Over Heard at My House

Kees was talking about his underwear to a friend, a girl. Kees informed said friend that, “The underwear that I have on today don’t have sleeves. They’re just…..short.”
She giggled and said, “Me too.”
Kees said, “I usually wear the kind with sleeves.”
She giggled again and said, “Me too.”

I signed Coulter and Kees up for day camp at Camp Namanu, Camp in the City. The camp is called “Iron Chef.” Kees rolls his eyes and insists that it’s “Iron Fresh.”

This morning when the kids were eating breakfast they were chatting, about what, I don’t know.
Sophia turned to me and said, “Mom, you know the perimeter at Costco?”
Me thinking, “Yes, it’s the area around the store. They generally place items there that you need so you have to go all around the store to get the crucial items.” But I didn’t say that I just answered, “Yes.”
And she said, “What is it?”
I just started laughing. I was thinking, “What kind of question is that?”
She asked, “Why are you laughing?”
I said because your question doesn’t make any sense.
Then Coulter said, “How far around the store is it?”
I said, “That is a much better question. It’s about a ¼ mile or the same distance as it is around the track.” That seemed to satisfy them. I guess they were chatting about the Run for the Arts but I am not sure how Costco got involved.

This afternoon we were getting in the car. Kees came up to me and made a noise that sounded to me like a laser gun. I asked, “Why are you shooting me?”
And he said (like I was stupid), “I’m not shooting you. I’m killing you with my light saber.” Oh, duh……

On the way to horse lessons Coulter was looking at a field of grass about the size of 3 city blocks. He asked, “Mom, how do you grow grass?”
I said, “From seeds.”
He said, “That field probably took one seed.”
I laughed and said, “No, probably millions.”

Progress

Maybe Kees is smarter than me. I know he presses issues more than I do. I think all kids do more than adults. I have come to realize that their WHOLE little lives revolve around them. They are the center of their own universe. I have known this for a long time but Kees takes it to a whole new level. I know that I was there at one time but then we are trained out of that to nurture others. We consider other’s feelings and move through this life taking in information about others and adding it to the equation before making decisions. We’re working on him.

I have toned down the yelling a lot this past week. I am sure that he loves getting a rise out of me so I am turning the other cheek, then doing it again, and again and so on…. I have to be tougher than him. I am doing my best to be a rock in the river. I am a force of nature and cannot be moved. I keep telling myself that over and over and eventually it will be true, right?

Stubborn Boy

My-oh-my I have a stubborn boy. I am not sure where this is coming from but he is getting on my last nerve. Kees can be the sweetest kid in the world but he can also be a total butt. He is going through a defiant stage to say the least.

I have signed Kees up for sports in the past. I asked him if he wanted to play and he said he did. When we’d get to the field he would start being “shy.” Kees is not shy. He usually refuses to go onto the field and turns into a pile of goo. It’s really annoying, not to mention EXPENSIVE. So I stopped signing him up for anything other than school. About a month ago out of nowhere Kees said, “I want to do swimming lessons.” I thought, “Hallelujah, he is going to participate!” I asked him again, “Are you sure you want to take swimming lessons?” He said he did. Excellent. I went on line and found swimming lessons for Kees and Coulter at the same time on Saturday mornings.

Three weeks ago was the first lesson. The boys put on their swim suits and Bob took them. They both got in the water. This is going, forgive the pun, swimmingly. Ha ha ha…. The lessons are only 25 minutes long and Kees participated for about 15 minutes and then he was out. That was enough for him.

Bob got home and was frustrated. Kees started saying, “I didn’t say I wanted swimming lessons!” Oh brother, give me a break. On the plus side, Coulter did great! Last week Kees got in the water and then got right back out. This week we had a big talk before lessons. We told him that if he didn’t participate there would be consequences. If he didn’t swim he wouldn’t get to do some of the fun stuff that we were planning for today. He understood. He didn’t even get in the water.

Bob came home frustrated AGAIN. Next Kees said he wanted something to eat. Alright, we had left over lamb burgers, one of Kees’ favorites. Bob offered him a burger and he said, “OK.” He took a bite and then refused to eat it. He said, “I wanted beef.” I lost it. This is the biggest bunch of BS I have heard in a LONG time. He not only was being obstinate about swimming but was now going to complain about his burger and “demand” beef. Puuuh LLLLeeezzzzzeeee! I jumped up and said, “GO TO YOUR ROOM.” I was not messing around. I chased him to the bottom of the stairs and he knew I was serious. When he got to his room I told him to close the door. He did and then he threw a fit and cried. Good. Maybe we’ll get through to him.

We had been planning to go out as a family today. We were going to do a little shopping, including going to a cool toy store, and then out for ice cream. Not Disneyland but not bad either. I told Bob to take Coulter and Sophia and I’d stay home with Kees. This was part of his punishment. They left. Kees cried.

He started shouting from upstairs, “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty……I have to go to the bathroom.” I told him to go. I waited a few minutes and then I told him to come down and he could have a lamb burger. That was my only offering. He came down and sat down. I heated the burger, cut it up and put it in front of him.

I asked, “Do you want ketchup.”
He said, “Yeah.”
I said, “Yes please?”
He looked at me blankly and said nothing.
“Well then, I guess you don’t get ketchup.” And I walked away.
He whined, “Pleeeeeeessse.” in a little annoying voice.
I said from the other room, “You had your chance.”
And he pouted.
About 10 minutes later he asked nicely, “Can I have some ketchup please.” I got if for him. He finished his burger, his non beef burger.

We talked. He asked what Sophia and Coulter were doing with daddy. I told him. When I got to the ice cream part he cried. I told him that was too bad and that if he wasn’t going to cooperate he was going to be missing out some fun things. I also informed him that he wasn’t going to be swimming this summer unless he takes swimming lessons.

I know this may all sound like torture but we are at an impasse with him. He is pushing our buttons just to push our buttons. He has been lying, little lies, but lies. He won’t eat what he’s given for dinner or lunch. He won’t participate in swimming or anything else he’s been signed up for. He’s been saying things under his breath and then claiming that, “I said it to myself.” Ah, nope, you said it to be a pain. He’s been lagging behind when it’s clean up time so that Coulter has to do most of the cleaning. He does the opposite of whatever we tell him to do. Etc, etc, etc….. I am finished and if he thinks he’s stubborn guess where he got it from. He’s 5 and I am a professional. I can out stubborn him any day.

Earlier this week he lied to Bob. We told him to put on his PJs and brush his teeth and then we’d read a story. He put on his PJs and came down stairs. Bob was upstairs and called Kees to brush his teeth. He said, “I already brushed my teeth.” Bob called him up stairs to show him which tooth brush he used. Kees said, “It’s already dry.” What? Does he think we’re stupid? Apparently so…. Bob had a Mexican Stand-off with Kees. It took a half hour and lots of screaming by Kees but he brushed his teeth and finally apologized to Bob for lying. I can’t have him lying and I am glad Bob had to deal with that. I’ve been telling him that I have been dealing with this but I don’t think he realized how stubborn Kees has been.

We’re having a good old fashion show down. Until he straightens out he won’t be doing much of anything. No play dates, no ice cream, no special treats nothing. He’ll be playing by himself. If I have to stay home with him when the others go do something fun, I will. If his behavior doesn’t change we are going to have a monster on our hands.

I’ve been reading Taking Charge by Joanne Nordling. Of course Bob’s approach is closer to what you are supposed to do. Dang it. Yelling is so gratifying but in this case (or Kees if you will) it isn’t going to work. The book says ignore self indulgent behavior and use natural consequences. Deep breath….OK I can do this. I’ll be changing my behavior to get his under control. Wish me luck.

Naked Party!

Kees had a play date with one of his buddies this week. It was Monday afternoon and it’s a standing gig….a play date with Lisa. This week it was our turn to host.

I picked up Kees and Lisa from school at noon. They both snacked on their lunches for a while and then I gave them a bit more. There were lots of laughs and jokes, 5 year old jokes. They were having a fine time. After eating they played in the office for a bit and eventually went upstairs to play.

They played for almost an hour. It was ruckus time. I decided it was time for me to have lunch. I made a bowl of soup and sat down in front of the TV. I needed a break. As I sat there I listened for the kids….not a peep. As any parent knows, if there is no noise they are into something they shouldn’t be. This is true about 99% of the time, the other 1% of the time they have fallen asleep. There is NO in between, none.

I waited about 3 minutes hoping that there would be some noise so I could finish my lunch….but there wasn’t any. Damn. I started up the stairs quietly. And then I remembered that they are 5 and wouldn’t be able to a) pull it together fast enough if they heard me and b) that they were probably so engrossed in whatever they were doing that they wouldn’t hear me.

I got to the top of the stairs and turned into the boys’ room. They had built a fort on Kees’ bed. Kees noticed me and ducked down. I heard, “Hey, smell my butt.” GROSS!! I reached up and yanked the top of their fort off. Lisa, pants down, stared at me WIDE EYED! Kees had on shorts. I guess it wasn’t his turn. I said, “Both of you put your clothes on and come down stairs NOW!” I needed to buy some time.

Kids do this. They’re curious. Neither Sophia nor Coulter ever did it as far as I know and I don’t think I am any smarter now than I was then.

Kees, he’s his own dude. He doesn’t care much about the rules because, duh, they don’t apply to him. When I say, “Eat your dinner.” he hears, “Sophia and Coulter, eat your dinner. Kees, you just sit there make stupid noises.” When he’s in trouble he doesn’t care. He gets a smirk on his face and has an expression that says, “Whatcha gunna do? I dare ya.” He has no concern and knows that the trouble is temporary. He can wait it out.

Sophia and Coulter both are very concerned when they get in trouble. They hear me and respond appropriately. Kees….not so much. And while the things that he does now aren’t so bad he needs to know that I mean business. What if he carries this attitude into high school? I’ll be screwed, that’s what.

I need to respond appropriately, I don’t want to scare them but I do want them to know that private parts are just that, private. They sit on the couch. Lisa sits right next to Kees. I tell her to move to the other end of the couch. She is wide eyed and is responding just as most kids would. She’s freaked out that I caught them. Kees, he’s doing the half smirk thing. “Kees, this is serious!” He doesn’t care. I launch into my lecture.
“No one but you or the doctor (when you’re 5) touches your PRIVATE parts.” I tell them that this is serious and that they can’t be trusted. I ask them what we’re going to do about this. They don’t know.

I decide I’ll call Lisa’s mom. “Hello, Sarah? This is Heather. I need to tell you what our kids were doing. They made a fort and were taking their clothes off and touching each other.” She bursts into total hysterics. I say, “Sarah, this is really serious.” OK honestly, I think it’s kinda funny too but I am sitting in front of them. I stand up and walk away quickly. I CAN’T LAUGH! I walk into the office and whisper, “You’re not supposed to laugh because you’ll make me laugh.” She’s still laughing and says, “I’m glad it was at your house and not mine.” Yeah, me too, NOT! She, jokingly says, “I’m sure it was all Kees’ idea. My daughter would never do that.” She’s still laughing. I tell her, “See you in a bit.” and hang up. All my friends know that, “My kid(s) would never do that.” is a total farce. Only ignorant parents think their kid is above doing wrong. Those of us living in reality know better.

Kees and Lisa sat on the couch for almost an hour. I didn’t make them but I didn’t release them either. After an hour Kees got up. Lisa was right behind. I told them they had to play in the office because I had to keep an eye on them. They both said, “We won’t do it again.” but again, I had to let them know that I thought this was serious.

When Sarah arrived, Lisa was right at the door and said, “Can we go now?” and lunged for the door. She didn’t have on shoes, didn’t have her lunch box nuthin’. Sarah, knowing the deal just told her that she had to get her stuff together. We chatted. All is well. Kids do that blah, blah, blah.

Later on I made Kees tell his daddy what happened. I told Bob that he HAD to act like this was serious. They talked.

I have since talked to Kees and told him that I was disappointed and that if he was going to do that kind of stuff I couldn’t trust him. He finally, after a couple hours of me repeating that it was serious in various ways, seems to be understanding that it is serious. He needs to respect his private parts and other’s. They are not for sharing…..yet. I did leave the “yet” part out.

It’s fine line. I don’t want him to be ashamed but I also don’t want him sharing his private parts. I especially want him to know that it’s really not OK for anyone else to touch his private parts. He doesn’t understand all that and it’s my job to protect him.

This whole job would be a lot easier if our kids could respond the same way, follow instructions and stay out of trouble, but they don’t. I am hoping that the naked parties are over for now. I don’t need any kid naked parties in my house for at least 15 more years. Lord help me….

Oh What a Night!

Tonight has been a tough one. At about 10 after midnight Kees woke up barking. Unfortunately this is a sound that I have come to recognize all too well. He starts with a cough and in no time at all it turns into a full blown croup. He can’t breathe, the coughing gets worse so it’s even harder to breathe, then he gets scared so he starts crying which makes his vocal chords swell even worse. It’s scary for both of us and I always have to make the call, do we go to the hospital or not?

To make matters even worse we are in Spokane. I don’t have his medicine. I have been really good about bringing it in the past but this time….no meds….of course. It didn’t even cross my mind because everyone has been really healthy.

When he first started “barking” I tried to calm him down. Coughing just makes it so much worse. I had to wake up my friend to get some cough medicine. She also got a cool air humidifier for us. She knows how this works. I took him outside first but I don’t think it was cold enough and he was coughing a ton. Next I whisked him into the bathroom, shut the door and cranked the shower on full hot. IT HELPED A LOT AND FAST! Thank God! I was about to run him to the hospital. He still didn’t sound great but he could breathe a bit and the coughing stopped. I took him to the living room and turned on Blue’s Clues. I find that if he is distracted he doesn’t work as hard breathing. Good….it’s all good.

As we’re sitting quietly watching Blue’s Clues, Sophia comes running down the stairs. She says, “My stomach hurts.” and I can tell she’s about to throw up. I tell her to run into the bathroom and I follow. She is shaking and sitting on the floor. She says it’s because she’s sick but it looks like she’s freezing. She swears she’s not. Indeed, she does throw up. Ah, this is why I didn’t go to the emergency room. I am grateful that I was there. She would have been afraid if she needed me in the middle of the night and I wasn’t available. Of course I would have told her I was leaving before I went but she’s 10. She needs her mommy when she’s sick.

This, by the way, is the second time in 3 days that she has thrown up in the middle of the night. There has been a lot going on. Her fiddle teacher died 2 days ago and she has been really upset about that. During the day she seems fine but I think she stews at night and gets worked up. I’m not sure how to help her other than listen and try and walk her through her grief. I’m still not sure if she’s sick from illness or grief.

I return to the couch where Kees’ show ended. He sounds MUCH better but still, I want to sit up with him and keep an eye on his situation. I turn on a Veggie Tales for him. He’s happy about that, or as happy as he can be in this situation. Sophia joins us. She sits on the side of the couch closest to the bathroom. After a few minutes I ask her how she feels and she says she feels better being “distracted”. Her words, not mine.

So there they sat, quiet and distracted but both feeling better. Sleep is way over rated anyway right? I finally had them go to sleep at 3. As I type it’s almost 4am. I am sitting up like the momma bear watching and listening to my cubs to make sure they’re alright. They’re both sleeping on the couch, toe to toe. Kees is propped up just like we’d do for him when he was a baby. Sophia is at the end closest to the bathroom though she seems fine. I’m going to get a sleeping bag and try to sleep in a chair so I am at the ready. The hours at the job are the pits but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s what parents do.

Chick Rose

This week the world lost an amazing man and talent. I don’t think he would have described himself this way but everyone one that has ever been touched by Chick Rose would surely agree. I was blessed to know Chick for a very brief time. I know him more from the many people around me who grew up with Chick, from their stories, and the way everyone looked up to Chick. Most recently we knew Chick because he was Sophia’s fiddle teacher. She was thrilled to be taking lessons from Chick Rose…THE CHICK ROSE!

Chick is known throughout the NW Bluegrass world because of his commitment to teach kids bluegrass. These kids are all known as Chick’s Kids. It didn’t matter if you had ever played music or heard bluegrass. If you were the least bit interested or had any desire Chick would hand you an instrument, teach you to strum to the beat and you, my friend, would be jammin’ with a bluegrass group. If you have had the privilege of jamming with a bluegrass group I am guessing that you are hooked and are currently playing, in some capacity. It’s hard not to love it. Why would you not love it?

Sophia was lucky enough to be adopted by Clara Baker, Rebecca Bauer and Greg Baker. Clara was Sophia’s first fiddle teacher, Greg wrote the book that Sophia was learning from and Rebecca, she’s the guitar playing mom. Without the mom the machine ceases to run.

Last summer they went to Stevenson to the Columbia Gorge Bluegrass Festival and invited Sophia along. She was there for the weekend and got to attend her first Chick Rose kid’s workshop. When I went to pick her up she was in the shade tent jamming with Gregg and Clara. It was awesome! The beautiful thing that I have seen with the bluegrass peeps is they include everyone and will play to a kid’s level to give them confidence and keep them engaged. As the parent of a budding musician, it’s a beautiful thing. I was taught classical music…not really fun when you’re a kid. A fiddle around a campfire with a bunch of your bluegrass buddies…now that is fun. That is worth practicing for.

This past January Sophia skipped school and played in the River City Music Festival in yet another Chick Workshop. She was nervous because she hadn’t been playing much. She called me at lunch time and wanted to come home. Chick caught wind of this and took her under his wing. He had her sit right next to him and he made sure she was learning, having fun and feeling comfortable. If you aren’t doing those three things why would you want to continue on? By the end of the day her confidence was up and she was jamming. As a matter of fact the kids had a concert that kind of kicked off the festival (mostly for the parents) and Sophia had the first solo! She is convinced, to this day, that she kicked off the whole hootenanny. She was beaming. And all of her excitement and success is directly due to Chick’s involvement and care.

I could tell you that her experience is unique but it isn’t. Chick has influenced COUNTLESS kids. Many, many of those kids are now adults with music careers or a strong passion for their music. I am sure that if you asked bluegrassers throughout the region at least half of them would say Chick influenced them in some way. It’s probably higher but that is my best guess.

Chick gave of himself without asking for anything. His reward, so often, was that the kids he influenced were playing music with a smile on their face. They were part of something bigger than themselves, part of a team, a group and carrying on the joy of music and sharing it with others. These kids in turn share what they know with other kids.

Chick’s body is gone but his spirit will live on in the music and souls of his kids. It’s like the loaves and fishes….no matter how much is taken from the whole there is always more to quench the hunger. The more music that is shared in his way the more music there is. It will never end. That is Chick’s legacy.

He was a huge blessing to so many and that is what makes his passing so hard. I pray he knew how much he was loved. Do any of us really know that for sure? I think he knew in his heart how much he was loved and appreciated. He will be missed but he will not be gone.

Play loud, play strong, share what you know, carry on….It’s what he would have wanted.

***** The pictures included in the post were high-jacked from Facebook. I hope that’s OK with the owners of those pictures. I just wanted anyone who read this to know what this great man looked like.

A Higher Class of Homeless

There has been so much going on. I’m not exactly sure what’s kept me from blogging but I have some suspicions. I’ve been climbing the stairs a LOT. I’ve been helping my brother with a fund raising effort. And I’ve been doing some volunteering. These few things have been taking the little time that I was blogging. I am going to continue to climb the stairs, it gives me energy, it’s good for me and I am committed to keeping my heart pumping. I owe it to myself and my family. I will still volunteer but I don’t think I can keep up with the fundraising. We’ll see. I enjoy it but it really takes a lot of energy.

I have been thinking about what is happening around me.

Last week I was at Starbucks getting my usual coffee. I talked to a very nice woman while I was waiting for my Americano. She was talking about getting warmed up since she had been outside for a while, that it has been a tough economy lately and that she was looking forward to spring. All this is regular conversation. The big difference between us was that she was homeless, wearing a plastic bag over her clothes and was talking about the camp where she was living under a bridge. She was grateful to have a dry place to sleep and 2 sleeping bags so that she could stay really warm at night.

If this woman was wearing a suit or jeans she would have looked and sounded like anyone else. She would blend in with most anyone in my neighborhood. It made me think, “I guess the up side of the crappy economy is higher class homeless people. Is that the sad silver lining?”

There are the regulars in Hollywood. There’s the guy who is “Too ugly to prostitute and is allergic to jail” on one corner, the woman with the cute dog that I have given dog food to and the artist who makes amazing drawings on card board. The last one has been offered help and a leg up with a graphic design firm….she never called or responded to the offer of help.

I don’t know, I haven’t been there but I believe there are some people that are comfortable in their situation. Actually, comfortable isn’t the right word but it’s what they know, where they know what to expect next and how to move through that world. It’s like someone in an abusive relationship. It’s scary to change from what you’re in even if it’s bad.

So that’s my take on the silver lining of our down economy. Look around and see what you think. I believe that there are highly educated people who can’t get a decent job and are therefore homeless. They don’t have the support that I have. In reality, how far are any of us from being homeless? It’s a lot closer than most of us would like to admit though most of my friends all have families and friends that would take care of them in a bad situation. That is most likely the difference between the woman at Starbucks and me. I am blessed.

I am blessed to have a successful husband both professionally and personally. I love him very much and he loves me. We have beautiful, healthy children. Our friends are like family and would take care of us if we needed them and we would do the same for them. That is what family does. And my family on all sides, they would help in a tough situation too. Yes, I am blessed.

I will be keeping my eye out for that woman at Starbucks. She seemed to have the smarts and wits to be successful though that summation was made in a couple of minutes. She did not seem to be “comfortable” as a homeless person but more of a homed person. Her grateful attitude was amazing and made me that much more aware of my blessings. I will continue to be grateful for my life as it is and keep the hope that the homeless population declines too. It’s time to get this country moving into the black and back into homes.