It Was a Regular Night

Last night was a really fun night until…..  I can’t, nay, won’t, start with the punch line.  Let me back up a few hours. 

This is the first not regular part, it was better than regular.  My brother and I started planning for last night in December.  He and Tina generously invited us out for an adult night on the town as our Christmas Gift.  Our usual babysitter was out….got her wisdom teeth pulled 3 days ago.  Ahh, not so wise….what about us Clara?  What about us?  Well, for the good name of the Bauer-Baker Family I have to say Clara’s Mom, Rebecca, stepped up and volunteered, along with her husband Greg, to watch the kids.  I was and am grateful. 

Bob and I met Rex and Tina at 6:30 at Lucca.  I had never been there so I had no idea what to expect.  We had a reservation and by the looks of the crowd waiting, it’s a dang good thing.  We had a nice chat and the food (at least mine) was awesome.  Honestly, it was the best thing I have eaten in a long time.  I had the braised pork shoulder with polenta and roasted vegetables.  It was really fun.  After dinner we headed across the street to Perry’s for dessert.  We ran into friends, had our treats and finished up our night out.  It was really fun and we were home by 9:30.  Nice.

Here’s where the regular part begins.  Greg was finishing putting the kids to bed.  I was so glad we missed that.  What’s the purpose of a night out if you have to come home and put your kids to bed?  We had a glass of wine and talked to Greg and Rebecca for about an hour.  That’s always fun.  After they left we sat down to watch a movie, Cowboys and Aliens to be exact.  Not the worst movie ever.  It was worth the dollar we spent on it at the Red Box. 

About 75% of the way through the movie Kees comes stammering down the stairs.  Mind you it was 12:15 am.  He said, “I can’t find Coulter and I’m scared.”  I said, “Come here baby.”  He came over and curled up on my lap. My sweet baby, momma will comfort you.  About 2 minutes later he belched and threw up a little bit on me.  These things happen.  I lift his head up off of me to gain control of the situation and he immediately projectile vomits all over me.  I was covered from my neck to my knees.  Bob came over, grabbed Kees and set him down about 5 feet from me where he threw up all over the carpet.  Seriously it sounded like he spilled a gallon of liquid mixed with Jell-O on the floor. Splat, splat…pause…splaaaaatttttt.  Bob grabbed him again and carried him into the bathroom and instruct Kees to, “Throw up in the toilet.”  He did.  A lot.

While Bob was carrying Kees around, I was laying back on couch covered in red, stinky barf.  Apparently Kees had some licorice and popcorn yesterday.  Who knew?  I couldn’t move because if I did it would spill (more puke) on the floor.  I called, calmly to Bob, “Can you bring me a towel?”  He did.  I covered the front of me with said towel doing the best I could to contain the damage, and I moved into the bathroom.  I disrobed down to my underwear because I was soaked through to them. I started seeing a LOT of humor in this situation.  I had on a turtleneck, a sweater and a vest and was soaked through!  Impressive performance. 

By now, Kees was finished expelling and said, “I feel better.”  I asked him to wait down stairs by the toilet, just in case, while I made a bed for him in our room.  He agreed.  I laid down a few towels and made a bed for him on the towels.  I also set a pan out for him in case of emergency. When I came down to retrieve him he was wiping off the end of the tie on his bathrobe on one of my new towels.  In his entire projectile vomiting episode he only got that one drop on himself.  Again, quite impressive.  I stripped him of his robe, grabbed the towel and tossed them down the chute to Bob who was starting the first of a few loads of laundry.  Kees said, “Mom, sorry I barfed on you.”  I said, “It’s OK.  It happens.”  Kees turned and bounded up the stairs like nothing had happened.

I got him settled into his makeshift bed.  I took a shower.  I needed one…..badly.  While I was doing this Bob did laundry, cleaned up vomit from various locations in a 20 by 5 foot wide area.  Luckily, we have a small carpet cleaner for wet spills.  It comes in handy more often than I would like and always for something gross.  I can’t imagine what could be growing in that machine.  He cleaned carpet, clothes, towels, blankets, more carpet, pillows, the couch, under the cushions of the couch and so on.  Gross, gross and more gross….

25 minutes after this whole fiasco started we were back on the couch in different clothes and with another glass of wine in hand.  It was needed.  I looked at Bob and we both just started cracking up.  I said, “You couldn’t write that scene in a movie if you tried.  No one would believe it.”  We laughed for 5 minutes recapping the whole thing.  Honestly, it was hilarious.  One minute you’re sitting there peacefully watching a stupid movie, glad that it’s almost over so you can go to bed and the next you’re covered in your son’s puke watching him single handedly ruin your house like and alien spewing acid.  You can’t make this stuff up! 

So there is our regular night, regular for a mom and dad of 3 kids.  It happens.

Over Heard at My House

While doing math home work with Coulter.... He was supposed to determine what pictures had odd numbers of items and others that were even. He was randomly guessing. I tried to explain what odd and even meant. When I said, "So now do you understand what odd means?" And he said, "Yeah. It means weird."

Kees while trying to help Coulter with his Mad Science..... Bob read off a list of things that they needed to do the experiment. Kees insisted they needed some, "Cornbioxide" I think they do....I just don't know where I put it.

Kees was playing with a friend in the basement and I could hear them talking. His buddy Miles said, "Let's pretend it's Thanksgiving. Here, here is some turkey for you." Kees replied, "I don't want any turkey. I'm having fairies." MMmmmm fairies for dinner.....

Coulter and I went out on a date last Thursday. We were talking and he said, "I think I want to be an Archiabiologist when I grow up." I asked what an Archiabiologiest does. (This, of course, was after being corrected on the pronunciation of the word. I originally said, "Archibiologist") He said, "They find dinosaur bones and stuff. Nah, I don't know." But he still wants to be one.

Coulter Is a Fearless Writer

Once upon a time there was two men. One man said, “I will kick your butt.” “My butts on fire!” The fire was from his butt. It was so hot the world EXPLODED!

THE END

This is just one of the many stories that Coutler brought home from school today. If I have time I will post a few more. Typical boy, there are lots of butts on fire, shooting, army guys, monsters and robots. I was laughing my head off while reading these but the above was one of my favorites.

Have a marvelous day!!! I am because I am marveling at my boy's imagination.

Funny Stuff

A couple nights ago Sophia and I were laying in bed talking about what she wanted to do when she grows up. She told me she wanted to be a veterinarian for horses. I told her that sounded really good and that if she was a good vet and lived in Kentucky she might make a LOT of money too. We laughed.

Then she said, "It will be so cute when the baby horses are born."

I said, "Well the horses may be cute but it isn't always so cute when they're born."

She asked why not. So I told her that sometimes the vet has to reach inside the momma horse to help that baby be born. Sophia said, "In her tummy?" And I informed her that the vet had to reach inside the horses vagina.

She then said, "When I have babies I just want them to cut a hole and pull the babies out like you did."

So the conversation shifted to people. I told her how most babies are born and that a woman's body makes hormones that relax the muscles and tendons so a babies head and body can pass.

Sophia said, "Oh man. I'm glad I can't have babies now. My body is only big enough for....like.....a fairy to come out or something."

We laughed for 10 minutes about that.

COULTER
Coulter has been writing and it is so fabulous. He is fearless. Sohpia was always afraid to get things wrong. Not Coutler. He kid writes. He has to get it down on paper. This is what he wrote on Wednesday.

Today in blocks: I billt a pond. Nexst I made a tunl. I mayd booshes and mud. The duks faretid.

Translation - I built a pond. Next I made a tunnel. I made bushes and mud. The ducks farted.

Why is it always the farting with boys?

KEES
When my computer sits idly it rotates through the photos on my laptop. A picture of Ed, my step dad came up on the screen. It was a close up of his face. Kees said, "There's my grandpa.....and his beautiful face." It doesn't get much cuter then that.

Me and Maria Shriver

Upon first glance you may think that Maria Shriver and I do not have much in common. In fact, we may not have much in common but we do have one major similarity. I'll explain later.....

My dad is a doctor. All growing up we hung out with doctor's families. Mom and dad went to doctor's parties. My friends were doctor's kids. Mom decorated doctor's offices and then their homes. You get the idea, there were lots of doctors around. You couldn't swing a cat with out hitting a doctor. I decided early on that I didn't want to be married to a doctor and I didn't want to go to doctor's parties and be the doctor's wife. Not that there is anything wrong with that I know LOTS of amazing doctor's wives, it just isn't what I wanted to be.

Bob has done very well in his career. He has moved up through the ranks as an IT guy and is now moving into the operations side of things. He worked at the now defunct Egghead.com. Then he was with Banfield The Pet Hospital working in IT. Now he is the CIO and Chief of Staff for the Sunnyside Hospital with Kaiser Permanente. I am so proud of the work he has done and the leader that he is. It's a little funny to me that he is working for a health care organization since that is what I grew up with....health care that is.

Guess what? Bob called me on Monday afternoon and said, "Get a babysitter for tomorrow night. We've been invited to the annual Doctor's Dinner." I asked, "Who all will be there?" And Bob says, "The usual crowd and then all the doctors wives and such." I start to laugh, laugh really hard. How can this be happening? Here I am going about my life and I am now attending a party in essentially the same role as a doctors wife. Nope, you can not guarantee anything in life.

When I married Bob I KNEW I would not be married to a doctor. He was a budding IT guy working in a warehouse doing inventory control. He was smart and was developing his resume. He was going to go far. I knew he would be successful and he would NOT be a doctor.

I have heard Maria Shriver talk about when she met Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's a foreigner with a heavy accent, he's a body builder and an actor. She grew up in politics and was NOT interested in the least in being a politician's wife. When she fell in love with Arnold one of the things that she KNEW FOR SURE is that he would NEVER get into politics. I mean look at the guy. Well we all know how that turned out. Not a politician? I guess you can never say never.

So that is what Maria Shriver and I have in common. We both got what we were not looking for. It's not a bad thing it's just not what we planned. Honestly, I think the fact that I ended up at the annual Doctor's Dinner is hilarious. And I am pretty sure that Maria thinks it's pretty funny that she is living in the California Governors Mansion. It goes to show that God has a really good sense of humor and that our plans often are just rough drafts.

Week in Review

The kids went to Apple Tree Day Camp this week. ATDC is so fab. It was $200 for all 3 of my kids to go for 4 hours a day all week. Not only is it a value it is really fun. They sing songs...all kinds of camp songs, they do crafts, learn a little of another language and this year they had a talent show. One kid got up and did jumping jacks, it was hilarious. Coulter rode his bike as his talent, Sophia played fiddle and Kees chickened out. He has terrible stage fright. Coulter, on the other hand, owns the stage. I was able to do laundry and little things around the house. It's amazing what you can do with a little uninterupted time.

Then last night Bob and I went to a going away party for a woman who is moving to Salem. It was at the home of one of Bob's coworkers. Honestly I didn't expect to have too much fun but we were sort of obligated to go. I had a blast. It started out quietly enough at 6:00. They had a beautiful back yard, a great spot to hang out. They have a 200 year old Sequoia in their back yard. It is awesome. We ended up staying until midnight. In that time the hosts sang a song which, of course, got me going. I sang a few songs. We talked and by the end of the night I was Dr. Leek as deemed by the Chief of Staff at the hospital. It was great and I was glad to meet all the people Bob works with. Bob even got a dinner invitation for Tuesday night since the kids and I are going to out of town.

Tomorrow we have a birthday party to attend and then the kids and I are driving to California to visit my friends Nancy and Dave. There should be some good blogging.

Mom Saves Christmas

I went to a show last night with two of my girl friends. The show was 6 people who were actors, writers, bloggers etc and they were telling stories about their moms. They were hilarious. I thought, "I could do that. I have some great stories" So here I sit today ready to share just one of many stories about a typical day at my house growing up. Looking at this picture you may not believe this story but I swear to you, IT IS TRUE!


It was a quiet day in our house just like any other day. That in and of itself is hilarious if you know anything about my growing up. I don't remember exactly when it was but I will venture a guess... let's just say is was 1978 in the Spring. I was about 13 so that seems about right. It's not that important anyway I am just trying to see if my brain is working.

My brother and I were in the house and we heard something going on in the garage. When I opened the door all I could see was my mom with her head inside a large moving box. One of those that is about 3 feet tall. All around her was a bunch of Christmas stuff thrown all over the floor. Being that it wasn't anywhere around Christmas I was curious as to what she was doing. What could be so important in that Christmas box that she needed to go tearing through it right now?

"Mom, WHAT are you DOING?"

Mom...with nervous laughter "Well I am trying to get our our Christmas decorations because...well...there's a rat in the box."

Me, "What?" I look. "Oh, gross."

Mom continues to stick her hand in there. That rat was going wild. She would stick her hand in there and then it sounded like they were fighting. It was running around and making all kinds of noise. Banging noises, squeaking noises, running noises...you get the picture. I can tell you this much, if I had found the rat in the box there would have been a lot of lost memories if you know what I mean. And eventually she pulls out every last item. I couldn't believe she got everything out but she did.

So now the question is, "What do you do with a wild rat in an empty box?" Mom thought that the best thing to do was to dump it in our old guinea pig cage. Being 13 I went along with this plan. When you are 13 your brain isn't fully developed. If it had been fully developed I don't think I would have gone along with this plan but I repeat, I was 13. And thinking back, mom's brain was supposedly fully developed so I don't know why this seemed like a good idea. Rex was about 9 so he was going to go along with any plan either of us came up with. Anyway.... After buying in to "The Plan" I figure out how to move the rat into the cage, "Alright, you open the top of the cage. Then I'll cut a hole in the top of the box about the same size as the opening." We set up the scene. "Now on the count of 3 I am going to flip the box over and the rat will fall into the cage. Then you quick close the door on the cage." We agree that this should work. We take the cage and the box out into the drive way in case the rat doesn't fall into the cage.

I think we should have asked the next question which would have been, "What do you do with a wild rat once it's in your guinea pig cage?" We didn't ask that question. "One, two, THREE!" I dump, the rat falls into the cage and mom closes the top. Success. The rat is going WILD. It's running all over the place totally freaked out! It is crashing into the sides of the cage at a million miles per hour. It runs around, and around and around until it decides to try an escape. The rat jams itself between two of the bars of the cage. The bars are about 3/4 of an inch apart. "Oh, CRAP! It's going to escape." Mom starts yelling, "Kill it, KIIILLL IIITT!!" Rex and I quickly run into the garage and get shovels and start beating the rat over the head. TONG, BONG, BONG, BANG, SMACK. We're working in tandem like those guys who used to put the stakes in the ground with a travelling circus. BANG, BONG, TONG, BANG....the rat is dead. Really dead.

So now our next question, "What do you do with a rat that is stuck half in, half out of your guinea pig cage?" Of course you cut it in half and remove it. That was mom's plan only she wouldn't execute that part of the plan. She went into the house and retrieved the biggest Henckel Knife we had. She handed it to me with a nervous laugh, "Here." So I sat there for the next little bit sawing a rat in half to save our precious guinea pig cage.

I don't know what guinea pig cages are worth but I think they are not worth as much as my dignity. But I didn't think of that at the time. I was executing the plan as set forth by my mom. Saw, saw, saw, saw, about 10 minutes of sawing. I think, "I wish she would have brought the serrated knife. I think that would have been the "right" knife for this job." As if there is a "right" knife for this. ....ahhh, finally. I pull the head and shoulders off of the rat and throw it in the garbage. I reach inside the cage and retrieve the back half. We hose down the drive way. We clean the cage off and put it away.

It's only now that I think, "I hope the neighbors didn't see this." But how could they not? Really. We were making such a racket. No one said anything but I am pretty sure someone saw something. Thinking about it today I am glad no one came over at the point where we were rinsing blood off of the driveway with the hose. That would be a tough one to explain away.

So that was a little snippet of my childhood. It's a funny story but the funnier thing is at the time it didn't seem extraordinary. It just seemed like something that happened in a normal day at my house. I may have to post a few stories about other "normal" days at my house growing up.

Happy Mother's Day mom. You gave me lot of great memories. I love you very much!

Pirate Conversation

Today the boys and I were in the van. While driving down the street I saw a pirate flag hanging in front of someone's house.

I said, "Hey boys check it out! We should get one of those."

Coulter informed me that daddy already bought one.

"Alright! We should hang that out right away. Then we can get our pirate on." Oh those boys laughed.

And then I said, "Then we can be pirates."

Coulter said, "I just want to feel like a pirate. I don't want to be one."

I said, "Alright, we don't need to be pirates, we can just feel like pirates."

Coulter, "We will brush our teeth because we don't want our teeth to fall out."

Me, "Yeah, that's a good idea."

Coulter, "Yeah because that would REALLY hurt."

Mother of the Year....

I have had a banner week for being a great mother. Not good....great! And I have 3 prime examples to prove it.

#1 - Last Sunday (after church) we went to an Easter Party. It was really fun. The kids had an Easter Egg Hunt and then were running around in packs. The parents were eating, drinking and being merry. Bob, not really being a party person, had enough after about 3 hours. He came to me and said, "Let's take the kids to a movie." I said, "Why don't you take the kids to a movie? I am having a great time." He said, "Alright, I'll go talk to the kids. See you later." He leaves with the kids.

I stayed for about 2 hours longer. I was having a fabulous time. I caught up with people that I hadn't seen for a long time and was enjoying my time as an adult with out kids. I can't remember the last time I was at a party with out my kids. After a couple hours I was ready to go. I said my good byes and was practically out the door. Before I left I thought that I should call Bob and find out where my family was and maybe I could hook up with them. As I was talking to Bob, Sophia comes running out of the house. I almost dropped. And then I started laughing because I was going to leave with out her. I could hardly talk because I was laughing so hard. I was seriously going to leave with out her. "Mother of the Year"...but wait, there's more... Next comes Coulter....AND KEES! They had been there all along and I was going to leave my babies at the party. Yes, yes...someone give me an award.

#2 - If you have met my boys you know THEY LIKE MONSTER TRUCKS!!! They like all things monster truck. They like the music, they like actual trucks, they like the noise, they like it ALL. Well being "Mother of the Year" I made a CD of Monster Truck Music. The first song is The 3 Little Pigs by Green Jelly. You have to click this link...it's hilarious. The boys and I heard this by chance one day and we had to have it.

So after deciding that would be the first song I clicked Genius on ITunes and quickly burned them a CD. If you don't know Genius it is an awesome feature. It picks out songs that are similar to your original choice and creates a kind of party mix. The boys love their CD. They play it loud all the time. I figure I better get used to it because in their teen years I probably won't have a choice.

On Tuesday night Bob went upstairs with the boys to help them clean their room. They jump up on their bed and turn on their new favorite Monster Truck CD. They're cleaning away. And when song #3 came on Bob decided it was time to turn the CD off. He later brought me the CD and said, "Listen to song #3" I did and once again "Mother of the Year" comes to mind. The 3rd song was Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff. You should click on that one but make sure there are no little ears around. When I heard it I laughed so hard. Let me say that at best it is TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE for anyone one under 18. Actually it is inappropriate for anyone as far as I am concerned. Yes the "Mother of the Year" made a lovely CD for her children. Bob and I laughed for 10 minutes. He was describing how Coulter said, "Oh, this is my favorite song." And how he sang along. It took Bob 2 minutes to determine that "Yes, the F word is what they said." and then to turn it off. Now I am wondering how it got on my ITunes. I can guarantee that I didn't buy that CD.

#3 - On Thursday we had a glorious day. It was in the mid 60's, the sun was shining and the neighborhood was coming alive. On the way home from school Kees fell asleep in the van. I pulled the van way up the driveway, opened all the doors, the sun roof and all the windows. I unbuckled his seat belt so he could get out when he woke up. He slept for an hour or so and then woke up happy. Great. Now comes the problem.

I left the van open. I left the van open all night.....and it rained. It rained pretty hard. Friday morning we went out to the van to go to school and you can only imagine my surprise at my soaking wet van. The cup holders were full, the maps were soaked, the seats and carpet drenched...it was a total disaster. The carpet was so wet that later when I parked the van on an incline there was a pool in the front of the van. It's a good thing that it was me and not the kids....oh man. Coulter wasn't sure if he should laugh or be nervous. We all laughed. What are you going to do? Yes again, "Mother of the Year" comes to mind.

So those were my great moments this week. May next week be full of great parenting moments as well. I hope my kids survive me....

Coulter Said

Last night when Bob went to put the boys to bed Coulter asked Bob, "Dad, what does succeed mean?" Bob explains that it means to do something really well or to have a goal and then to do it. Coulter says, "Oh, I thought it was a SICK SEED." He then thinks for a moment and says to Bob, "Daddy. Will you build us a race car track in the basement?" Bob says, "Yes." And then Coulter says, "Build a good race car track daddy.....SUCCEED!"

The other day I was listening to NPR while taking the boys to school. The reporter said that Obama had said or done something that was remenicent of Teddy Rosevelt. Coulter asked, "Mom, who is TeddY?" I said, "You know who that is. Think." He thought for a moment and then said excitedly, "Oh yeah. He's that guy from Night at the Museum. He was a president" I said, "Very good Coulter. That's exactly right!" I was really impressed he knew that. Then he said, "Yeah, he was the president but now he's just a statue." That made me laugh.

Fuzz, Fur Whatever....

This morning Coulter asked me, "Mom, do people sometimes call police "fur"?" Of course he meant "the FUZZ."

Our Economy..... Cheers!!!

Thanks to my friend Mireya for sending this one along....

Derivitive Market Crash.....in layman's terms

At last, what we've all been waiting for, an understandable explanation of derivative
markets ....

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Heidi's drink now pay later marketing strategy and as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar and soon she
has the largest sale volume for any bar in Detroit .

By providing her customers' freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on security markets worldwide.

Naive investors don't really understand the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, their prices continuously climb, and the securities become the top-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses who collect enormous fees on their sales, pay extravagant bonuses to their sales force, and who in turn purchase exotic sports cars and multimillion dollar condominiums.

One day, although the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank (subsequently fired due to his negativity), decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

Heidi demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Therefore, Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKIBOND drop in price by 90%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The decreased bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment extensions and having invested in the securities are faced with writing off her debt and losing over 80% on her bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 50 workers.

The bank and brokerage houses are saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock negotiations by leaders from both political parties. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by a tax levied on employed middle-class non-drinkers.

Finally an explanation we can all understand......

Black Men

I just sent the boys out to the car to get their stuff out. They came in empty handed so I knew their lunch boxes, coats, drinks etc we out there. They have few responsibilities but one of them is getting their stuff out of the car and into the house.

After about 10 minutes I figured I had better go check on them. I knew they were in the car playing. Yep...there they were. Kees was in the drivers seat and Coulter was "riding" shot gun. They had found a couple pairs of sunglasses and were looking awfully cute. I opened the door and said, "What are you guys doing out here?" And Coulter says, "We are black men." Ahhh, that took me a bit back. I said, "What do you mean?" And Coulter said, "Well we wear black glasses, black clothes and black hats." Oh, Men in Black. I was glad to hear that.

Up until recently my kids hadn't really noticed color. It's only this year that Sophia has noted that people have different colors of skin but the boys still don't know that people are said to be black or white. They think that we are all just different shades. Sophia used to think that we (she and I) were of different ethnicity. She once said, "Mommy you are really darker and Coulter and I are BRIGHT." She was right. It was pretty funny.

I am glad that the words that Coulter used were something that he still doesn't understand. That it was innocence speaking. We all come to know about racial differences soon enough. I am glad that so far they see us all relatively the same. Hopefully we can continue to encourage their color blindness and know that by birth we are all equal.

I did correct him and tell him that it is "Men in Black" not black men. He said, "Oh." and kept on playing. They came inside and told Sophia that, "We're Men in Black" and then sang some rock and roll music. And then Kees yelled, "Let's get this party started!" What? They are too funny. I don't know where they saw "Men in Black" but apparently it is in their DNA to know that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are terminally cool as these two dudes that are "Men in Black."

Tootie Toot Toot Tootie

At our house farts are called toots. And when you have 2 boys aged 5 and 3, toots are hilarious. There is never an inappropriate time for laughing about toots, talking about toots or actually tooting. Just saying, "toot" can bring them to their knees. And to toot at the dinner table in front of everyone, well that is like the trifecta of tooting.

We have been trying to discourage "toot" talk. It gets old fast and is annoying for those of us with out the sophisticated mind of a 3 to 5 year old. Kees has taken to answering Coulter by saying, "OK Toadie." That is his version of tootie. He is also fond of saying, "Toadie, toot, toot" just to be annoying to the rest of us. Coulter knows better then to say these things directly to me.

Today Kees kept saying, "R Toadie, too." And I kept telling him to stop it. He got really upset and said it again, "R Toadie, too." I again said, Kees, knock it off. And he said, "No iths a woebot." (It's a robot) Then Coulter tells me that, "Yeah, it's a robot from Star Wars." He had been trying to say, "R2D2" and it kept coming out, "R Toadie, too" so I was getting frustrated thinking he was just being insolent. It made me laugh. I appologised for not understanding. The funny part is that Coulter only heard him say "R2D2" and didn't understand why I didn't understand. Thank goodness Kees has an interpreter. There are times I don't understand at all.

If you have (or have had) young boys I know you probably understand the toot talk. If not you just have to take my word for it. I am sure my boys would be more then happy to toot talk with you any time and show you all the ins and outs of this sophisticated humor.

Where Did She Get That?

Bob got a new XBox game. He likes crashing cars, trucks and motorcycles so that is what the kids get to play. I wasn't so wild about bodies flying through the air and then crashing to a brutal death but the kids think it is all hilarious.

Two days ago Bob and Coulter were racing around. I am not even sure if it's a game or if it's just an open course but they were having a great time. Bob crashed hard, his guy went flying through the air, hit a tree and then landed on the ground in what would have been a horrible death had it been real. The kids all burst into laughter. I mean total hysterics...."Daddy crashed!" ha ha ha ha and then Sophia yells, "He's taking a dirt nap!" OK now I start cracking up. Dirt nap...that is really really funny. I am not sure where she heard that but it is one of my faves.

In all honesty, she probably got it from me. And I got it from my dad. This is going off on a tangent but hey, it's my blog. When I was in high school I worked in my dad's office after school. Those who worked in his office might have called it something else but I thought is was work. There were a few patients that my dad introduced me to. I would always try and be polite and chat a bit with them.

One time my dad called me in to an exam room. There was an OLD lady in a wheelchair. He said, "Heather, this is Mrs...so and so. Mrs. so and so this is Heather." and then he left the room. I, trying to be polite, asked her a couple questions and then stood there. She didn't move. She just sat there starring at the floor. After a few minutes I said, "It was nice to meet you. Have a nice day." and I walked out. My dad was in the hall laughing his head off. This lady was physically alive but had no idea what was going on AT ALL. Funny dad.

There were always a few patients that I liked. One time there was a man that I liked. I came across his file and asked where he had been, I hadn't seen him in a long time. Someone said he was, and then she said something I didn't understand. I asked my dad what that meant and then he let out a string of synonyms. "He kicked the bucket. Took a one way ticket to Chicago. Put on the wooden Kimono (that's my favorite). Was 86'd. He's taking a dirt nap. He's deep 6'd. He passed over." and so on. He really had some good ones. I guess when your specialty has so many really sick people you need to separate a bit. Don't get my wrong. He wasn't speaking about this guy I liked he was just spilling out these terms and being funny. He has always cared a great deal for his patients. Especially the ones that were actively involved in their recovery.

But I digress.... So that must be where she got it. It's funny what your kids pick up. I don't remember telling her that but I must have because she didn't make it up. Be careful what you tell your kids....even in passing.