Thursday, November 16, 2017

Harassment - It's Time for a Change

There is a great deal of sexual harassment that has been brought to light recently.  There have been famous men from many walks of life but mostly male politicians and men in the entertainment industry that have been exposed for who they are and what they have done.  Of course many are "sorry" or "embarrassed" though I believe that is only because they were caught. The worst offenders are those who deny what they have done and/or call their victims liars.  Why would anyone lie about being groped by a powerful man? Most of these women have much more to lose than to gain by coming out with these allegations.  While this is true for many powerful men, not all men fall into this category.  Most men that I know are good and decent people and support women.

Sexual harassment has been a societal norm for, well, forever.  While many men have been warriors, politicians, preachers, lawyers, explorers, professors, etc. Women have generally been the care takers.  We have been put in our place repeatedly and reminded that if we are aggressive, it isn't feminine. If we don't dress attractively, we are worth less.  If we are fat, we are worth less.  If we are unattractive, we are worth less. There are endless things or looks that make us less-than in our society that has been historically lead by men.  The rules have been in place to raise-up men and oppress women. We are shushed in meetings, men take credit for our ideas, men speak over us, we haven't been taken seriously in business and so on.

To make matters worse, the right, the GOP, the party of "Family Values" is standing there right next to and supporting perverts and pedophiles. "Why are these allegations coming out now?" "Why bring up this issue 10, 20, 30 years later?" "Why didn't she say something when it happened?"  I know why.  Because, our patriarchal society has oppressed us, has gas lighted us, told us that "That just means he likes you" or "He didn't mean anything by it." or "If you want the job (promotion, position), put up with it."

We women have always felt the harassment was wrong but the majority of those around us were older and went along with the status quo because that's how it's always been.  If you can not prove what happened, it's your fault.  You are the whore who brought it on, "What were you wearing?" You are the one that was in the wrong place at the wrong time, "Why were you walking there alone? or at night?" You are the one that was incapacitated by drugs or alcohol (often given by the perpetrator), "What did you think would happen if you were drunk/stoned?" You were the one that went on a date or had a drink with the person, "Hey, they spent a lot of money on or time with you. What did you think was happening?" All of that has meant that men are the figure heads and to be believed and women are hysterical and not to be trusted to see what is really happening and certainly not believed.  And, when everyone in power is a man, has a man for a boss, can be fired by a man, or can be negatively impacted by a man, they tend to go along with the men. Who wants to lose their job, home, friends, co-workers, reputation, etc? No one, that's who.  Back in the day, men "chased skirts" and women were to accept it.

In the case of Alabama's Roy Moore, the women didn't come out against him when it happened because who was going to believe a silly 14 year old over the District Attorney? They were children! There are now eight women who are not connected to one another but have similar stories during the same time period of time and many of the evangelical right are blaming the "Obama-Clinton Democrats" rather than seeing the truth, he's a pervert and a pedophile.

I can not get over the BS from the Alabama State Auditor, Jim Ziegler, who compared Moore and the women (then girls) to Joseph and Mary. Moore is a guy who has put the Bible and Christianity at the center of his political career but doesn't seem to understand much (if any) of what is in-between the covers of that revered book, the Bible.  As so many people do, they pick out the parts of the Bible that serve their needs and ignore the rest. I am so disheartened by Christians on the right that I hardly recognize Christianity anymore.  If that is who the right chooses to represent them, if that is who they want to "lead" then I am against them with every fiber of my being.

You may say that "Not all Christians are like that." or "Not all Christians support these men." I know that.  But if you are not standing up for women and shouting loudly that what those men stand for is wrong then you are on the wrong side of this fight.

While I'm at it, the same people who oppress women have oppressed others who are different than they are.  Gays, lesbians, transgendered, queer, non conforming, bi, people of color, people of varying  religions, people from other countries..... all humans deserving of respect that they are due.  The same rights that every straight, white, cisgender, powerful man gets by the "nature" of the patriarchal society that we were all brought up in.  We all deserve to be treated equally due to the fact that we are humans. PERIOD.  It brings up the idea that when you are privileged, equality feels like oppression.  Powerful men are not being oppressed, women and "others" are owning our rights.  If you don't like it, too bad.  I guarantee you, those of us that have been oppressed by the nature of who we are are not oppressing you, we are sick of the whole thing.  We are taking control of our selves and we will not be gas lighted into believing that what we know to be true is anything but that, the truth.

I have experienced sexual harassment and oppression by men.  I have been put in my "place" in the past.  I suppressed who I was and gave up my power to fit into the norm.  No more....

I am raising a daughter who,  I pray, does not have to deal with these issues.  Who won't have to change to fit in.  Who can and will stand up for herself and those oppressed when she sees it.  I am also raising two boys who will support all people equally.  Who will stand up for others when they see oppression in all its forms. And lucky me, I am doing all this with the love, support, and understanding of my husband who is a leader.  He is not only a leader, but a leader who works diligently to level the playing field for all the people he works with.  He also is an example to our kids and that is the greatest thing of all. When you know better, you do better.

Yes, when you know better, you do better.  I highly advise that all men learn and do better.  When all people are treated better, our society does better and isn't that the goal?

In closing, I want to say that there are women who have gone along with the oppression of the "other" and have vilified those who make accusations against power.  It is a broad societal issue but the base is in the power of many men. I also want to say again, I believe most men are good and decent people and stand up for what is right. Most of the men I know fall into that category.  I hope you will all work to raise up your friends and neighbors.  In the end we are in this together and will end up in a better place working together.  I wish you safety and peace.

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