Carl

There are people who move you during the course of your life. People who change who you are at your core. Carl was one of those people.

When I was in 2nd grade (1972) we lived in Denver. We had many friends there, many that we are still friends with today. It was an interesting time for our family and for our country. Our family was going through many changes spiritually, socially and internally. Our country was getting close to the end of Vietnam and that brought our country to a huge change in social consciousness. I remember that it was a very contentious but exciting time. During our time in Denver we made many wonderful family friends but our closest family friends became the Loovises.

Over the years we lived in close proximity more than not. When they moved to Germany, we went to visit them there. When they moved to Tacoma they stayed with us for a long while. Once settled into Tacoma we shared, what seemed to be MOST, holidays at some point of another. Some of my favorite memories include the Loovis Clan and our family sharing a meal around the dinner table. Carl was often asked to carve the turkey and always took a new and different approach. Most of which left the bird in shreds. We learned to like it like that. We asked him to carve because it was always...ahhh....ammusing. I can't tell many specific stories but I can tell you that there was lots of wonderful food, many stories and always an abundance of laughter. Carl loved his stories as much as anyone and would laugh with us even if we were laughing at him. He thought he was funny. He was right.

Carl was also very honest. His frank discussions with my parents made many strong and needed impressions on them. He was willing to put himself in a vulnerable position to speak the truth. That is not only honorable but very brave. He made them see and face the truth when sometimes no one else could. Some of those truths and then the follow up results brought peace and forward movement to our family. For that I am grateful.

When my parents were going through their divorce my mom leaned on me a lot. I, in turn, leaned on the Loovises. I would call Mary and Carl in Germany. They would offer advice and more then anything, they would listen. It was always a tremendous comfort knowing that their steady family was there for support. We didn't talk often but just knowing they were there for me was an amazing relief to me. They supported our whole family no matter what form we took. Both Carl and Mary have been there for us as individuals and as a whole. They accepted both my parents new partners and we were all family. They have been a true constant in our lives.

Carl was the coolest nerd I have ever known. I say that with total love and admiration for Carl. He had a comb over but he wasn't bald. He just insisted on wearing his hair with the part waaaaayyyy over to the side. My mom tried to get him to change it a couple times but he always went back to the same hairdo. Who knows why...

One of my favorite stories was when my mom gave Carl a green tennis sweat suit of my dad's. She gave it to him because she hated it and was sick of seeing my dad in it. What she didn't take into consideration was that Carl would wear it and she would have to look at him over the net on the tennis court. Carl wore that sweat suit strictly to bug my mom. He knew why she had given it away and thought it was hilarious to make her look at it........for years. It makes me laugh every time i think of that. Now THAT is a good joke.

He had a passion for music and classical music in particular. To watch Carl listen to music was often times to watch him do aerobics. He might conduct, or dance, even do ballet on occasion and many times more then a few of us got involved. I remember that one time he and my mom were acting out a murder scene in an opera. There's a picture where mom had a big chef's knife and was lunging at Carl and he had a surprised look and his hands up in surrender. It was hilarious. In the most recent years Carl was on the Tacoma Opera Board. His passion for music and participation on the board will be greatly missed.

I have been extremely lucky to call Carl my friend. We made each other laugh...often and a lot. We spoke in a New York accent lots of times just because we liked to pretend we were other nerds or something from a different coast. Then we'd go back to being just us....regular geeks from this coast. He encouraged my interest in music and for that I am grateful.

I am also grateful for Carl's special friendship with my mother. When she needed a male friend who she could trust Carl was there and Mary supported them as friends. I can't tell you how important that was to her and to me as a model of a healthy platonic relationship. I know what that looks like.

There are so many memories that I could share but those here are some of the most important. Carl passed away today just before 3 pm after a long, hard fought battle with cancer. I am going to miss him tremendously as will so many people. He was precious to more people then I can name. When he was so sick and taking visitors he would get really tired. I joked with my mom that it was his own fault that he got so worn out. If he hadn't been so important to so many of us he wouldn't have been as tired now. May he rest peacefully and know God's love now.

I hope I can be as good of a friend as Carl was. His family is hurting but also know he is finally at peace. My parents and their spouses have been an amazing support during this process. Being where I am and having 3 kids left me at a bit of a disadvantage in the assistance arena. Love I can give. Support I can give. And hopefully over the future months and years I can lend a hand when and where needed. I love Mary, Kim and Kristin and pray that they stay strong and lean on the many friends and family that are here to help. We all carry a little piece of Carl with us and are better for it. Much love and peace my friend.........