Santa, Fairies, and all the Rest

If you have read my last couple of posts you know that Sophia figured out the Santa situation. It was very sad for both of us. She cried like she had lost a good friend, and in essence she did.

Last night while I was cooking dinner she came in to talk to me.

She asked, "Mom, if Santa is a spirit and Twinkle (her personal fairy) knows Santa. Does that mean that Twinkle isn't real either?"

I stopped cooking, took her in my lap and we talked. She looked afraid and sad already. I wasn't going to lie to her. I knew this was coming and had been dreading it. I said, "Sophia, I am not going to lie to you. Twinkle isn't real either. I am Twinkle."

She started softly sobbing and laid on me. I said, "I am so sorry. I wondered if I should be lying about all this. Would it have been better if I didn't lie?"

She said, "No. It's your job as a parent to lie."

I said, "NO, NO IT ISN'T!!!! Parents are not supposed to lie."

She said, "Yes you are....about Santa and stuff."

I agreed that maybe that was OK. I told her that those were all the secrets, that I wasn't lying about other things. I just wanted to give her a rich fantasy life. We talked about all the stories that I had made up about fairies.

She asked, "Can I make up stories now?" She seemed excited about the prospect.

I said, "Of course you can. I even thought that when this happened that you and I could make up stories and write a book or something. We could really have fun with it."

She really liked that idea and said we could mail it to a publisher and have the book made for real. Then, as a real book, it could be in the library and stuff. I guess only the books in the library are real.

I told her about the Tooth Fairy, The House Fairy the boy's Fairies etc., etc. I told her how I named the Fairies from the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star so I could keep track of the names. Otherwise how would I remember them. She smiled and laughed about all the stuff that I had to remember and the silly things I have done to be a fairy. She asked where the gifts came from. I told her I had to go out after they went to sleep to get stuff. It was a pain but I did it because I love the kids. She wanted to see where I kept her teeth. Yes, I kept her baby teeth. I showed her. Then she wanted to know where the fairy dust was. I showed her. She asked if it was real fairy dust. I said, "I bought it, I am a fairy, it's real fairy dust." She laughed. She seems to understand it all. She's still sad about her loss but is happy to help in the future.

So the cat is out of the bag and her fantasy life is much diminished. It does make things simpler for me. I was talking to Sophia this morning and I said, "So knowing what you do now, does it make more sense why Twinkle forgot to write back sometimes? You know she's busy and has other priorities."

All Sophia said is, "What are priorities?" So I explained that. She agreed that Twinkle did fall down on the job every now and then but it did make sense now.

Sophia is still sad about the death of her fantasy. I tried to make it less sad and recruit her as a helper. She did slip the other night at the dinner table saying, "Mom, Carlie knows the secret about Santa."

I said, "What about Santa?" Total rookie move on my part.

She said, "About how Santa isn't real."

I was like, "Shhh, shhhhhh.... Let's not talk about that here. Not right now!" The boys were right there. Luckily it went right over their heads. She felt really bad.

After about 5 minutes she said, "I'm sorry mom. About what I said."

I said, "It's OK. They didn't get it." And I smiled really big. I could see the relief on her face. I wasn't mad. I remember having to learn when to and when not to say things. It's a hard thing to learn. She is so sweet and wants to help with the boys and their experience.

So that is what is happening here. Sophia is totally clued in. She is sad about her loss but excited to share in perpetuating the fantasy. I am sad too. My baby is growing up. I know this is part of the plan but it's sad to see her innocence slipping away. I am so proud of her and the girl she is becoming. My baby is growing up.