#1 - George, Sarah, Marilyn (the Bride), Heather, Cassandra, Ellen and Tony
#2 - Connie and Abdul (Dude Mike from Springfield)
#3 - Heather, Sarah, Connie
#4 - Darcey (Marilyn’s brother) and Thai’beh (Majid’s Cousin)
#5 - Shawn and Ellen
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Wedding Weekend Pictures
In order these pictures are ….
#1 - George, Sarah, Marilyn (the Bride), Heather, Cassandra, Ellen and Tony
#2 - Connie and Abdul (Dude Mike from Springfield)
#3 - Heather, Sarah, Connie
#4 - Darcey (Marilyn’s brother) and Thai’beh (Majid’s Cousin)
#5 - Shawn and Ellen
#1 - George, Sarah, Marilyn (the Bride), Heather, Cassandra, Ellen and Tony
#2 - Connie and Abdul (Dude Mike from Springfield)
#3 - Heather, Sarah, Connie
#4 - Darcey (Marilyn’s brother) and Thai’beh (Majid’s Cousin)
#5 - Shawn and Ellen
Monday, October 19, 2009
A Beautiful Thing
Marilyn and Majid - The happy couple!!!
Sarah, Marilyn, Heather, Ellen and Cassandra
Abdul (Dude Mike of Springfield), Heather and Connie
Ellen and Tony
Ellen and Cassandra
I just got back from California where I attended the wedding of my dear friend Marilyn Beck. She married Majid Karimi a man of Persian descent. I had never met Majid before but I couldn't have imagined a nicer man for Marilyn. He is smiling all the time, embraces his friends and family always, and is an all around lovely man.
I tell you this, Majid's family is HUGE! He has five brothers and two sisters and most are married with a few children.... There were aunts, uncles, cousins etc. all over the place. Marilyn's family was well represented as well but it's hard to keep up with the numbers when it comes to the Karimi's.
Ellen, Tony (Ellen's Boyfriend, such an nice guy) and I all arrived on the mountain on Friday. I immediately went to the spa. My toes were a mess and lord knows, one can not attend a wedding with messy toes!
Upon returning to my room I met up with my room mate Cassandra. We conferred that it had been about 15 years since we had crossed paths. How is it that she looked exactly the same? Cassandra is smart, successful, friendly and beautiful. It was really fun to see her doing so well and to, well, just see her again. She was a great room mate.
Shortly there after our reunion we took a short car ride to a little restaurant. By the looks of it we weren't expecting much but the menu was great. Everyone sat all mixed up so we could get to know one another. As it turns out, I sat next to Marilyn's mom, Ann, and across from Abdul and Connie, Majid's oldest brother and sister in law. Abdul is in his early fifties I would guess and his wife is right behind him. Connie is Hispanic and FULL of life and humor. Abdul is known as the strict one in the family. Of course, I didn't know this so I went in with no preconceived notions.
As dinner progressed we shared LOTS of interesting conversation. It's always fascinating to hear a new point of view when it comes to world politics. We shared many ideas and didn't share others but it was all good. Later on I asked Abdul what his WHOLE name was. It was something like Abdul Kalif humina humina humina Karimi. So I translated it for him. Abdul is a title, his second name is a common name, the next one means "From the" and the last name describes the area he's from. The area is a grassy plane. So I translated it as Dude Mike of Springfield. Well I'll tell you that caught on. By the end of the night he WAS "Dude Mike of Springfield."
Majid told me, "I have NEVER seen my brother like this." That made me laugh since all I had seen was this silly guy. I later heard so much more about Abdul. He moved to the US when he was 19, put himself through school and moved his siblings over two by two. He then felt the responsibility to guide them as they were educated, married and basically sought the American Dream all while getting married and having four children of his own. I think that would make anyone fairly serious. Lots of responsibility. I hadn't met that Abdul. I met the Abdul that was "Dude Mike of Springfield" and liked laughing a lot. The same guy who adored his wife and was very happy for, and proud of his whole family.
We played poker late into the night on Friday. I think we were there until 1:30 in the morning and it turns out, we were not the last to leave! Yikes. This wouldn't have been so bad EXCEPT - it was in Marilyn and Majid's suite. AND Marilyn is almost 3 months pregnant. I know how tired that made me, I can't imagine having to host a wedding and a bunch of crazy people in my suite. As I came to learn later, Marilyn has learned to accept Majid's hospitality and knew there would be people in their suite the whole time. Bless Marilyn!
Saturday was fairly quiet. We all got up early considering the late night. The women did flowers and then the women in the wedding party had their nails done. I had lunch with George, Sarah and their boys, Minas and Michael. It was fun to catch up with them. Later then I rested and got ready for bowling. We all went bowling for the rehearsal dinner.
After bowling it was back to the hotel where Majid insisted we all go to their suite again. We did but then we all insisted that he and Marilyn go to bed and we left at about 11. Much better considering the next day they were getting married!
Wedding Day - I slept in while there was a hum through out the rest of the group getting ready. The wedding was held on the lawn over looking the lake....Beautiful. The ceremony was fairly traditional but also included Persian traits and welcomed all believers. I loved that part. We are all one. There were many representatives from each family flanking the bride and groom. So much love.....
The reception had all kinds of music and the food was great. Majid's brothers and Marilyn's family all toasted the happy couple with love and blessings. Even Dude Mike got up there. I was dragged onto the dance floor by both Abdul and Connie. I felt like the long lost sister who had finally be reunited with her big Persian Family. It was great.
So it was a successful weekend. I loved seeing my old friends. We talked about the fact that we've all been friends for over 20 years, almost half a life time. Amazing! And I love these people as much as I ever did. Then to meet the Karimi Family and feel like I have even more family. Fabulous. Abdul and Connie have insisted that I come back and bring the "Dutch one", Bob and the kids. Abdul said we'll have a big celebration when we go. I am sure it will be amazing.
Thanks so much to the hosts for providing a wonderful experience for all involved. I will not soon forget...actually I will never forget that good time.
Friday, October 16, 2009
California
It's going well....my trip that is. I left Portland at 11:00 after clearing security with my terrorist bra. The under wire in my bra set off the detector. I received a little massage from a woman in security and then was cleared as having "no weapons" except, of course, my bra. The flight was on time, the staff at Alaska Airlines was friendly and helpful....in all a good experience.
I flew into Orange County and took a cab to my friend Ellen's apartment. I did a little laundry and read my book....The Lost Symbol. I'm hooked. Why can't Dan Brown crank these out as fast as I can read them?
We went out to a great little Mexican place. Delicious! Then we went out on the town and met up with one of Ellen's buddies. We stayed out too late but had a great time.
Today we're headed to Lake Arrowhead Resort. I'm getting a desperately needed pedicure and then out to dinner with friends. This is going to be great fun! More as it comes.....
I flew into Orange County and took a cab to my friend Ellen's apartment. I did a little laundry and read my book....The Lost Symbol. I'm hooked. Why can't Dan Brown crank these out as fast as I can read them?
We went out to a great little Mexican place. Delicious! Then we went out on the town and met up with one of Ellen's buddies. We stayed out too late but had a great time.
Today we're headed to Lake Arrowhead Resort. I'm getting a desperately needed pedicure and then out to dinner with friends. This is going to be great fun! More as it comes.....
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A Few Random Things
SLIP
A few days ago I was outside watching soccer practice on a beautiful sunny day. I usually sit in my low chair and try and relax. It's one of the few times that I can sit still and not feel guilt about doin' nuthin'. As I was sitting there I saw a woman walking toward me. She was walking her dog and wearing a skirt, a shirt and tennis shoes. I can tell you this much, she wasn't wearing a slip! I swear, it wouldn't have been much different if she were walking down the street in her underwear. And to make matters worse, she was at least 50 pounds over weight. Yikes! I remember when I was a teenager and my mom said that I had to wear a slip under my skirt. I thought it was a bunch of hooey. The one thing that I had going for me was I was 127 pounds and pretty cute. I honestly can't remember if I wore one or not but I sure hope so. I just had to share that because it was really funny and if you have a thin skirt....WEAR A SLIP!!!
AIR HORN
Last Spring I was riding my bike. When I got to a 4 way stop, I stopped. I waited for my turn and then I started across the intersection. As I started, the guy coming from my right started too and almost hit me. I rang my "pedestrian" bell..."ring, ring, ring" and said, "Hey, WATCH OUT!" He didn't even flinch. I may as well have been blowing him kisses. As I was ringing a guy on a bike pulled up next to me and blasted his horn. I mean BLASTED!!! I said, "WHAT was THAT?" and he showed me his air horn. I went out almost immediately and got one. I haven't used it much but I am pretty sure it saved me from a side swipe 2 days ago.
First I'll tell you I went to fill up my air horn at the gas station. I wasn't going to but I figured, better safe than sorry. The guys at the gas station thought it was the coolest thing they had seen in a while. They all came out of the garage and were checking it out. They couldn't believe how LOUD it was. It's as loud as a regular air horn that you would have on a boat. One guy said he was going to get one to replace the one he carries around on his boat.
After filling up the air horn I was riding down Broadway. Broadway has a bike lane. As I was getting ready to cross MLK there were 2 bikers about 30 feet in front of me. The light turned green and they proceeded. A car was waiting to turn after those bikes went by. Then there was a car right behind that car that was also turning. I KNEW he wasn't looking down the bike lane and I KNEW I was going to have to be on the offense. Yep. Right as I was getting to the intersection he started to turn. I BLASTED MY HORN and he SLAMMED on his brakes. It was awesome! It wouldn't have been a horrible accident but I prefer NONE thank you. I sometimes feel like a geek with all my stuff on my bike but I have to say I was really grateful for my air horn.
HAIR CUT
Yesterday I got my hair cut. My last cut was in the Bahamas so it's been 4 months, it was time. Of course they made it look great. So great that I am not sure that I can do it. The gal that dried my hair flat ironed it. I have never done that before and I have to say I really liked it. So there are 2 problems; I don't know how to do it and I don't have one. Everyone loved it and said how great it looked and with it flat ironed it looked like I had it dyed a darker color. Of course I intended to take a picture but didn't. I am feeling under the weather.
I am going to a wedding in a week and hope that I can re-create the look. My friend Mary Ann has a one that she is going to let me try. Apparently a good flat iron is fairly expensive so I want to make sure I can do it before I drop $100. We'll see how this goes.
VISITING FRIENDS
As I mentioned I am feeling under the weather. I am praying that I get better. I was planning on visiting my friends, Mary and Carl this weekend. Carl is very sick with cancer. Of course I can't see him if I am sick. All of us who love him need to protect his health as best we can.
Both Mary and Carl are dear friends and have been for almost 40 years. We met them when we lived in Denver so that was about 1971. They have been like a second set of parents to me. Mary and Carl have always been there for me when I have needed them especially when I was in my 20's. I remember calling them when I lived in Houston (about 1990) and they lived in Germany. My parents were going through their divorce and were leaning on Rex and I a lot. I needed to talk to an adult who wasn't needing me for support. That is just one of many times they were important to me.
We have spent more holidays together then I can remember. There has always been lots of laughter between our families. So many memories are wrapped up with them, more then I can write. So I am really praying that I am better but I will not be able to go unless I am 100%. Say a little prayer that I get better. Thanks in advance.
SO that is a bit of what has been going on for me.
KIDS
The kids have been in school and doing their usual stuff.
Sophia has been fighting homework, room cleaning and general responsibility. That is a whole other post and I'll spend some time with that soon. She has caved and has admitted just doing the work is WAY easier then all the complaining. Ahhh, progress.
Coulter is loving school. He doesn't have many details to tell me but he is writing, coloring, drawing pictures, talking about math, patterns and so on. I love his excitement for learning. In the morning he dashes in and we have to catch up with him just to say good bye. He comes out of school almost every day with a smile from ear to ear.
Kees is also loving school. He has the same teacher that Coulter had last year and the teacher that Sophia had the year he was born. He feels that he is DUE!!! They are learning about beavers, they're writing plays, talking about patterns, learning about sharing and problem solving and many more things. I love his teacher and how she makes learning an adventure. The kids set the pace and she fills in their questions with answers they can understand.
BOB
I would be totally remiss if I did not mention that Bob got a promotion!!! He will continue his position as the CIO of the hospital but he will also take on the Chief of Staff job. This has been a goal of his but he didn't fathom that it could happen this fast. He's been at the hospital for 5 months now. I am very proud of him, as usual, and continue to be impressed at his high level of performance and the accomplishments and results that he consistently delivers. I still am convinced that we made the right decision when we talked more then 10 years ago when deciding, "Computer guy or hotel guy?" Computer guy was the right choice.
So there is the brief and a little commentary. The kids are out of school tomorrow for an in service day. I'm trying to figure out what to do with them since I don't feel very good. Maybe Kids Club Fun and Fitness? We'll see. More when I have the energy.
A few days ago I was outside watching soccer practice on a beautiful sunny day. I usually sit in my low chair and try and relax. It's one of the few times that I can sit still and not feel guilt about doin' nuthin'. As I was sitting there I saw a woman walking toward me. She was walking her dog and wearing a skirt, a shirt and tennis shoes. I can tell you this much, she wasn't wearing a slip! I swear, it wouldn't have been much different if she were walking down the street in her underwear. And to make matters worse, she was at least 50 pounds over weight. Yikes! I remember when I was a teenager and my mom said that I had to wear a slip under my skirt. I thought it was a bunch of hooey. The one thing that I had going for me was I was 127 pounds and pretty cute. I honestly can't remember if I wore one or not but I sure hope so. I just had to share that because it was really funny and if you have a thin skirt....WEAR A SLIP!!!
AIR HORN
Last Spring I was riding my bike. When I got to a 4 way stop, I stopped. I waited for my turn and then I started across the intersection. As I started, the guy coming from my right started too and almost hit me. I rang my "pedestrian" bell..."ring, ring, ring" and said, "Hey, WATCH OUT!" He didn't even flinch. I may as well have been blowing him kisses. As I was ringing a guy on a bike pulled up next to me and blasted his horn. I mean BLASTED!!! I said, "WHAT was THAT?" and he showed me his air horn. I went out almost immediately and got one. I haven't used it much but I am pretty sure it saved me from a side swipe 2 days ago.
First I'll tell you I went to fill up my air horn at the gas station. I wasn't going to but I figured, better safe than sorry. The guys at the gas station thought it was the coolest thing they had seen in a while. They all came out of the garage and were checking it out. They couldn't believe how LOUD it was. It's as loud as a regular air horn that you would have on a boat. One guy said he was going to get one to replace the one he carries around on his boat.
After filling up the air horn I was riding down Broadway. Broadway has a bike lane. As I was getting ready to cross MLK there were 2 bikers about 30 feet in front of me. The light turned green and they proceeded. A car was waiting to turn after those bikes went by. Then there was a car right behind that car that was also turning. I KNEW he wasn't looking down the bike lane and I KNEW I was going to have to be on the offense. Yep. Right as I was getting to the intersection he started to turn. I BLASTED MY HORN and he SLAMMED on his brakes. It was awesome! It wouldn't have been a horrible accident but I prefer NONE thank you. I sometimes feel like a geek with all my stuff on my bike but I have to say I was really grateful for my air horn.
HAIR CUT
Yesterday I got my hair cut. My last cut was in the Bahamas so it's been 4 months, it was time. Of course they made it look great. So great that I am not sure that I can do it. The gal that dried my hair flat ironed it. I have never done that before and I have to say I really liked it. So there are 2 problems; I don't know how to do it and I don't have one. Everyone loved it and said how great it looked and with it flat ironed it looked like I had it dyed a darker color. Of course I intended to take a picture but didn't. I am feeling under the weather.
I am going to a wedding in a week and hope that I can re-create the look. My friend Mary Ann has a one that she is going to let me try. Apparently a good flat iron is fairly expensive so I want to make sure I can do it before I drop $100. We'll see how this goes.
VISITING FRIENDS
As I mentioned I am feeling under the weather. I am praying that I get better. I was planning on visiting my friends, Mary and Carl this weekend. Carl is very sick with cancer. Of course I can't see him if I am sick. All of us who love him need to protect his health as best we can.
Both Mary and Carl are dear friends and have been for almost 40 years. We met them when we lived in Denver so that was about 1971. They have been like a second set of parents to me. Mary and Carl have always been there for me when I have needed them especially when I was in my 20's. I remember calling them when I lived in Houston (about 1990) and they lived in Germany. My parents were going through their divorce and were leaning on Rex and I a lot. I needed to talk to an adult who wasn't needing me for support. That is just one of many times they were important to me.
We have spent more holidays together then I can remember. There has always been lots of laughter between our families. So many memories are wrapped up with them, more then I can write. So I am really praying that I am better but I will not be able to go unless I am 100%. Say a little prayer that I get better. Thanks in advance.
SO that is a bit of what has been going on for me.
KIDS
The kids have been in school and doing their usual stuff.
Sophia has been fighting homework, room cleaning and general responsibility. That is a whole other post and I'll spend some time with that soon. She has caved and has admitted just doing the work is WAY easier then all the complaining. Ahhh, progress.
Coulter is loving school. He doesn't have many details to tell me but he is writing, coloring, drawing pictures, talking about math, patterns and so on. I love his excitement for learning. In the morning he dashes in and we have to catch up with him just to say good bye. He comes out of school almost every day with a smile from ear to ear.
Kees is also loving school. He has the same teacher that Coulter had last year and the teacher that Sophia had the year he was born. He feels that he is DUE!!! They are learning about beavers, they're writing plays, talking about patterns, learning about sharing and problem solving and many more things. I love his teacher and how she makes learning an adventure. The kids set the pace and she fills in their questions with answers they can understand.
BOB
I would be totally remiss if I did not mention that Bob got a promotion!!! He will continue his position as the CIO of the hospital but he will also take on the Chief of Staff job. This has been a goal of his but he didn't fathom that it could happen this fast. He's been at the hospital for 5 months now. I am very proud of him, as usual, and continue to be impressed at his high level of performance and the accomplishments and results that he consistently delivers. I still am convinced that we made the right decision when we talked more then 10 years ago when deciding, "Computer guy or hotel guy?" Computer guy was the right choice.
So there is the brief and a little commentary. The kids are out of school tomorrow for an in service day. I'm trying to figure out what to do with them since I don't feel very good. Maybe Kids Club Fun and Fitness? We'll see. More when I have the energy.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Today Was Like a Box of Chocolates
Today started out just like any other Sunday. We all slept in a few minutes. I spread the word last night, "No TV in the morning." so the sleep in would be possible. Bob voyaged out to Starbucks for coffee (I am still not sure about this one because we HAVE A COFFEE MAKER!) but I digress. Bob made breakfast for all and we went to church. The kids were good and totally willing. This has made going to church much nicer. After church we went to the coffee hour, the kids had cookies, we all chatted and the produce table was up. It's great. You can pick up a few things for a donation. It's better then when the market vendors would throw it all away.
After church the kids lobbied for Chinese Food. That sounded good to me so I told them to lobby daddy. He's the tough one on that. He agreed so we went to our favorite place. A little dim sum, a couple more regular things....yum. Sophia later reported, "That was good Chinese. I can still taste it when I burp." What a lady....
Then on to IKEA! I love to go to IKEA and don't need much of an excuse to go. But today we needed a BIG basket that we could put the kids coats in. They come in the house and just throw them on the floor, now at least they'll have a target to throw them. I am trying to make it as easy as possible. If you can't beat 'em..... The kids asked for a bunch of stuff...they got nuthin'. By the end of the trip to IKEA they knew they weren't getting anything and the gave up. I love how Coulter would say, "But I want it because I have been so good." My response, "We have raised you to be good. That is my expectation."
Next home again, home again.... As we drive up what's across the street from our house? 4 guys in armor sword fighting. They had a whole little set up. When the kids went over the wenches gave the kids little foam swords. It was really something. The ladies were preparing some meat thing over a gas flame thing and I think they were drinking some sort of grog. I snapped off a few pics and the kids thought that was so cool. Apparently they are going to be here monthly.
After our bit of sword fighting we went to the ice cream social for Kees' school. The weather was fabulous and there were all kinds of things going on. There were pony rides, ice cream, 2 bouncy houses, live music, and lots of playing on the play ground. Iva even got to come. Everyone had fun.
We were home by 3:30. This meant my day of getting things done was almost shot. I had planned to and really wanted to reupholster my dinning room chairs. This is something that I have wanted to do since the first day that I set my eyes on that nasty green material on the seats. Totally YUCK. On the plus side, we used the yucky material as our practice material so it has all the stains on it. Yesterday I picked up some material that is PERFECT for our colors and I got it for a DOLLAR at a yard sale. How cool is that? But alas....the day is only so long.
FIRST, we turned down the kids' request for play dates. We are hell bent on making them learn to entertain themselves. This went on almost every hour on the hour. I was ready to beat them. Bob and I spent our time getting out the winter stuff and organizing. Each kid has their own basket or drawer. All coats go in the BIG BASKET, hats, gloves, scarves, back packs etc go in their own space. Man I hope this works. I hate the clutter at the door. My kids don't even notice it.
After the stuff was organized, put away it was time to ..... make dinner. Damn...my chairs. As I moved into the kitchen Bob said, "I'll go pick something up." I love him. I GOT TO START ON MY CHAIRS!!! The new material covered 5 chairs and then I have another material for the rest. I am really happy with my new chairs but especially happy that I was able to do it myself. They look great! I am tired but really happy with the result.
It was a good Sunday albeit busy and a little strange. How often do you have guys in armor sword fighting in YOUR front yard? Yes indeed, today was like a box of chocolates.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
T'weens! Just a Bit Annoying!!!!!!
#1 - Kids are a total blessing and ALWAYS a joy.
a) All the time
b) Some of the time
c) Rarely
d) Most of the time but they are tons of work (caveat - only if you want them to turn out as healthy adults). They can create tons of extra work for you and can test your friendships with even your best mom friends.
Hummmm.....Let me think this through. I'll get back to you with my answer.
I will start this with the most important facts. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!! She is terminally cool. She is smart. Sophia amazes me with her bright personality, her compassion for others and for how much she loves her brothers. She is loving and I like being around her.
Of course that is most of the time......... The other times are more challenging.
Sophia has a temper. When she is out of balance her temper runs short REALLY SHORT. I get it, so does mine. Unfortunately she has not learned all of her life skills yet. I guess that is where I am supposed to step in and teach her, and man, have I been stepping in lately.
It's a long story but in short, Sophia has a new friend, Carlie. They have been BFF for 2 weeks now. I know this negates the second "F" but they are having a preteen love affair and for them it seems like forever from here on out. This is not the problem. The problem is that Sophia has been spending less time with her long time buddies.
One of the great things about Carlie is that she loves horses and is still willing to play horses. At almost 9, it's pretty cute that they still love to pretend. Apparently at recess they play either horses or doggies. Two of Sophia's long time buddies are Amelia and Claire. They are feeling left out. Three days ago Claire asked Sophia to play at recess. Sophia was already playing doggies with Carlie so she said, "We're playing doggies. You can either be a dog or an owner." Claire had another plan and said, "I want to go on the tire swing." Sophia declined since she was already engaged. Claire said, "Can we play tomorrow?" To which Sophia replied, "Maybe. I'll try." (At least this is what she reported to me.) The problem is Claire heard, "Yeah. Tomorrow." There in lies the problem. I don't know what was actually said but that is what they each said they said. (That is a bad sentence.)
The next day I was doing pick up for the girls. I had Sophia and Amelia already and then Claire came down the ramp.
The first thing she said to Sophia was, "You lied! You said you'd play with me today and you didn't. You're a liar."
Sophia, looking stunned, said, "I didn't lie. I said that MAYBE I would play with you."
Claire - "Naught ahhh, you said you'd play with me and you lied."
Sophia - "No I didn't. I said maybe."
Claire - "No you didn't. You lied."
I stepped in.... "Claire, I know you're upset but you can't call people names. We can discuss this. Tell me what happened and we'll see if we can figure this out."
Claire explained to me the situation as described above and in her story Sophia promised to play with her. Then she went back to calling Sophia a liar. I stopped her again saying that she can't call people names and then I asked Sophia what happened. She, of course, told us that she hadn't promised to play. I said that obviously we had a miscommunication and we needed to move past it. Claire stopped calling Sophia a liar but by the way she looked at Sophia I could tell she was still really frustrated. Sophia may have said, "yes" to playing the next day with out really thinking it through. We'll need to work on that. We rode to Amelia's house where we dropped off Amelia and Claire.
Last week Sophia had an issue with Amelia. Honestly, I don't remember most of the details but it was mostly a miscommunication. Amelia was complaining to her mom, Mary Ann, and Sophia was complaining to me. Sophia told me that Amelia was giving her the "evil eye" and she didn't like it. She she told Amelia to stop staring at her and Amelia would say, "I'm not looking at you." Then they would get in a pissing contest. I will say that I have seen Amelia do this. She may not know she's doing it but I can see Sophia's point. Amelia was still saying that she wasn't looking at Sophia. They carried this around for a week. It was really annoying to Mary Ann and me.
Mary Ann had also shared with me that Sophia had been sassy to her earlier in the week. I had heard this a few times from Mary Ann. I know Sophia can be strong willed but I was surprised. I told Mary Ann that she has full permission to correct Sophia's behavior if she is acting out.
Mary Ann and I decided that we would sit the girls down on Friday after school and straighten this out. Friday afternoon, we sat the girls down and told them that they needed to get over it and work things out. We can help them with the big problems but they need to work on the little problems them selves. We said that we were friends and were going to continue to be so they needed to get along. I told Sophia that she needed to listen to Mary Ann when she was with her. I explained that when she was with Mary Ann that she was responsible for her well being both physically and emotionally. Mary Ann said the same goes for Amelia when she is with me. The girls worked it out, they played and then had a sleep over. Great.
Saturday morning Mary Ann brought Sophia home. Mary Ann reported that Sophia was bent out of shape when she was leaving their house and reported that Sophia said, "I just want a play date with Carlie anyway." Sophia was upset because she had 10 pages of homework to do when she got home. She had been complaining about this homework for 2 full days already. I think her statement was driven by her frustration. None the less, it was inappropriate. Up until that point everything had been fine.
Now, back to the day when Claire and Sophia were arguing. I took them both to Mary Ann's house where she was going to take Amelia and Claire to gymnastics. Pam, Claire's mom, was to pick them up from gymnastics. On the way home the girls were talking and said Sophia was being mean. Claire said that Sophia had yelled at her and Reed, her brother, on Movie Night (We had Movie Night at our house on Saturday Night). I was here during Movie Night and - a) didn't hear a disturbance and b) didn't get a report from anyone that Sophia was yelling.
Pam talked to Mary Ann. Mary Ann called me to give me a "heads up" telling me that Pam was going to talk to me. Again with Mary Ann telling me my kid is misbehaving. I lost it. I said, "Mary Ann, it can't all be my kid. I know Sophia can be difficult but really it just can't all be Sophia." We talked for a while longer and I said, "Thanks for the heads up." but I was still frustrated by more drama!
At pick up I talked to Pam. She talked about Saturday Night (she wasn't' there on Sat.) I told her no one had reported any trouble and if they did I would have helped them work it out. I told her to tell her kids that if they need help working things out, and their parents aren't there, they can come to me. She said thanks and that we could talk about it more later. The kids were standing right there so that was pretty much the end of it. I think we are clear about that but we didn't get to talk about the "liar" situation.
When we got home with Amelia in tow Sophia and Amelia were not talking. I don't know why but they weren't. Amelia said she wanted to wait outside for her mom. I asked Sophia if she knew what was going on. She said she had asked Amelia to come in and play but she didn't want to. After I insisted a few times Amelia came in. Then she went to the basement. I told Sophia, who was sitting at the dinning room table, to go down and ask her friend to play. She did. Amelia was playing blocks with Coutler and declined the invitation. I said that was fine and I was glad she made the effort. I explained that when a guest is in your house you need to make them feel welcome.
Mary Ann came to pick Amelia up and then I had a talk with Sophia. I told her that she needed to start taking care of her issues with her friends. I explained that I have my own problems and I can't be stepping in to "fix" her problems too. I also explained that her issues with her friends were starting to really upset me and cause stress in my friendships with her friend's parents. Then I told her that she needed to figure out how to repair her friendships with both Claire and Amelia and call them immediately. She understood.
She called Claire and left a message. Then she called Amelia and worked things out. A bit later Claire called back. I overheard Sophia say, "Claire, when you called me a liar that hurt my feelings." They went back and forth for a moment and then I heard Sophia say, "Claire, CLAIRE! OK. Let's just say that is the past and this is the future. Let's just forget about it and be friends now." Then there was some agreeable conversation.
When she hung up I called her in. I said, "WOW Sophia. That was great! You did a really good job! I am very impressed with how you handled that." I explained what "Let's let by gones be by gones" means and "Let's agree to disagree." I told her how you can disagree with someone and still be friends. You have to learn how to work around those issues. We all have to learn this at some point or we'd have NO friends. Additionally, she is potentially going to be around these kids for the next 9 years so they better learn to get along.
I have talked to Mary Ann and we have worked our stuff out. I apologized for being snappy the other day. Mary Ann is a good friend and I told her I did not want those kids to come between us. I told her what I told Sophia and explained that I was going to lean on Sophia to solve her own problems. Of course I'll be there to help her learn and figure things out but for the most part she needs to think about and solve most of her friend issues on her own. Mary Ann agreed whole heartedly and said she had a very similar conversation with Amelia.
I am exhausted just writing about it. I know this post is long and drawn out but believe me, the real life thing seemed like forever. I pray we are nearing the end of all this silly drama. I am over it! We need our village to get back to functioning as a calm and collective whole. AND our girls need to learn these life skills. I think Sophia is getting it. Mary Ann and I have many more years that we need to spend together too. My "Momma Bear" came out when she was trying to be proactive and let me know about a situation. At least now Mary Ann and I are on the same page and I am grateful for her friendship and patience. Like my daughter, I can pounce when pressed. I pounced too soon.
So I'll bet you can figure out the answer to my original question. Hell yeah it's "D." I love you Sophia.
a) All the time
b) Some of the time
c) Rarely
d) Most of the time but they are tons of work (caveat - only if you want them to turn out as healthy adults). They can create tons of extra work for you and can test your friendships with even your best mom friends.
Hummmm.....Let me think this through. I'll get back to you with my answer.
I will start this with the most important facts. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!! She is terminally cool. She is smart. Sophia amazes me with her bright personality, her compassion for others and for how much she loves her brothers. She is loving and I like being around her.
Of course that is most of the time......... The other times are more challenging.
Sophia has a temper. When she is out of balance her temper runs short REALLY SHORT. I get it, so does mine. Unfortunately she has not learned all of her life skills yet. I guess that is where I am supposed to step in and teach her, and man, have I been stepping in lately.
It's a long story but in short, Sophia has a new friend, Carlie. They have been BFF for 2 weeks now. I know this negates the second "F" but they are having a preteen love affair and for them it seems like forever from here on out. This is not the problem. The problem is that Sophia has been spending less time with her long time buddies.
One of the great things about Carlie is that she loves horses and is still willing to play horses. At almost 9, it's pretty cute that they still love to pretend. Apparently at recess they play either horses or doggies. Two of Sophia's long time buddies are Amelia and Claire. They are feeling left out. Three days ago Claire asked Sophia to play at recess. Sophia was already playing doggies with Carlie so she said, "We're playing doggies. You can either be a dog or an owner." Claire had another plan and said, "I want to go on the tire swing." Sophia declined since she was already engaged. Claire said, "Can we play tomorrow?" To which Sophia replied, "Maybe. I'll try." (At least this is what she reported to me.) The problem is Claire heard, "Yeah. Tomorrow." There in lies the problem. I don't know what was actually said but that is what they each said they said. (That is a bad sentence.)
The next day I was doing pick up for the girls. I had Sophia and Amelia already and then Claire came down the ramp.
The first thing she said to Sophia was, "You lied! You said you'd play with me today and you didn't. You're a liar."
Sophia, looking stunned, said, "I didn't lie. I said that MAYBE I would play with you."
Claire - "Naught ahhh, you said you'd play with me and you lied."
Sophia - "No I didn't. I said maybe."
Claire - "No you didn't. You lied."
I stepped in.... "Claire, I know you're upset but you can't call people names. We can discuss this. Tell me what happened and we'll see if we can figure this out."
Claire explained to me the situation as described above and in her story Sophia promised to play with her. Then she went back to calling Sophia a liar. I stopped her again saying that she can't call people names and then I asked Sophia what happened. She, of course, told us that she hadn't promised to play. I said that obviously we had a miscommunication and we needed to move past it. Claire stopped calling Sophia a liar but by the way she looked at Sophia I could tell she was still really frustrated. Sophia may have said, "yes" to playing the next day with out really thinking it through. We'll need to work on that. We rode to Amelia's house where we dropped off Amelia and Claire.
Last week Sophia had an issue with Amelia. Honestly, I don't remember most of the details but it was mostly a miscommunication. Amelia was complaining to her mom, Mary Ann, and Sophia was complaining to me. Sophia told me that Amelia was giving her the "evil eye" and she didn't like it. She she told Amelia to stop staring at her and Amelia would say, "I'm not looking at you." Then they would get in a pissing contest. I will say that I have seen Amelia do this. She may not know she's doing it but I can see Sophia's point. Amelia was still saying that she wasn't looking at Sophia. They carried this around for a week. It was really annoying to Mary Ann and me.
Mary Ann had also shared with me that Sophia had been sassy to her earlier in the week. I had heard this a few times from Mary Ann. I know Sophia can be strong willed but I was surprised. I told Mary Ann that she has full permission to correct Sophia's behavior if she is acting out.
Mary Ann and I decided that we would sit the girls down on Friday after school and straighten this out. Friday afternoon, we sat the girls down and told them that they needed to get over it and work things out. We can help them with the big problems but they need to work on the little problems them selves. We said that we were friends and were going to continue to be so they needed to get along. I told Sophia that she needed to listen to Mary Ann when she was with her. I explained that when she was with Mary Ann that she was responsible for her well being both physically and emotionally. Mary Ann said the same goes for Amelia when she is with me. The girls worked it out, they played and then had a sleep over. Great.
Saturday morning Mary Ann brought Sophia home. Mary Ann reported that Sophia was bent out of shape when she was leaving their house and reported that Sophia said, "I just want a play date with Carlie anyway." Sophia was upset because she had 10 pages of homework to do when she got home. She had been complaining about this homework for 2 full days already. I think her statement was driven by her frustration. None the less, it was inappropriate. Up until that point everything had been fine.
Now, back to the day when Claire and Sophia were arguing. I took them both to Mary Ann's house where she was going to take Amelia and Claire to gymnastics. Pam, Claire's mom, was to pick them up from gymnastics. On the way home the girls were talking and said Sophia was being mean. Claire said that Sophia had yelled at her and Reed, her brother, on Movie Night (We had Movie Night at our house on Saturday Night). I was here during Movie Night and - a) didn't hear a disturbance and b) didn't get a report from anyone that Sophia was yelling.
Pam talked to Mary Ann. Mary Ann called me to give me a "heads up" telling me that Pam was going to talk to me. Again with Mary Ann telling me my kid is misbehaving. I lost it. I said, "Mary Ann, it can't all be my kid. I know Sophia can be difficult but really it just can't all be Sophia." We talked for a while longer and I said, "Thanks for the heads up." but I was still frustrated by more drama!
At pick up I talked to Pam. She talked about Saturday Night (she wasn't' there on Sat.) I told her no one had reported any trouble and if they did I would have helped them work it out. I told her to tell her kids that if they need help working things out, and their parents aren't there, they can come to me. She said thanks and that we could talk about it more later. The kids were standing right there so that was pretty much the end of it. I think we are clear about that but we didn't get to talk about the "liar" situation.
When we got home with Amelia in tow Sophia and Amelia were not talking. I don't know why but they weren't. Amelia said she wanted to wait outside for her mom. I asked Sophia if she knew what was going on. She said she had asked Amelia to come in and play but she didn't want to. After I insisted a few times Amelia came in. Then she went to the basement. I told Sophia, who was sitting at the dinning room table, to go down and ask her friend to play. She did. Amelia was playing blocks with Coutler and declined the invitation. I said that was fine and I was glad she made the effort. I explained that when a guest is in your house you need to make them feel welcome.
Mary Ann came to pick Amelia up and then I had a talk with Sophia. I told her that she needed to start taking care of her issues with her friends. I explained that I have my own problems and I can't be stepping in to "fix" her problems too. I also explained that her issues with her friends were starting to really upset me and cause stress in my friendships with her friend's parents. Then I told her that she needed to figure out how to repair her friendships with both Claire and Amelia and call them immediately. She understood.
She called Claire and left a message. Then she called Amelia and worked things out. A bit later Claire called back. I overheard Sophia say, "Claire, when you called me a liar that hurt my feelings." They went back and forth for a moment and then I heard Sophia say, "Claire, CLAIRE! OK. Let's just say that is the past and this is the future. Let's just forget about it and be friends now." Then there was some agreeable conversation.
When she hung up I called her in. I said, "WOW Sophia. That was great! You did a really good job! I am very impressed with how you handled that." I explained what "Let's let by gones be by gones" means and "Let's agree to disagree." I told her how you can disagree with someone and still be friends. You have to learn how to work around those issues. We all have to learn this at some point or we'd have NO friends. Additionally, she is potentially going to be around these kids for the next 9 years so they better learn to get along.
I have talked to Mary Ann and we have worked our stuff out. I apologized for being snappy the other day. Mary Ann is a good friend and I told her I did not want those kids to come between us. I told her what I told Sophia and explained that I was going to lean on Sophia to solve her own problems. Of course I'll be there to help her learn and figure things out but for the most part she needs to think about and solve most of her friend issues on her own. Mary Ann agreed whole heartedly and said she had a very similar conversation with Amelia.
I am exhausted just writing about it. I know this post is long and drawn out but believe me, the real life thing seemed like forever. I pray we are nearing the end of all this silly drama. I am over it! We need our village to get back to functioning as a calm and collective whole. AND our girls need to learn these life skills. I think Sophia is getting it. Mary Ann and I have many more years that we need to spend together too. My "Momma Bear" came out when she was trying to be proactive and let me know about a situation. At least now Mary Ann and I are on the same page and I am grateful for her friendship and patience. Like my daughter, I can pounce when pressed. I pounced too soon.
So I'll bet you can figure out the answer to my original question. Hell yeah it's "D." I love you Sophia.
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