T'weens! Just a Bit Annoying!!!!!!

#1 - Kids are a total blessing and ALWAYS a joy.

a) All the time
b) Some of the time
c) Rarely
d) Most of the time but they are tons of work (caveat - only if you want them to turn out as healthy adults). They can create tons of extra work for you and can test your friendships with even your best mom friends.

Hummmm.....Let me think this through. I'll get back to you with my answer.

I will start this with the most important facts. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER!!! She is terminally cool. She is smart. Sophia amazes me with her bright personality, her compassion for others and for how much she loves her brothers. She is loving and I like being around her.

Of course that is most of the time......... The other times are more challenging.

Sophia has a temper. When she is out of balance her temper runs short REALLY SHORT. I get it, so does mine. Unfortunately she has not learned all of her life skills yet. I guess that is where I am supposed to step in and teach her, and man, have I been stepping in lately.

It's a long story but in short, Sophia has a new friend, Carlie. They have been BFF for 2 weeks now. I know this negates the second "F" but they are having a preteen love affair and for them it seems like forever from here on out. This is not the problem. The problem is that Sophia has been spending less time with her long time buddies.

One of the great things about Carlie is that she loves horses and is still willing to play horses. At almost 9, it's pretty cute that they still love to pretend. Apparently at recess they play either horses or doggies. Two of Sophia's long time buddies are Amelia and Claire. They are feeling left out. Three days ago Claire asked Sophia to play at recess. Sophia was already playing doggies with Carlie so she said, "We're playing doggies. You can either be a dog or an owner." Claire had another plan and said, "I want to go on the tire swing." Sophia declined since she was already engaged. Claire said, "Can we play tomorrow?" To which Sophia replied, "Maybe. I'll try." (At least this is what she reported to me.) The problem is Claire heard, "Yeah. Tomorrow." There in lies the problem. I don't know what was actually said but that is what they each said they said. (That is a bad sentence.)

The next day I was doing pick up for the girls. I had Sophia and Amelia already and then Claire came down the ramp.

The first thing she said to Sophia was, "You lied! You said you'd play with me today and you didn't. You're a liar."

Sophia, looking stunned, said, "I didn't lie. I said that MAYBE I would play with you."

Claire - "Naught ahhh, you said you'd play with me and you lied."

Sophia - "No I didn't. I said maybe."

Claire - "No you didn't. You lied."

I stepped in.... "Claire, I know you're upset but you can't call people names. We can discuss this. Tell me what happened and we'll see if we can figure this out."

Claire explained to me the situation as described above and in her story Sophia promised to play with her. Then she went back to calling Sophia a liar. I stopped her again saying that she can't call people names and then I asked Sophia what happened. She, of course, told us that she hadn't promised to play. I said that obviously we had a miscommunication and we needed to move past it. Claire stopped calling Sophia a liar but by the way she looked at Sophia I could tell she was still really frustrated. Sophia may have said, "yes" to playing the next day with out really thinking it through. We'll need to work on that. We rode to Amelia's house where we dropped off Amelia and Claire.

Last week Sophia had an issue with Amelia. Honestly, I don't remember most of the details but it was mostly a miscommunication. Amelia was complaining to her mom, Mary Ann, and Sophia was complaining to me. Sophia told me that Amelia was giving her the "evil eye" and she didn't like it. She she told Amelia to stop staring at her and Amelia would say, "I'm not looking at you." Then they would get in a pissing contest. I will say that I have seen Amelia do this. She may not know she's doing it but I can see Sophia's point. Amelia was still saying that she wasn't looking at Sophia. They carried this around for a week. It was really annoying to Mary Ann and me.

Mary Ann had also shared with me that Sophia had been sassy to her earlier in the week. I had heard this a few times from Mary Ann. I know Sophia can be strong willed but I was surprised. I told Mary Ann that she has full permission to correct Sophia's behavior if she is acting out.

Mary Ann and I decided that we would sit the girls down on Friday after school and straighten this out. Friday afternoon, we sat the girls down and told them that they needed to get over it and work things out. We can help them with the big problems but they need to work on the little problems them selves. We said that we were friends and were going to continue to be so they needed to get along. I told Sophia that she needed to listen to Mary Ann when she was with her. I explained that when she was with Mary Ann that she was responsible for her well being both physically and emotionally. Mary Ann said the same goes for Amelia when she is with me. The girls worked it out, they played and then had a sleep over. Great.

Saturday morning Mary Ann brought Sophia home. Mary Ann reported that Sophia was bent out of shape when she was leaving their house and reported that Sophia said, "I just want a play date with Carlie anyway." Sophia was upset because she had 10 pages of homework to do when she got home. She had been complaining about this homework for 2 full days already. I think her statement was driven by her frustration. None the less, it was inappropriate. Up until that point everything had been fine.

Now, back to the day when Claire and Sophia were arguing. I took them both to Mary Ann's house where she was going to take Amelia and Claire to gymnastics. Pam, Claire's mom, was to pick them up from gymnastics. On the way home the girls were talking and said Sophia was being mean. Claire said that Sophia had yelled at her and Reed, her brother, on Movie Night (We had Movie Night at our house on Saturday Night). I was here during Movie Night and - a) didn't hear a disturbance and b) didn't get a report from anyone that Sophia was yelling.

Pam talked to Mary Ann. Mary Ann called me to give me a "heads up" telling me that Pam was going to talk to me. Again with Mary Ann telling me my kid is misbehaving. I lost it. I said, "Mary Ann, it can't all be my kid. I know Sophia can be difficult but really it just can't all be Sophia." We talked for a while longer and I said, "Thanks for the heads up." but I was still frustrated by more drama!

At pick up I talked to Pam. She talked about Saturday Night (she wasn't' there on Sat.) I told her no one had reported any trouble and if they did I would have helped them work it out. I told her to tell her kids that if they need help working things out, and their parents aren't there, they can come to me. She said thanks and that we could talk about it more later. The kids were standing right there so that was pretty much the end of it. I think we are clear about that but we didn't get to talk about the "liar" situation.

When we got home with Amelia in tow Sophia and Amelia were not talking. I don't know why but they weren't. Amelia said she wanted to wait outside for her mom. I asked Sophia if she knew what was going on. She said she had asked Amelia to come in and play but she didn't want to. After I insisted a few times Amelia came in. Then she went to the basement. I told Sophia, who was sitting at the dinning room table, to go down and ask her friend to play. She did. Amelia was playing blocks with Coutler and declined the invitation. I said that was fine and I was glad she made the effort. I explained that when a guest is in your house you need to make them feel welcome.

Mary Ann came to pick Amelia up and then I had a talk with Sophia. I told her that she needed to start taking care of her issues with her friends. I explained that I have my own problems and I can't be stepping in to "fix" her problems too. I also explained that her issues with her friends were starting to really upset me and cause stress in my friendships with her friend's parents. Then I told her that she needed to figure out how to repair her friendships with both Claire and Amelia and call them immediately. She understood.

She called Claire and left a message. Then she called Amelia and worked things out. A bit later Claire called back. I overheard Sophia say, "Claire, when you called me a liar that hurt my feelings." They went back and forth for a moment and then I heard Sophia say, "Claire, CLAIRE! OK. Let's just say that is the past and this is the future. Let's just forget about it and be friends now." Then there was some agreeable conversation.

When she hung up I called her in. I said, "WOW Sophia. That was great! You did a really good job! I am very impressed with how you handled that." I explained what "Let's let by gones be by gones" means and "Let's agree to disagree." I told her how you can disagree with someone and still be friends. You have to learn how to work around those issues. We all have to learn this at some point or we'd have NO friends. Additionally, she is potentially going to be around these kids for the next 9 years so they better learn to get along.

I have talked to Mary Ann and we have worked our stuff out. I apologized for being snappy the other day. Mary Ann is a good friend and I told her I did not want those kids to come between us. I told her what I told Sophia and explained that I was going to lean on Sophia to solve her own problems. Of course I'll be there to help her learn and figure things out but for the most part she needs to think about and solve most of her friend issues on her own. Mary Ann agreed whole heartedly and said she had a very similar conversation with Amelia.

I am exhausted just writing about it. I know this post is long and drawn out but believe me, the real life thing seemed like forever. I pray we are nearing the end of all this silly drama. I am over it! We need our village to get back to functioning as a calm and collective whole. AND our girls need to learn these life skills. I think Sophia is getting it. Mary Ann and I have many more years that we need to spend together too. My "Momma Bear" came out when she was trying to be proactive and let me know about a situation. At least now Mary Ann and I are on the same page and I am grateful for her friendship and patience. Like my daughter, I can pounce when pressed. I pounced too soon.

So I'll bet you can figure out the answer to my original question. Hell yeah it's "D." I love you Sophia.

Pirate Conversation

Today the boys and I were in the van. While driving down the street I saw a pirate flag hanging in front of someone's house.

I said, "Hey boys check it out! We should get one of those."

Coulter informed me that daddy already bought one.

"Alright! We should hang that out right away. Then we can get our pirate on." Oh those boys laughed.

And then I said, "Then we can be pirates."

Coulter said, "I just want to feel like a pirate. I don't want to be one."

I said, "Alright, we don't need to be pirates, we can just feel like pirates."

Coulter, "We will brush our teeth because we don't want our teeth to fall out."

Me, "Yeah, that's a good idea."

Coulter, "Yeah because that would REALLY hurt."

Fuzz, Fur Whatever....

This morning Coulter asked me, "Mom, do people sometimes call police "fur"?" Of course he meant "the FUZZ."

Just a Few Things

There are some things about being a mom that are great! There are other things that are not so great. One of the things that is driving me NUTS right now is the following.....

My boys are going through a phase where everything that comes out of their mouths must be preceded with, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" It doesn't matter if I am driving, talking on the phone, working on the computer, making dinner, doing laundry, sleeping IT DOESN'T MATTER! And if I don't acknowledge them they just come closer and get louder. They can keep this up for an amazing amount of time. I suppose that this "skill?" will come in handy some day. Maybe as a reporter in the White House pool. "Mrs. President? Mrs. President! Mrs. President? Mrs. President! Mrs. President? Mrs. President!" Yeah, like she wouldn't be annoyed. (And yes, in the future we will realize that we have been wrong all along and understand that as natural multitaskers WOMEN make better Presidents. But that is beside the point.)

Next comes....."Um, mom, guess what." So now I have to say, "What?" Because again, if I don't answer they'll start the repeating routine again. "Mom, mom, mom. Guess what." "Guess what mom." Believe me, by about 8 am I am totally done with, "Guess what."

But that isn't all. Then they bestow upon me their very important information. It is often a factoid like, "Look at that truck over there." or "There are clouds in the sky." or "I went to the Monster Truck Show." Ahhhhh... hello.... I am the one that bought the tickets to that and you went 2 MONTHS AGO! Lot's of times it is information that makes NO sense. "Remember when we were in that dream and it was all blue?" or "Sometimes at school......" and then nothing. Or "I like to play." I try to make sense out of it but really, it hurts my head. Sometimes I even ask, "Coulter, I can't remember your dreams. What happened in it." and he'll say something like, "Why can't you remember??" We go through a lot of those.

Lastly, they have to end the phrase with, "Right mom?" or "Remember mom?" or "Can we mom?" or any other variation that ends in "mom" And I, again have to respond. In this post it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But for me this whole interaction is happening in about 10 seconds. And it is happening over, and over, and over again. By the end of the day I am at my wits end. Can't you just say, "I had fun at school today." Instead of.......

Them - "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom"
Me - "What?"
Them - "I went to school today. Right mom?"
Me - "Yep." (We are in the car driving away from the school. The school that I dropped them off at this morning AND picked them up at 2 seconds ago.)

So that is my complaint today. I love them all very much and am glad they want to talk to me. Some day the word "mom" will probably make them sick. They won't want to talk to me. Maybe then they'll start a blog and talk about what a freak their mom is and how she is always trying to get them to talk to her. Until then, I could use a little less conversation baby......

Igpay Atinlay

Remember when you had tiny babies and you could say anything you wanted? With babies you can say aweful things so long as you say it with a soothing tone. Not that I was saying aweful things but you could.

When the kids started to understand we took to spelling. That was a funny time. One time I said to Bob, "I think Sophia needs to take a B-A-T-H." Sophia responded with a howling, "I don't want a 6a-Y-Z." To this day a 6a-Y-Z is a bath at our house. And recently the kids were sledding. Sophia was spelling, "I am C-O-M-I-N-G." Not to be out done, Coulter said, "I am 10a-2-D-Y." There is some funny stuff when they understand spelling but can't do it.

Of course we can't spell now when it comes to Sophia. And sometimes when we spell in front of the boys Sophia will say what we spell. Ahhh, thanks Sophia. Helpful. Now we have started speaking Pig Latin. She doesn't get it....yet. Everytime we say something in Pig Latin she gets this compleatly confused look. Awesome. We are still able to stay ahead of our 8 year old. Aren't we smart? Not really. I know she will figure it out in short order but for the time being this is working.

So next I guess I will have to learn Dutch. FAT CHANCE!!!! I have tried to say a few things and I sound like a total idiot. I don't know why Dutch is so hard for me. When I was singing I sang in every language you can think of.

SO what next. Maybe braile? Sign language? Any suggestions?

Tootie Toot Toot Tootie

At our house farts are called toots. And when you have 2 boys aged 5 and 3, toots are hilarious. There is never an inappropriate time for laughing about toots, talking about toots or actually tooting. Just saying, "toot" can bring them to their knees. And to toot at the dinner table in front of everyone, well that is like the trifecta of tooting.

We have been trying to discourage "toot" talk. It gets old fast and is annoying for those of us with out the sophisticated mind of a 3 to 5 year old. Kees has taken to answering Coulter by saying, "OK Toadie." That is his version of tootie. He is also fond of saying, "Toadie, toot, toot" just to be annoying to the rest of us. Coulter knows better then to say these things directly to me.

Today Kees kept saying, "R Toadie, too." And I kept telling him to stop it. He got really upset and said it again, "R Toadie, too." I again said, Kees, knock it off. And he said, "No iths a woebot." (It's a robot) Then Coulter tells me that, "Yeah, it's a robot from Star Wars." He had been trying to say, "R2D2" and it kept coming out, "R Toadie, too" so I was getting frustrated thinking he was just being insolent. It made me laugh. I appologised for not understanding. The funny part is that Coulter only heard him say "R2D2" and didn't understand why I didn't understand. Thank goodness Kees has an interpreter. There are times I don't understand at all.

If you have (or have had) young boys I know you probably understand the toot talk. If not you just have to take my word for it. I am sure my boys would be more then happy to toot talk with you any time and show you all the ins and outs of this sophisticated humor.

A Conversation With Coulter

When I picked up Kees and Coulter from school today they were full of information. Part of my conversation with Coulter went like this.

Me, "How was your day today Coulter?"

Coulter, "It was good."

Me, "Great, what did you do today?"

Coulter, "We were building a castle."

Me, "That sounds really cool."

Coulter, "Yeah. And when Aparna's watch makes a noise it is 10."

Me, "What? When it's 10 o'clock?"

Coulter, "No, when it's 10."

Me, "Oh. And when it's 10 what happens?"

Coulter Thinking Duh, I just told you that mom.... "Aparna's watch makes a noise."

Me, "And then what does she do?" Thinking maybe she needed to go to the bathroom or needed to take medication or something.

Coulter, "She pushes a button and it turns off."

Ahhh... Thanks for the information dude.

So these are the days of our lives..... And just one of many interesting conversations I get to have each day.

Side Bar

As a side bar to the Great Wolf Lodge trip.....

Coulter and I were snuggling in bed on the morning of our trip. He looked up and saw a round thing with a light. "Mom, is that a fire thingy?" I told him it was. He then said, "What's it for?" I explained that it was to let us know if there was a fire or smoke so we would be safe. Coulter, still looking confused said, "Why? They don't have an oven here." Our's goes off anytime you turn the oven on.... I had to explain that it's to let you know if there is a real fire or smoke. He's always thought it was just to indicate that the oven was being used.

I Don't Have Anymore Babies!

OK I know you are all sick of hearing about it but I am NOT sick of talking about it. I have had a kid (or two) in diapers for almost 8 years now. If you do the math that is about 10,000 diapers. Dawg, that is a lot of diapers! So I am happy that;
A) I don't have to change any more diapers,
B) I don't have to carry a diaper bag anymore,
C) I don't even have to go over to that section of Costco anymore,
D) If I smell poop stink it's either a fart or someone else's kid. I have boys so a fart can go a long way!

Kees said to me the other day, "You don't have any babies in your house you only have big boys!" He's right. I only have big boys and girls. I have never been a baby, baby person. I much prefer when they can express what they want and you can (kind of) reason with them. Or at least they can understand, "If you don't ______ there will be no_______ for a week!!!!" That gets their attention. Just recently I have started thinking babies are cute again. For the longest time I didn't want to hold one (if it wasn't mine), change it or interact with one. Now they are cute.....for short periods..... generally from a bit of a distance...... if they aren't whining.

That may all sound grouchy but I am done with that stage and I love the new one. Sophia and Coulter can dress them selves, get them selves in the car and buckled and get their own snacks. Sophia can do all that plus turn on the TV on Saturday mornings AND she can help Kees do all the other stuff. Just this morning while I was getting dressed she got Kees dressed. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

I loved my babies, but I am now loving that they are getting more independent. Of course they will always be my babies but I am loving this new stage and adventure. And our adventures are a little bit easier sans the diaper bag, baby bed, stroller and extra clothes.