End of Preschool, End of an Era….YIPPIE!!!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE ChildsWork. As a matter of fact I’ve loved ChildsWork since 2004 and sometimes with 2 kids at the school at once. Our family has spent a total of 8 years with CW.

I was a mom with a 3 year old and a baby back in the spring of 2004. We were in a play group. As with any play group there are always the moms who know everything. They have investigated the BEST schools and day cares and always have a babysitter that is just a little bit better than yours. Dang it. One day the conversation turns…..”Where’s little so-n-so going to preschool next year?” WHAT? Am I supposed to be on that already? It’s only February. “Oh yes, if you’re not on the list by now well you have no chance to get into the very best one……the one we’re in.” Dang it again.

I started my frantic search. I had been given lots of names by the mom who started my panic. “I am a good mom, I am a good mom……. How could I have let it go this far?” I went to lots of little schools in basements of houses. “At Butterfly Farts Preschool we think that the children already know everything. That we merely need to let them show us the loving beings they are meant to be.” REALLY? They haven’t met half the kids I know. Next I went to Co-Ops (not really knowing what that was all about). First of all we didn’t get in as most had one slot and 500 applicants. And secondly, ahhh, when my kid is at school I want to be out to coffee with friends, working out or at work. I get plenty of kid time when they’re not at school. And so it went…. School after touchy feely school. “Is this what preschool is meant to be?”

And then I checked out ChildsWork. Now this is what I was talkin’ ‘bout. Kids playing, being involved, teachers that were in it up to their elbows and parents that were at the school (but only when they wanted to be….in other words, not required to be there weekly). I was blessed to tour the school and spend time in Debbie’s Class on my first visit. The thing that I loved the most was that Debbie talked to the kids like they were people. She gave them choices within reason and expected them to act like people. In other schools that I saw the kids were treated like they couldn’t possibly understand what the sing-songy teacher was saying. It struck a chord with me. I remember when I was little and people would talk to me in that sing-songy tone. I distinctly remember thinking, “I’m short, not stupid.” Debbie talked to the kids like they were just shorter than her. I believe that in most cases, when you treat a small person like they have a brain, they will use it. What I saw reflected that. I was IN!!!

Or so I thought…because I was so late, I was wait listed. But a month or so later I WAS IN!!!! Or I should say my daughter was. I felt like I had won the lottery. And as it turns out I really did.

Since our first year starting in 2004 we have been a happy ChildsWork Family. I have been to 8 Family Nights and many more performances. In the early days there was separation anxiety at drop off. By the third kid he was pushing us out the door. “Aw, my baby….. look at….OK, I get it, I’m gone.” Really, he pushed me. He had watched his sister and then his brother go off to school since he was born. He was at ChildsWork when he was 4 days old and has been ever since.

We’ve spent a total of 8 school years with ChildsWork, 8 amazing years of growth and development. My children have been given the basis of knowledge and more importantly the desire to learn. When a kid at ChildsWork has a question they aren’t always given the answer. Often times their question turns into an investigation. Don’t we all learn better by investigating rather than by being fed information?

Letters have been a game….What’s in the “L” Letter Box today? What happens when I shine a light through a color? Two colors? Why does it become a different color? What makes a volcano? Where does rain come from? What is my community? And so much more….. And all these questions lead to amazing answers. When my 4 year old started talking about how the earth moves to make a volcano I was thrilled. He wasn’t told that, he investigated with his class and they discovered the answer together. They were very excited to figure it out. Then they played “Volcanologist” in the lab that they created. It is a natural progression of curiosity that leads to learning. Kids want to learn and ChildsWork gives them the base. They lead the discussion and discovery process. They are gently being guided and are learning how to learn. That is the best gift that a school or a teacher can give a child, the yearn to learn.

So as I sat in the audience of 50 parents, 30 sibs, 20 grandparents and about 1000 recording devices I was happy, thrilled really. I have been to my share of Family Nights. They have all been wonderful in one way or another. My kids have participated fully and also fallen off of stages. I thought “I won’t have to go to another one of these.” But how blessed are we that we had this privilege? We ended up at the right school because Butterfly Farts and all the like schools were full but we came away with so much more.

ChildsWork accepts all kinds of kids from all kinds of families and my kids learned to not question who a parent or a kid should be, that a family just requires love. They learned that learning is FUN. Teachers are there to help you learn and to help when you don’t quite know what to do. Success is in their hands and can be attained by working at it. All these lessons are their basis for success in school and life. As we finish our last few days at ChildsWork I am a little sad that this part of raising kids is over. But I am more glad that we had the experience. I couldn’t be more pleased to call myself a ChildsWork parent. It’s been a privilege and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Oregon Trail

I wrote this while laying in bed last month in the middle of my Oregon Trail Experience. This was the day after I had been tortured by my book group about going out in the rain to have, what I expected, would be a trying time.
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I am not a pioneer. I am a bit more of a princess if you want the truth. I have been given the privilege, yes Becky, the privilege of going with my daughter on her 4th grade over night to learn about the Oregon Trail.

I am here because I love my daughter and she wanted me to go. I am certainly not here because I love camping, being cold and being rained on. It is April and it snowed this morning. Seriously, there was snow here.

As the time drew near for this trip I found myself wanting to go less and less. Sophia, on the other hand, was growing increasingly excited. She kept on asking me if I was excited. I would respond, "Hell no!". OK I am not that mean I, of course, would say that I too was excited. One of the biggest problems was the weather. It started raining on October 1st and it hasn't stopped.....or at least that's what it seems like. In all seriousness there has been measurable rain 38 of the past 40 days and I believe it has rained EVERY day. I was not looking forward to standing and hiking in the rain for hours.

With this "oh so high" expectation how could I be disappointed? I couldn't. I am usually a "Glass half full" kinda gal but in this instance I had a totally empty glass attitude. The beauty of this attitude is if my expectation is met then there you have it. If it doesn't suck then it's a success. If I actually have fun then it's a wild success. I figure I can't go wrong.

The bus trip here took about an hour. During that trip the weather started out cloudy and as we progressed it started to pour. Crap, I was right.

Upon arrival the rain ceased. We went through about 2 hours of instructions, set up and getting situated. It was a bit excessive.

Time to get started, we went to stations to learn about life on the trail. We moved from station to station through lots of mud BUT there was no rain. And at one point we saw the ball of fire in the sky! We learned about building cabins, cutting and splitting wood, candle making, grinding grain, map making, fur trapping and what the pioneers needed to take with them for their trip. If you were ill prepared, you died, PERIOD. We learned that there were approximately 14 grave markers for each mile of the Oregon Trail. That is 28,000 deaths! Yikes!

After our stations we cooked our hamburgers for dinner on hobo stoves. The kids loved that.

Our late evening was spent in a ho down in the gym. The kids all learned the Virginia Reel. Sophia was going to be my partner but then changed her mind at the last minute. I didn't have a partner so I didn't get to dance. Oh well. They had a blast. I know I sound like an old biddy but, why can't we have dances like that any more? The kids had so much fun, it's social and there's no pressure. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the kids having fun.

The last event of the day was the campfire which, in this case, was inside. It was too cold out. There were some camp song and each of the 3 schools performed a little skit or song. Being prejudiced like I am (and right) our's was best....by far.

We finally got the kids in bed at 10. They were tired but all stayed up talking until 10:30. I finally said "enough" and the party was over.

Tomorrow we have a few more stations and then we're headed home. So far it's been fun and a pleasure to be a chaperon. See, now I'm "Winning!" I expected nothing and it's better than that. I say you can't go wrong when you assume it will suck and then it doesn't.

Over Heard at My House

Kees was talking about his underwear to a friend, a girl. Kees informed said friend that, “The underwear that I have on today don’t have sleeves. They’re just…..short.”
She giggled and said, “Me too.”
Kees said, “I usually wear the kind with sleeves.”
She giggled again and said, “Me too.”

I signed Coulter and Kees up for day camp at Camp Namanu, Camp in the City. The camp is called “Iron Chef.” Kees rolls his eyes and insists that it’s “Iron Fresh.”

This morning when the kids were eating breakfast they were chatting, about what, I don’t know.
Sophia turned to me and said, “Mom, you know the perimeter at Costco?”
Me thinking, “Yes, it’s the area around the store. They generally place items there that you need so you have to go all around the store to get the crucial items.” But I didn’t say that I just answered, “Yes.”
And she said, “What is it?”
I just started laughing. I was thinking, “What kind of question is that?”
She asked, “Why are you laughing?”
I said because your question doesn’t make any sense.
Then Coulter said, “How far around the store is it?”
I said, “That is a much better question. It’s about a ¼ mile or the same distance as it is around the track.” That seemed to satisfy them. I guess they were chatting about the Run for the Arts but I am not sure how Costco got involved.

This afternoon we were getting in the car. Kees came up to me and made a noise that sounded to me like a laser gun. I asked, “Why are you shooting me?”
And he said (like I was stupid), “I’m not shooting you. I’m killing you with my light saber.” Oh, duh……

On the way to horse lessons Coulter was looking at a field of grass about the size of 3 city blocks. He asked, “Mom, how do you grow grass?”
I said, “From seeds.”
He said, “That field probably took one seed.”
I laughed and said, “No, probably millions.”

Progress

Maybe Kees is smarter than me. I know he presses issues more than I do. I think all kids do more than adults. I have come to realize that their WHOLE little lives revolve around them. They are the center of their own universe. I have known this for a long time but Kees takes it to a whole new level. I know that I was there at one time but then we are trained out of that to nurture others. We consider other’s feelings and move through this life taking in information about others and adding it to the equation before making decisions. We’re working on him.

I have toned down the yelling a lot this past week. I am sure that he loves getting a rise out of me so I am turning the other cheek, then doing it again, and again and so on…. I have to be tougher than him. I am doing my best to be a rock in the river. I am a force of nature and cannot be moved. I keep telling myself that over and over and eventually it will be true, right?

Stubborn Boy

My-oh-my I have a stubborn boy. I am not sure where this is coming from but he is getting on my last nerve. Kees can be the sweetest kid in the world but he can also be a total butt. He is going through a defiant stage to say the least.

I have signed Kees up for sports in the past. I asked him if he wanted to play and he said he did. When we’d get to the field he would start being “shy.” Kees is not shy. He usually refuses to go onto the field and turns into a pile of goo. It’s really annoying, not to mention EXPENSIVE. So I stopped signing him up for anything other than school. About a month ago out of nowhere Kees said, “I want to do swimming lessons.” I thought, “Hallelujah, he is going to participate!” I asked him again, “Are you sure you want to take swimming lessons?” He said he did. Excellent. I went on line and found swimming lessons for Kees and Coulter at the same time on Saturday mornings.

Three weeks ago was the first lesson. The boys put on their swim suits and Bob took them. They both got in the water. This is going, forgive the pun, swimmingly. Ha ha ha…. The lessons are only 25 minutes long and Kees participated for about 15 minutes and then he was out. That was enough for him.

Bob got home and was frustrated. Kees started saying, “I didn’t say I wanted swimming lessons!” Oh brother, give me a break. On the plus side, Coulter did great! Last week Kees got in the water and then got right back out. This week we had a big talk before lessons. We told him that if he didn’t participate there would be consequences. If he didn’t swim he wouldn’t get to do some of the fun stuff that we were planning for today. He understood. He didn’t even get in the water.

Bob came home frustrated AGAIN. Next Kees said he wanted something to eat. Alright, we had left over lamb burgers, one of Kees’ favorites. Bob offered him a burger and he said, “OK.” He took a bite and then refused to eat it. He said, “I wanted beef.” I lost it. This is the biggest bunch of BS I have heard in a LONG time. He not only was being obstinate about swimming but was now going to complain about his burger and “demand” beef. Puuuh LLLLeeezzzzzeeee! I jumped up and said, “GO TO YOUR ROOM.” I was not messing around. I chased him to the bottom of the stairs and he knew I was serious. When he got to his room I told him to close the door. He did and then he threw a fit and cried. Good. Maybe we’ll get through to him.

We had been planning to go out as a family today. We were going to do a little shopping, including going to a cool toy store, and then out for ice cream. Not Disneyland but not bad either. I told Bob to take Coulter and Sophia and I’d stay home with Kees. This was part of his punishment. They left. Kees cried.

He started shouting from upstairs, “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty……I have to go to the bathroom.” I told him to go. I waited a few minutes and then I told him to come down and he could have a lamb burger. That was my only offering. He came down and sat down. I heated the burger, cut it up and put it in front of him.

I asked, “Do you want ketchup.”
He said, “Yeah.”
I said, “Yes please?”
He looked at me blankly and said nothing.
“Well then, I guess you don’t get ketchup.” And I walked away.
He whined, “Pleeeeeeessse.” in a little annoying voice.
I said from the other room, “You had your chance.”
And he pouted.
About 10 minutes later he asked nicely, “Can I have some ketchup please.” I got if for him. He finished his burger, his non beef burger.

We talked. He asked what Sophia and Coulter were doing with daddy. I told him. When I got to the ice cream part he cried. I told him that was too bad and that if he wasn’t going to cooperate he was going to be missing out some fun things. I also informed him that he wasn’t going to be swimming this summer unless he takes swimming lessons.

I know this may all sound like torture but we are at an impasse with him. He is pushing our buttons just to push our buttons. He has been lying, little lies, but lies. He won’t eat what he’s given for dinner or lunch. He won’t participate in swimming or anything else he’s been signed up for. He’s been saying things under his breath and then claiming that, “I said it to myself.” Ah, nope, you said it to be a pain. He’s been lagging behind when it’s clean up time so that Coulter has to do most of the cleaning. He does the opposite of whatever we tell him to do. Etc, etc, etc….. I am finished and if he thinks he’s stubborn guess where he got it from. He’s 5 and I am a professional. I can out stubborn him any day.

Earlier this week he lied to Bob. We told him to put on his PJs and brush his teeth and then we’d read a story. He put on his PJs and came down stairs. Bob was upstairs and called Kees to brush his teeth. He said, “I already brushed my teeth.” Bob called him up stairs to show him which tooth brush he used. Kees said, “It’s already dry.” What? Does he think we’re stupid? Apparently so…. Bob had a Mexican Stand-off with Kees. It took a half hour and lots of screaming by Kees but he brushed his teeth and finally apologized to Bob for lying. I can’t have him lying and I am glad Bob had to deal with that. I’ve been telling him that I have been dealing with this but I don’t think he realized how stubborn Kees has been.

We’re having a good old fashion show down. Until he straightens out he won’t be doing much of anything. No play dates, no ice cream, no special treats nothing. He’ll be playing by himself. If I have to stay home with him when the others go do something fun, I will. If his behavior doesn’t change we are going to have a monster on our hands.

I’ve been reading Taking Charge by Joanne Nordling. Of course Bob’s approach is closer to what you are supposed to do. Dang it. Yelling is so gratifying but in this case (or Kees if you will) it isn’t going to work. The book says ignore self indulgent behavior and use natural consequences. Deep breath….OK I can do this. I’ll be changing my behavior to get his under control. Wish me luck.

Naked Party!

Kees had a play date with one of his buddies this week. It was Monday afternoon and it’s a standing gig….a play date with Lisa. This week it was our turn to host.

I picked up Kees and Lisa from school at noon. They both snacked on their lunches for a while and then I gave them a bit more. There were lots of laughs and jokes, 5 year old jokes. They were having a fine time. After eating they played in the office for a bit and eventually went upstairs to play.

They played for almost an hour. It was ruckus time. I decided it was time for me to have lunch. I made a bowl of soup and sat down in front of the TV. I needed a break. As I sat there I listened for the kids….not a peep. As any parent knows, if there is no noise they are into something they shouldn’t be. This is true about 99% of the time, the other 1% of the time they have fallen asleep. There is NO in between, none.

I waited about 3 minutes hoping that there would be some noise so I could finish my lunch….but there wasn’t any. Damn. I started up the stairs quietly. And then I remembered that they are 5 and wouldn’t be able to a) pull it together fast enough if they heard me and b) that they were probably so engrossed in whatever they were doing that they wouldn’t hear me.

I got to the top of the stairs and turned into the boys’ room. They had built a fort on Kees’ bed. Kees noticed me and ducked down. I heard, “Hey, smell my butt.” GROSS!! I reached up and yanked the top of their fort off. Lisa, pants down, stared at me WIDE EYED! Kees had on shorts. I guess it wasn’t his turn. I said, “Both of you put your clothes on and come down stairs NOW!” I needed to buy some time.

Kids do this. They’re curious. Neither Sophia nor Coulter ever did it as far as I know and I don’t think I am any smarter now than I was then.

Kees, he’s his own dude. He doesn’t care much about the rules because, duh, they don’t apply to him. When I say, “Eat your dinner.” he hears, “Sophia and Coulter, eat your dinner. Kees, you just sit there make stupid noises.” When he’s in trouble he doesn’t care. He gets a smirk on his face and has an expression that says, “Whatcha gunna do? I dare ya.” He has no concern and knows that the trouble is temporary. He can wait it out.

Sophia and Coulter both are very concerned when they get in trouble. They hear me and respond appropriately. Kees….not so much. And while the things that he does now aren’t so bad he needs to know that I mean business. What if he carries this attitude into high school? I’ll be screwed, that’s what.

I need to respond appropriately, I don’t want to scare them but I do want them to know that private parts are just that, private. They sit on the couch. Lisa sits right next to Kees. I tell her to move to the other end of the couch. She is wide eyed and is responding just as most kids would. She’s freaked out that I caught them. Kees, he’s doing the half smirk thing. “Kees, this is serious!” He doesn’t care. I launch into my lecture.
“No one but you or the doctor (when you’re 5) touches your PRIVATE parts.” I tell them that this is serious and that they can’t be trusted. I ask them what we’re going to do about this. They don’t know.

I decide I’ll call Lisa’s mom. “Hello, Sarah? This is Heather. I need to tell you what our kids were doing. They made a fort and were taking their clothes off and touching each other.” She bursts into total hysterics. I say, “Sarah, this is really serious.” OK honestly, I think it’s kinda funny too but I am sitting in front of them. I stand up and walk away quickly. I CAN’T LAUGH! I walk into the office and whisper, “You’re not supposed to laugh because you’ll make me laugh.” She’s still laughing and says, “I’m glad it was at your house and not mine.” Yeah, me too, NOT! She, jokingly says, “I’m sure it was all Kees’ idea. My daughter would never do that.” She’s still laughing. I tell her, “See you in a bit.” and hang up. All my friends know that, “My kid(s) would never do that.” is a total farce. Only ignorant parents think their kid is above doing wrong. Those of us living in reality know better.

Kees and Lisa sat on the couch for almost an hour. I didn’t make them but I didn’t release them either. After an hour Kees got up. Lisa was right behind. I told them they had to play in the office because I had to keep an eye on them. They both said, “We won’t do it again.” but again, I had to let them know that I thought this was serious.

When Sarah arrived, Lisa was right at the door and said, “Can we go now?” and lunged for the door. She didn’t have on shoes, didn’t have her lunch box nuthin’. Sarah, knowing the deal just told her that she had to get her stuff together. We chatted. All is well. Kids do that blah, blah, blah.

Later on I made Kees tell his daddy what happened. I told Bob that he HAD to act like this was serious. They talked.

I have since talked to Kees and told him that I was disappointed and that if he was going to do that kind of stuff I couldn’t trust him. He finally, after a couple hours of me repeating that it was serious in various ways, seems to be understanding that it is serious. He needs to respect his private parts and other’s. They are not for sharing…..yet. I did leave the “yet” part out.

It’s fine line. I don’t want him to be ashamed but I also don’t want him sharing his private parts. I especially want him to know that it’s really not OK for anyone else to touch his private parts. He doesn’t understand all that and it’s my job to protect him.

This whole job would be a lot easier if our kids could respond the same way, follow instructions and stay out of trouble, but they don’t. I am hoping that the naked parties are over for now. I don’t need any kid naked parties in my house for at least 15 more years. Lord help me….

Oh What a Night!

Tonight has been a tough one. At about 10 after midnight Kees woke up barking. Unfortunately this is a sound that I have come to recognize all too well. He starts with a cough and in no time at all it turns into a full blown croup. He can’t breathe, the coughing gets worse so it’s even harder to breathe, then he gets scared so he starts crying which makes his vocal chords swell even worse. It’s scary for both of us and I always have to make the call, do we go to the hospital or not?

To make matters even worse we are in Spokane. I don’t have his medicine. I have been really good about bringing it in the past but this time….no meds….of course. It didn’t even cross my mind because everyone has been really healthy.

When he first started “barking” I tried to calm him down. Coughing just makes it so much worse. I had to wake up my friend to get some cough medicine. She also got a cool air humidifier for us. She knows how this works. I took him outside first but I don’t think it was cold enough and he was coughing a ton. Next I whisked him into the bathroom, shut the door and cranked the shower on full hot. IT HELPED A LOT AND FAST! Thank God! I was about to run him to the hospital. He still didn’t sound great but he could breathe a bit and the coughing stopped. I took him to the living room and turned on Blue’s Clues. I find that if he is distracted he doesn’t work as hard breathing. Good….it’s all good.

As we’re sitting quietly watching Blue’s Clues, Sophia comes running down the stairs. She says, “My stomach hurts.” and I can tell she’s about to throw up. I tell her to run into the bathroom and I follow. She is shaking and sitting on the floor. She says it’s because she’s sick but it looks like she’s freezing. She swears she’s not. Indeed, she does throw up. Ah, this is why I didn’t go to the emergency room. I am grateful that I was there. She would have been afraid if she needed me in the middle of the night and I wasn’t available. Of course I would have told her I was leaving before I went but she’s 10. She needs her mommy when she’s sick.

This, by the way, is the second time in 3 days that she has thrown up in the middle of the night. There has been a lot going on. Her fiddle teacher died 2 days ago and she has been really upset about that. During the day she seems fine but I think she stews at night and gets worked up. I’m not sure how to help her other than listen and try and walk her through her grief. I’m still not sure if she’s sick from illness or grief.

I return to the couch where Kees’ show ended. He sounds MUCH better but still, I want to sit up with him and keep an eye on his situation. I turn on a Veggie Tales for him. He’s happy about that, or as happy as he can be in this situation. Sophia joins us. She sits on the side of the couch closest to the bathroom. After a few minutes I ask her how she feels and she says she feels better being “distracted”. Her words, not mine.

So there they sat, quiet and distracted but both feeling better. Sleep is way over rated anyway right? I finally had them go to sleep at 3. As I type it’s almost 4am. I am sitting up like the momma bear watching and listening to my cubs to make sure they’re alright. They’re both sleeping on the couch, toe to toe. Kees is propped up just like we’d do for him when he was a baby. Sophia is at the end closest to the bathroom though she seems fine. I’m going to get a sleeping bag and try to sleep in a chair so I am at the ready. The hours at the job are the pits but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s what parents do.