It's the Little Things in Our Ordinary Days

I have been trying to take in all the little things. I want to make sure that I can recall with relative accuracy what this time looks and feels like. This blog has been great for documenting my family and what we do, how it feels and what it looks like to me.

It's been about a year and a half since I started blogging and already there are days where I go back and read some of my entries. I especially like when I read something that I forgot about and am able to take a little of my own advice. I can see my own wisdom. So often we are our own worst critics. I'm not sure why but we all have a little negative voice in our heads. Why? Life is hard enough and I am pretty sure that I am my toughest critic and that INCLUDES my mom. I love your advice mom!!!!

I am not sure why but lately I have been getting lots of signals to notice the little things. For me it is the day to day that I want to remember. The big events are great but I love our daily life. I love to hear my kids playing together. They laugh a LOT. Yes they get hurt and cry or tell on the other ones but for the most part their time together is joyous.

I love the smell of my kids after they have been playing outside. It is just fresh and sweet and lovely. Their cheeks are bright, their smiles abundant and their stories generally hilarious. I find myself staring at them smiling only hearing the tone of their voice and not really the story. Most of the time their stories are hard to follow so the excitement and enthusiasm are much easier to pay attention to. I nod and say, "uh huh" a lot, not knowing what I am responding to. It doesn't really matter for the most part. To me I am absorbing them in the moment for all time. I know that they will only be little for such a short time.

As I sit here I can hear Bob reading to the boys. They get so excited for story time. They each get to pick out a book and then flank daddy for a few minutes. Just the guys.

Sophia still listens to me and wants my advice. We talk a lot and I try and explain life on her level. Yesterday we talked about how silly boys, even the tough ones, can act when they like you. She thought that was really funny that they act weird. She wants to know what it was like when I was younger and how I handled things. She gazes at me with her big blue eyes, her blond-golden hair and a sweet innocence that only a child has. It's precious and fleeting. I want to tell her everything so she doesn't get hurt or make poor decisions. Yet I know I can't protect her from everything and really shouldn't. Some things we have to learn for our selves. I want to hold her gaze in my heart so I never forget her at 9.

I told her that when kids get into their teen age years they often don't want to talk to their parents. She was shocked and said she'd always want to talk to me. I am going to make a contract that she'll sign so I can have that in writing. She keeps asking me to write the contract. I better before this moment slips away.

Kees can pronounce all his letters now. It's great and sad. His lisp was so cute but I knew we shouldn't encourage it. For a while "L" was the only letter he couldn't say clearly. I would say, "Say LLLLLLLeek" Kees would say, "LLLLLLlllll-Week." He started out calling Coulter, "Tohtah" then, "Cohtah" then, "Cohter" and now it's like the rest of us, "Coulter." I knew it would come but I do miss the sweet baby sound of his lisp. He still has his baby laugh but that too is changing.

Coulter is getting so big too. His tiny bit of baby fat left in his face is almost gone. The shape of his face is more like Sophia all the time. The kid has lost all the fat in the rest of his body. I'm tellin' you, if you aren't an Olympic Athlete you'd pay big bucks to have abs like his. The kid is ripped. But I miss his baby fat. He still occasionally makes a specific noise that reminds me of when he was really little. It's a sigh at the end of his laugh, after a big laugh. I can't put my finger on it but when I hear it his baby face comes rushing back. Just another little thing, an everyday thing.

I find myself missing my babies. There was a 2 year old blond boy at church yesterday and from the back it could have been one of mine a few years ago. I found myself missing those babies. I was trying to remember them at that age. Did I appreciate them enough? Was I gentle enough? Why ever did I get frustrated? How could I be mad at a little person who was so innocent and little? Yet I know I did get mad, I yelled. And that is that little voice in my head telling me maybe I wasn't good enough.

So I remind myself that I did the best I could. I did have the joy (and frustration) times 3. There were lots of raspberries on bellies, silly songs, Music Together, books....lots of books, OMSI too many times to count. I am pretty sure they were not neglected and they did and still do feel loved. But I miss those babies occasionally, I am sure all parents feel this way. It's hard to remember exactly how I felt and what they were like. I have snap shots of their beautiful faces and most of those snap shots were from ordinary days.

I will continue to try and capture their day to day in my mind. I want to remember 9, 6 and 4 and how precious they are NOW. The fact that Sophia at 9 will still play fully engaged with Kees at 4 is wonderful. I mean that in the truest sense....as in I am awed by how full of wonder they are to me. I have a hard time sleeping with them all in our bed but I love their little bodies all warm and soft next to me and all wrapped around me. Getting everyone up and ready for school can be exasperating but hearing their stories of lessons learned at the end of the day makes it all worth while.

I am blessed by my family and I pray that they feel blessed by me. Today was just an ordinary day and it was exceptional at the same time. I hope I can remember it exactly how it was in all it's ordinariness.