and requests and that it is and will be very frustrating. I know that in the years to come my frustration will increase before it decreases again.  I am doing the best that I can. I want to impress upon Sophia that I am serious without causing her harm.  I pray I did not cause her harm. I love her more than I ever understood a parent could love a child. I believe most parents feel the same way.  

I am trying to figure this parenting thing out and move through it with grace. Today I didn't have much grace.  And as soon as I think I've figured out how to work with Sophia, Coulter and Kees will be making me crazy. Actually they already have their moments. And if there ever comes a time when I think I have it all figured out they'll change or be off starting their own independent lives. 

We parents are challenged to do this job with essentially no training. We have only our parents as examples. Sometimes that's good and other times it isn't as helpful. 

When my generation was growing up the rules were different. Our parents could hit us or yell at us even out in public and no one even took notice.  The schools had a policy of corporal punishment and that was fine with our parents.  We were left in the car when they went into a store. I remember because one time I burnt my finger on the cigarette lighter in the car when I was 6. I never did tell my mom. We were left at home alone at a young age. We didn't attend music classes, gymnastics, horse lessons or much of any other lessons until we were at least in Jr. High. We walked to school alone or with a buddy and we did it in rain, snow, hail or heat and it didn't even occur to us to call a parent to pick us up.  We spent our summers outside from breakfast to dinner time. Our parents didn't know where we were or what we were doing. We climbed trees and took risks that would have made our parents throw up if they saw the danger we were in. We didn't use sun screen or hand sanitizer.  We talked to strangers. We threw rocks and pine cones at each other and used garbage can lids as shields.  Yes, yes, it was a different time.

So many of these things would be illegal today. Most of it would not be tolerated by society. I get sideways looks for letting Sophia climb tall trees. Please, I was a champion tree climber. I get it. 

So all that information is just to point out that it's different now.  That the "training" we received doesn't necessarily apply to our kids. And, it was that way for our parents. When my mom was a kid she started working. There was nothing wrong with child labor. So they did the best they could while raising us as well. 

I know this has been a lot of rambling but I needed to write it all down. I want to be a loving, helpful mom and I also want respect. I don't want to yell but I do want to make my point. I need help from my kids with their things and our house. I want them to have fun but I want them to understand that their fun takes my time, money, patience and love. I am not going to a play place because it's fun for me. I am going because I love them. I do not want the process of going to the place to be excruciating. What will not be fun for me anyway becomes almost unbearable if they don't cooperate.  That is what I want them to know.  And I do believe that Sophia will be very cooperative the next time we are headed out to do something fun.

On the Blog Again....I Can't Wait to Get on the Blog Again

It has been far too long since I have blogged regularly. It isn’t because I don’t want to blog. It’s because I have a busy life and family. I love blogging and at times it’s been the thing that has kept me sane…..or as sane as I am I guess.

It’s been an up and down week for me. Do you want the good news or the bad news?..................................................................................................................................................................................... Well? Alright then, you get the bad news first. I like to end on an upswing.

The bad news is that my car was prowled last night. One of my kids, I won’t say which one, left the car unlocked. My kid went in there to get something they forgot. I remember thinking, “I need to make sure the car is locked.” And then life got busy and I forgot. They took my GPS, my speaker for hands free talking in the car, a bunch of gift cards (but not all of them) and my Leatherman multi tool, a total of about $400 worth of stuff. No it’s not the end of the world but it is a huge violation. The van was in our drive way. No it wasn’t locked but damn….it was in MY DRIVE WAY. I have filed a report but I don’t expect to get any of that stuff back. It is yet again a reminder to all of us that we need to lock EVERYTHING. It is very disheartening. So that is that.

Now the good news. I am happy to report that there is much more good news than bad news. First, while we’re on the topic of stolen stuff, I got my bike back! Yep, it is the bike that was stolen in April. It was new and had all my cool stuff on it, air horn, odometer, bell, lights etc. It was in great shape other than some cob webs. I knew that it wasn’t stolen to be ridden; it was stolen to be sold for cash. It was found at a pawn shop. The only bummer part is I had to pay $40 to the pawn shop or they would have held it until they could prosecute and collected some of their money. It was worth it. I couldn’t have been happier about that. I don’t know what I am going to do with it but it’s back.

The kids are back in school. It means getting up early and I did have my kids trained to sleep in this summer. I liked that part. Actually, we had a great summer and did lots of stuff. The kids, Bob and I traveled, played and had a very successful staycation. We enjoyed going to the pool but I couldn’t get anything done when I was at the pool every day for hours on end. I enjoyed just hanging out but things were NOT getting done. I was sick of “bored” kids, making food and cleaning up the kitchen all day, doing extra laundry and the general mess that goes along with having 3+ kids in the house all the time. I was done with summer.

And this school year is better. Why you ask…………because all 3 of my kids are in school from 8:45 to 2:45. 6 years ago when I had Kees I had him in August so my son could go to school when he turned 5. He wasn’t ready. I was totally ready but he was not. I debated whether I should send him anyway but in the end I decided that he needed one more year of preschool. It was a place where he was totally happy. Shoot. But I have to say it was absolutely the best thing for him. He is a totally different kid this year. He’s confident, more adventurous, he’s independent and just more rounded out. He is definitely ready for school.

Today was day #4 of full day kindergarten and he is totally happy. I love his teacher and so does he. I have known her for 6 years and she lives near-by. I told her this summer that he can be really difficult but all she saw was this funny, smart little boy running around being friendly. Yesterday they had a fire drill. When they got outside she had to call roll. When she got to Kees’ name she called it. He didn’t respond. She called again. He didn’t respond and she started to get nervous. After about a minute she saw him and asked him if he heard her. He said, “Yes.” And when she asked him why he didn’t respond he said because he couldn’t hear the “S” on his name. She asked, “Did you know I was calling your name?” And again he said, “Yes.” And then she gave it to him. He knew she was serious and when it comes to safety he could not be doing that. She told me this story in the hall at drop off and then said that she could see what I was talking about this summer. She really understands now where I am coming from with this kid. Fabulous, an ally. Maybe she can do what I have not been able to accomplish.

Coulter has a great teacher too. He has Ms. Barry. She’s the same one that Sophia had. It’s nice to know your teacher. She is what he needs. He doesn’t give me lots of information but he comes home happy every day. “Coulter, how was your day?” He reports, “It was GREAT!” every day.

Coulter and Sophia are now in the same building so they can ride to and from school together. This is great too. It saves me about a half hour in the morning since I don’t have to drop them off. And now they’re coming home together too. Again, a half hour saved. I’m loving that. Sophia sends me a text when they get there and another one when they’re leaving the school. It has been a great way to communicate.

And Sophia…. She had a tough second half of the year. It was very important to me that Sophia have a good year academically but also socially. She had some middle school type problems with friends last year and was told by her teacher to, “Handle it. You need to figure it out.” By the end of the year I was done with that answer. THEY’RE 10 and they need help.

Sophia’s teacher this year is not afraid to step in and help them figure out these issues. I talked to her on the second day of school and she said, “I see the issues that other teachers might not and I know how to handle them.” She has been a middle school teacher for 11 years and has a background in counseling. Hooray!!!! She said if kids are having a hard time getting along and they set a boundary with someone, that someone needs to respect the boundary. I appreciated that. We agreed that everyone needs to be civil to one another and show respect but they don’t all have to be buddies. It was a relief when I met her and I am grateful that she isn’t afraid to get in the middle of the kids and their issues.

Sophia had been very concerned because she is in a mixed age class with 4th graders. I didn’t care about that so long and the teacher was awesome. She is. And Sophia hasn’t mentioned the 4th grade “problem” this week. I think it is becoming less and less of an issue even to her.

We also had a really nice visit from my mom and Ed. They were here for a short time but it was nice. Sometimes when my mom comes it can be really stressful for me. I am her daughter and at times she still feels the need to “mother me” to a degree that feels like torture. I try to make it nice for them and I think I do. But no matter how low impact a guest is, it is still a lot of work. Sometimes my mom is low impact….other times, not so much. This time was low impact and nice. It was truly lovely.

Soccer started when school started. Coulter has had 2 practices and 1 game and has been playing really well. It’s been great fun to see him grow and develop. He is a natural athlete and I would love to see at least one of my kids excel in sports or at least a sport. Just like school….when I ask him how soccer was he says, “GREAT!” I love that kids attitude.

Kees starts soccer tomorrow and is more than a little excited. He has to wear full soccer gear just to kick the ball across the street with his brother. He got Coulter’s old soccer shoes, got his own ball and borrowed Coulter’s jersey. You can see how proud he is to be doing all the stuff the big kids have been doing all along. He is part of the big kid gang now and he is feeling it.

We enjoyed the last 2 days of the pool. It closes for the season on Friday but the open swim was over on Sunday. There was the ice cream social at school and everyone had a great time. PTA (I am on the board) started last night and we have our first general membership meeting next week. Back to school night is tonight and tomorrow for the 2 campuses. Horse riding starts soon, soccer is in full swing, Coulter may be taking an art class after school, everyone seems to have friends and be getting along. We are back in to the full swing of school. So far it has been a great year.

And I have some time! I am thrilled. It’s only the first week and I haven’t done much but I did go out to lunch today and am going tomorrow and the next day too! I have done more laundry, organized a few things, gone through mail and paid bills. It has been nice to do it without having someone interrupt me every few minutes. I will do more but for now I am enjoying the bit of a break.

And I started walking the stairs again. I have partners set up for 2 times per week, Tuesday and Friday. I need to start yoga, yes Rebecca….yoga. There is a studio near my house and I am going to go. I remember when I was growing up I would laugh at my dad when he was stretching because he was so stiff. Pay back is a bitch. I’m not laughing now.

So there is the good the bad and the ugly. Here at the Leek’s it’s mostly good and I plan on keeping it that way.

End of Preschool, End of an Era….YIPPIE!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE ChildsWork. As a matter of fact I’ve loved ChildsWork since 2004 and sometimes with 2 kids at the school at once. Our family has spent a total of 8 years with CW.

I was a mom with a 3 year old and a baby back in the spring of 2004. We were in a play group. As with any play group there are always the moms who know everything. They have investigated the BEST schools and day cares and always have a babysitter that is just a little bit better than yours. Dang it. One day the conversation turns…..”Where’s little so-n-so going to preschool next year?” WHAT? Am I supposed to be on that already? It’s only February. “Oh yes, if you’re not on the list by now well you have no chance to get into the very best one……the one we’re in.” Dang it again.

I started my frantic search. I had been given lots of names by the mom who started my panic. “I am a good mom, I am a good mom……. How could I have let it go this far?” I went to lots of little schools in basements of houses. “At Butterfly Farts Preschool we think that the children already know everything. That we merely need to let them show us the loving beings they are meant to be.” REALLY? They haven’t met half the kids I know. Next I went to Co-Ops (not really knowing what that was all about). First of all we didn’t get in as most had one slot and 500 applicants. And secondly, ahhh, when my kid is at school I want to be out to coffee with friends, working out or at work. I get plenty of kid time when they’re not at school. And so it went…. School after touchy feely school. “Is this what preschool is meant to be?”

And then I checked out ChildsWork. Now this is what I was talkin’ ‘bout. Kids playing, being involved, teachers that were in it up to their elbows and parents that were at the school (but only when they wanted to be….in other words, not required to be there weekly). I was blessed to tour the school and spend time in Debbie’s Class on my first visit. The thing that I loved the most was that Debbie talked to the kids like they were people. She gave them choices within reason and expected them to act like people. In other schools that I saw the kids were treated like they couldn’t possibly understand what the sing-songy teacher was saying. It struck a chord with me. I remember when I was little and people would talk to me in that sing-songy tone. I distinctly remember thinking, “I’m short, not stupid.” Debbie talked to the kids like they were just shorter than her. I believe that in most cases, when you treat a small person like they have a brain, they will use it. What I saw reflected that. I was IN!!!

Or so I thought…because I was so late, I was wait listed. But a month or so later I WAS IN!!!! Or I should say my daughter was. I felt like I had won the lottery. And as it turns out I really did.

Since our first year starting in 2004 we have been a happy ChildsWork Family. I have been to 8 Family Nights and many more performances. In the early days there was separation anxiety at drop off. By the third kid he was pushing us out the door. “Aw, my baby….. look at….OK, I get it, I’m gone.” Really, he pushed me. He had watched his sister and then his brother go off to school since he was born. He was at ChildsWork when he was 4 days old and has been ever since.

We’ve spent a total of 8 school years with ChildsWork, 8 amazing years of growth and development. My children have been given the basis of knowledge and more importantly the desire to learn. When a kid at ChildsWork has a question they aren’t always given the answer. Often times their question turns into an investigation. Don’t we all learn better by investigating rather than by being fed information?

Letters have been a game….What’s in the “L” Letter Box today? What happens when I shine a light through a color? Two colors? Why does it become a different color? What makes a volcano? Where does rain come from? What is my community? And so much more….. And all these questions lead to amazing answers. When my 4 year old started talking about how the earth moves to make a volcano I was thrilled. He wasn’t told that, he investigated with his class and they discovered the answer together. They were very excited to figure it out. Then they played “Volcanologist” in the lab that they created. It is a natural progression of curiosity that leads to learning. Kids want to learn and ChildsWork gives them the base. They lead the discussion and discovery process. They are gently being guided and are learning how to learn. That is the best gift that a school or a teacher can give a child, the yearn to learn.

So as I sat in the audience of 50 parents, 30 sibs, 20 grandparents and about 1000 recording devices I was happy, thrilled really. I have been to my share of Family Nights. They have all been wonderful in one way or another. My kids have participated fully and also fallen off of stages. I thought “I won’t have to go to another one of these.” But how blessed are we that we had this privilege? We ended up at the right school because Butterfly Farts and all the like schools were full but we came away with so much more.

ChildsWork accepts all kinds of kids from all kinds of families and my kids learned to not question who a parent or a kid should be, that a family just requires love. They learned that learning is FUN. Teachers are there to help you learn and to help when you don’t quite know what to do. Success is in their hands and can be attained by working at it. All these lessons are their basis for success in school and life. As we finish our last few days at ChildsWork I am a little sad that this part of raising kids is over. But I am more glad that we had the experience. I couldn’t be more pleased to call myself a ChildsWork parent. It’s been a privilege and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Oregon Trail

I wrote this while laying in bed last month in the middle of my Oregon Trail Experience. This was the day after I had been tortured by my book group about going out in the rain to have, what I expected, would be a trying time.
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I am not a pioneer. I am a bit more of a princess if you want the truth. I have been given the privilege, yes Becky, the privilege of going with my daughter on her 4th grade over night to learn about the Oregon Trail.

I am here because I love my daughter and she wanted me to go. I am certainly not here because I love camping, being cold and being rained on. It is April and it snowed this morning. Seriously, there was snow here.

As the time drew near for this trip I found myself wanting to go less and less. Sophia, on the other hand, was growing increasingly excited. She kept on asking me if I was excited. I would respond, "Hell no!". OK I am not that mean I, of course, would say that I too was excited. One of the biggest problems was the weather. It started raining on October 1st and it hasn't stopped.....or at least that's what it seems like. In all seriousness there has been measurable rain 38 of the past 40 days and I believe it has rained EVERY day. I was not looking forward to standing and hiking in the rain for hours.

With this "oh so high" expectation how could I be disappointed? I couldn't. I am usually a "Glass half full" kinda gal but in this instance I had a totally empty glass attitude. The beauty of this attitude is if my expectation is met then there you have it. If it doesn't suck then it's a success. If I actually have fun then it's a wild success. I figure I can't go wrong.

The bus trip here took about an hour. During that trip the weather started out cloudy and as we progressed it started to pour. Crap, I was right.

Upon arrival the rain ceased. We went through about 2 hours of instructions, set up and getting situated. It was a bit excessive.

Time to get started, we went to stations to learn about life on the trail. We moved from station to station through lots of mud BUT there was no rain. And at one point we saw the ball of fire in the sky! We learned about building cabins, cutting and splitting wood, candle making, grinding grain, map making, fur trapping and what the pioneers needed to take with them for their trip. If you were ill prepared, you died, PERIOD. We learned that there were approximately 14 grave markers for each mile of the Oregon Trail. That is 28,000 deaths! Yikes!

After our stations we cooked our hamburgers for dinner on hobo stoves. The kids loved that.

Our late evening was spent in a ho down in the gym. The kids all learned the Virginia Reel. Sophia was going to be my partner but then changed her mind at the last minute. I didn't have a partner so I didn't get to dance. Oh well. They had a blast. I know I sound like an old biddy but, why can't we have dances like that any more? The kids had so much fun, it's social and there's no pressure. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the kids having fun.

The last event of the day was the campfire which, in this case, was inside. It was too cold out. There were some camp song and each of the 3 schools performed a little skit or song. Being prejudiced like I am (and right) our's was best....by far.

We finally got the kids in bed at 10. They were tired but all stayed up talking until 10:30. I finally said "enough" and the party was over.

Tomorrow we have a few more stations and then we're headed home. So far it's been fun and a pleasure to be a chaperon. See, now I'm "Winning!" I expected nothing and it's better than that. I say you can't go wrong when you assume it will suck and then it doesn't.

Over Heard at My House

Kees was talking about his underwear to a friend, a girl. Kees informed said friend that, “The underwear that I have on today don’t have sleeves. They’re just…..short.”
She giggled and said, “Me too.”
Kees said, “I usually wear the kind with sleeves.”
She giggled again and said, “Me too.”

I signed Coulter and Kees up for day camp at Camp Namanu, Camp in the City. The camp is called “Iron Chef.” Kees rolls his eyes and insists that it’s “Iron Fresh.”

This morning when the kids were eating breakfast they were chatting, about what, I don’t know.
Sophia turned to me and said, “Mom, you know the perimeter at Costco?”
Me thinking, “Yes, it’s the area around the store. They generally place items there that you need so you have to go all around the store to get the crucial items.” But I didn’t say that I just answered, “Yes.”
And she said, “What is it?”
I just started laughing. I was thinking, “What kind of question is that?”
She asked, “Why are you laughing?”
I said because your question doesn’t make any sense.
Then Coulter said, “How far around the store is it?”
I said, “That is a much better question. It’s about a ¼ mile or the same distance as it is around the track.” That seemed to satisfy them. I guess they were chatting about the Run for the Arts but I am not sure how Costco got involved.

This afternoon we were getting in the car. Kees came up to me and made a noise that sounded to me like a laser gun. I asked, “Why are you shooting me?”
And he said (like I was stupid), “I’m not shooting you. I’m killing you with my light saber.” Oh, duh……

On the way to horse lessons Coulter was looking at a field of grass about the size of 3 city blocks. He asked, “Mom, how do you grow grass?”
I said, “From seeds.”
He said, “That field probably took one seed.”
I laughed and said, “No, probably millions.”

Oh What a Night!

Tonight has been a tough one. At about 10 after midnight Kees woke up barking. Unfortunately this is a sound that I have come to recognize all too well. He starts with a cough and in no time at all it turns into a full blown croup. He can’t breathe, the coughing gets worse so it’s even harder to breathe, then he gets scared so he starts crying which makes his vocal chords swell even worse. It’s scary for both of us and I always have to make the call, do we go to the hospital or not?

To make matters even worse we are in Spokane. I don’t have his medicine. I have been really good about bringing it in the past but this time….no meds….of course. It didn’t even cross my mind because everyone has been really healthy.

When he first started “barking” I tried to calm him down. Coughing just makes it so much worse. I had to wake up my friend to get some cough medicine. She also got a cool air humidifier for us. She knows how this works. I took him outside first but I don’t think it was cold enough and he was coughing a ton. Next I whisked him into the bathroom, shut the door and cranked the shower on full hot. IT HELPED A LOT AND FAST! Thank God! I was about to run him to the hospital. He still didn’t sound great but he could breathe a bit and the coughing stopped. I took him to the living room and turned on Blue’s Clues. I find that if he is distracted he doesn’t work as hard breathing. Good….it’s all good.

As we’re sitting quietly watching Blue’s Clues, Sophia comes running down the stairs. She says, “My stomach hurts.” and I can tell she’s about to throw up. I tell her to run into the bathroom and I follow. She is shaking and sitting on the floor. She says it’s because she’s sick but it looks like she’s freezing. She swears she’s not. Indeed, she does throw up. Ah, this is why I didn’t go to the emergency room. I am grateful that I was there. She would have been afraid if she needed me in the middle of the night and I wasn’t available. Of course I would have told her I was leaving before I went but she’s 10. She needs her mommy when she’s sick.

This, by the way, is the second time in 3 days that she has thrown up in the middle of the night. There has been a lot going on. Her fiddle teacher died 2 days ago and she has been really upset about that. During the day she seems fine but I think she stews at night and gets worked up. I’m not sure how to help her other than listen and try and walk her through her grief. I’m still not sure if she’s sick from illness or grief.

I return to the couch where Kees’ show ended. He sounds MUCH better but still, I want to sit up with him and keep an eye on his situation. I turn on a Veggie Tales for him. He’s happy about that, or as happy as he can be in this situation. Sophia joins us. She sits on the side of the couch closest to the bathroom. After a few minutes I ask her how she feels and she says she feels better being “distracted”. Her words, not mine.

So there they sat, quiet and distracted but both feeling better. Sleep is way over rated anyway right? I finally had them go to sleep at 3. As I type it’s almost 4am. I am sitting up like the momma bear watching and listening to my cubs to make sure they’re alright. They’re both sleeping on the couch, toe to toe. Kees is propped up just like we’d do for him when he was a baby. Sophia is at the end closest to the bathroom though she seems fine. I’m going to get a sleeping bag and try to sleep in a chair so I am at the ready. The hours at the job are the pits but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s what parents do.

Chick Rose

This week the world lost an amazing man and talent. I don’t think he would have described himself this way but everyone one that has ever been touched by Chick Rose would surely agree. I was blessed to know Chick for a very brief time. I know him more from the many people around me who grew up with Chick, from their stories, and the way everyone looked up to Chick. Most recently we knew Chick because he was Sophia’s fiddle teacher. She was thrilled to be taking lessons from Chick Rose…THE CHICK ROSE!

Chick is known throughout the NW Bluegrass world because of his commitment to teach kids bluegrass. These kids are all known as Chick’s Kids. It didn’t matter if you had ever played music or heard bluegrass. If you were the least bit interested or had any desire Chick would hand you an instrument, teach you to strum to the beat and you, my friend, would be jammin’ with a bluegrass group. If you have had the privilege of jamming with a bluegrass group I am guessing that you are hooked and are currently playing, in some capacity. It’s hard not to love it. Why would you not love it?

Sophia was lucky enough to be adopted by Clara Baker, Rebecca Bauer and Greg Baker. Clara was Sophia’s first fiddle teacher, Greg wrote the book that Sophia was learning from and Rebecca, she’s the guitar playing mom. Without the mom the machine ceases to run.

Last summer they went to Stevenson to the Columbia Gorge Bluegrass Festival and invited Sophia along. She was there for the weekend and got to attend her first Chick Rose kid’s workshop. When I went to pick her up she was in the shade tent jamming with Gregg and Clara. It was awesome! The beautiful thing that I have seen with the bluegrass peeps is they include everyone and will play to a kid’s level to give them confidence and keep them engaged. As the parent of a budding musician, it’s a beautiful thing. I was taught classical music…not really fun when you’re a kid. A fiddle around a campfire with a bunch of your bluegrass buddies…now that is fun. That is worth practicing for.

This past January Sophia skipped school and played in the River City Music Festival in yet another Chick Workshop. She was nervous because she hadn’t been playing much. She called me at lunch time and wanted to come home. Chick caught wind of this and took her under his wing. He had her sit right next to him and he made sure she was learning, having fun and feeling comfortable. If you aren’t doing those three things why would you want to continue on? By the end of the day her confidence was up and she was jamming. As a matter of fact the kids had a concert that kind of kicked off the festival (mostly for the parents) and Sophia had the first solo! She is convinced, to this day, that she kicked off the whole hootenanny. She was beaming. And all of her excitement and success is directly due to Chick’s involvement and care.

I could tell you that her experience is unique but it isn’t. Chick has influenced COUNTLESS kids. Many, many of those kids are now adults with music careers or a strong passion for their music. I am sure that if you asked bluegrassers throughout the region at least half of them would say Chick influenced them in some way. It’s probably higher but that is my best guess.

Chick gave of himself without asking for anything. His reward, so often, was that the kids he influenced were playing music with a smile on their face. They were part of something bigger than themselves, part of a team, a group and carrying on the joy of music and sharing it with others. These kids in turn share what they know with other kids.

Chick’s body is gone but his spirit will live on in the music and souls of his kids. It’s like the loaves and fishes….no matter how much is taken from the whole there is always more to quench the hunger. The more music that is shared in his way the more music there is. It will never end. That is Chick’s legacy.

He was a huge blessing to so many and that is what makes his passing so hard. I pray he knew how much he was loved. Do any of us really know that for sure? I think he knew in his heart how much he was loved and appreciated. He will be missed but he will not be gone.

Play loud, play strong, share what you know, carry on….It’s what he would have wanted.

***** The pictures included in the post were high-jacked from Facebook. I hope that’s OK with the owners of those pictures. I just wanted anyone who read this to know what this great man looked like.

A Tribal Event

Sophia's 10th birthday was last weekend. She was greatly excited and we had a carefully thought out plan. Last year's birthday sleep over was overwhelming. There were a couple kids that didn't cooperate and it pushed the whole thing into trouble. This year we decided to keep it to 3 friends, friends that Sophia had known the longest. We were trying to keep a few people from having hurt feelings by arranging it this way. It seems to have worked.

Her 3 friends were to come over on Saturday at about 5. We got a call on Friday that one of the 3 couldn't come, she had over committed. It was a bummer but Sophia took it in stride and handled it quite well. The kids watched a movie which was a big deal because we had the TV off for the month. They had pizza for dinner and stayed up until 11 talking. They did all the sleepover stuff.

The next day Bob made them all pancakes and then I took the girls out. We needed a cake for the party and thought we'd spend a little girl time and lunch time. First Fred Meyer and the cake....done. Next we headed to the mall to Claire's. What Sophia didn't know was that Bob and I agreed that Sophia could get her ears pierced. My down fall was that she already had everything else she wanted. True, sad but true. So we had the boys come up to her in Claire's and say, "We came to see you get your ears pierced."

The girls and I were walking around. They each had $5.00 to spend. Kees did the talking.... He ran in and said, "Hey Sophia, we're here to see you get your ears pierced." Just like he practiced. She was excited for about a half a second and then she was in shock. The lady came over and started readying the station. Sophia was panicked and a little pale. She couldn't do it. It was too soon. I said that was fine and that she didn't have to do it then. I wanted it to be on her terms.

The boys left and the girls wanted to go to sushi. We went to Sushi Go Round, or Sushi Train, I don't know what it's called. It the place where the sushi goes past you and you grab what you want. It's not that good but it's cheap and it's what they wanted. While we were at lunch Sophia was feeling braver. She decided she wanted to go get her ears pierced.

Back to the mall we went. We went to the Piercing Pagoda. This place has been around for EVER and it has a good reputation. When we got there Sophia started to chicken out again. The women working there were really encouraging and friendly. There was a girl who was 8 getting her ears pierced and Sophia decided to watch her first.

It all started feeling really tribal to me. The mothers bring their young girls to the pagoda. The practitioners have done this a 1001 times so they know it can be scary. They encourage the young girls and tell them, "It's not too bad." But really, the idea of getting a couple holes punched in your body is scary. We walk around to pick out the perfect first pair of ear rings....ahh yes, garnet flowers, her birth stone. How perfect for this tribal event. It will mark your 10 years on this earth and all will know you were born in the first month of the year by the stones you wear.

The 8 year old girl is there with her mother, father and little brother. She's like a stone. She's solid and couldn't care less. YOu can almost hear her, "Bring it on. I ain't scared." And she wasn't. Sophia watched with wide eyes. And then the chanting and the drums begin....boom, boom, boom, boom, Eyyeeeeaaahh, whoop, eeeeeeeayyyyyahhhh. The practitioners load their piercing guns and approach her...boom, boom, boom, huuummm, eeeyyaaahhhh. And then, one, two, three they do it. The girl barely flinches. It's over. The drums and chanting stop…… She smiles and everyone says how cute the ear rings look. She is proud. Sophia asks, "Did it hurt." She just nods, no.

Now it's Sophia's turn.....the drums and the chanting start again. Ahh, the second girl with the virgin ears....boom, boom, boom, boom, Eyyeeeeaaahh, whoop, eeeeeeeayyyyyahhhh. Sophia is a little nervous but I tell her it's going to be alright. I had pinched her ears (for practice) about 10 times and it couldn't hurt that much more. She looks at me, trusting me. Boom, boom, boom, yaya yahhhh, whoop, whoop, YYYYAW!!! Again, the practitioners lock and load. They approach, one on each side. Sophia is nervous, really nervous. As a matter of fact I thought for sure she would scream, "NO!" and run away. I am pretty sure the only reason she did it was that I had already paid. And she looks at me. I say, "It will be fine." The drums and the chanting are pounding in my ears.....and then, ONE, TWO, THREE....

They pull the trigger and it's over. The drums and chanting cease. Sophia smiles and is surprised. It didn't hurt that bad. She is proud.

Her ear rings are cute on her.

All the while I'm thinking, "I can't believe this is happening here." I can't get over the fact that all this tribal tradition is going on at the Piercing Pagoda at the MALL IN THE FOOD COURT! Is this really the best we can do for a rite of passage? We don't have coming of age traditions for our kids. WHY? Every tribe in the world has traditions or ceremonies. Piercing, neck stretching, scaring, tattoos, adornments....whatever, and they're all done with lots of pomp and circumstance. Our kids just pass through the ages with birthday parties. Big whoop. It's not at all what our genes tell us to do. I don't think we give them enough to celebrate, to tell them that their growing up is really important and a responsibility. That they are, bit by bit, becoming one of us, an adult, a community member, part of the greater society. They are leaving a bit of childhood behind and joining a new, more mature, more responsible set. At a tribal ceremony there are lots of witnesses to see you move to a new place in society and hold you to your responsibilities. Kids need community and we are lucky to live in a great one but there aren't community rites of passage.

I know this started in one direction and went another. I had no idea I would feel this way about my daughter getting holes punched in her ears. But I did. It almost felt sad, like I should have had a dinner and a bunch of people come along. I know that would be silly but I need to come up with something. I hope that by the time she is 13 I can come up with some sort of tribal rite of passage. I would love to start a tradition that felt like a big deal. I may have to base it on a bat mitzvah. That seems a little closer to home than an African scaring ceremony. Maybe there is a reason we don't do that! You know like, ahh, child abuse.

Sophia got her ears pierce. It was a BIG deal. Of course there wasn't real drumming or chanting but there should have been. It felt like it should be going on. The rest the day was fine, birthday party, dinner, friends, the usual birthday party stuff. But it wasn't a rite of passage and that is what I want for the next big event. When I come up with it I'll let you know what that is.