Time Warp

Time is a funny thing.  When you are little it goes very slowly.  We all remember wanting to be older.   Christmas comes so slowly and then it’s gone in the blink of an eye, and then you have to wait for another like, 5 years until it comes again.  Birthdays, forget about it, those only come every 5 years too.   My kids start talking about their next birthday and what they want to do at said party about a week after we celebrate.  It’s pretty much the same with all special days….they take fooorrrreeeeevvvveeeer to arrive and then, flash, they’re gone.

I understand that it is exciting but when you get older time whizzes by exponentially.  It’s actually kind of crazy how fast.  And when the kids start talking about the next event it’s frustrating.  It’s frustrating because we adults are the ones who facilitate all their good times.  To them it’s all fun and games, to us it is work, LOTS of work and it’s usually expensive.  And when they start talking about the next one it feels like they are not enjoying what we do, as if to say, “That was just OK, maybe good but NEXT time it is going to the most awesome time ever!”  I want to scream, “BE IN THE MOMENT!”  Enjoy what is happening right now, appreciate it, savor it and when it’s over tell me how great it was and that you really love me (and dad) for making it happen.  Let me know that you appreciate all we do for you because it makes it hard to do over and over again without any kudos.  But it doesn’t work that way. 

And I have to do this 3 times per year for birthdays, add in Christmas, Easter, 4^th of July, Thanksgiving, Spring Break, New Years, Halloween, all vacations and any other random celebrations that come along.  All of these holidays require one or all of the following; planning, decorating, dressing up, traditional foods and/or desserts, singing, family visits, attending performances and parties and there is usually entertaining involved.  It’s stressful.  That means every month we have stuff that has to be done.  Kids expect all that stuff to be done as if by magic.  They ask why Bob and I don’t have birthday parties each year.  It’s because I don’t want to do it and if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. 

As adults we first do it because we love our children and want them to have grand experiences.  We want them to remember each event as we would have wanted it when we were kids.  If there was something that we remember clearly as wonderful, we want them to have it too.  Sometimes we are disappointed when they don’t appreciate the tradition or special thing we thought would give them an amazing memory.   That thing that was so special when we were little.  As time goes on we continue to do all this stuff because we are creating traditions or because we want to do better than last year.  As we ramp it up, our children expect more.  It is a no win situation.  We do it to ourselves and it’s a hard habit to break.

I have tried to tone down the Christmas gift getting.  A few years ago we went nuts because we love our kids but….  they don’t love Christmas more when they get more.  It’s a waste of time and money AND I can’t stand the clutter.  Even though we toned it down it was still crazy busy.  It was all fun but I am glad it’s over.

I wanted to boot one of my kids when the statement, “Next Christmas I want……” before we even hit the New Year.  I wanted to shout, “I’m tired.  Can we just relax for awhile?”  But no, we can’t.  Sophia’s birthday is in 2 ½ weeks, 3 weeks later mine, 3 weeks after that Bob’s, Spring Break, Easter, Memorial Day and then SUMMER….. AHHHHH!    If I start thinking about it like that it’s over whelming!  There is never a break and since my years are now only 3-4 months long (or so it seems).  It’s all crammed into this short amount of time.  Hey kids, it’s like having a final every week!

Sophia has started to notice that time is speeding up.  She gets that her years seem shorter than when she was 5 and I’m glad that she is taking note.  It isn’t something that I expected to feel so strongly but I do.  As I do each year I will try and simplify.  I say this a lot.  But then a really fun thing or trip or experience comes along and I don’t want my kids to miss out.  

We have stopped the big crazy birthday parties in lieu of a couple friends and a more intimate experience. We have taken more car trips and less plane trips.  We have stopped hosting huge parties that we cover all costs and started having neighborhood pot lucks.  I am trying to change the expectation from “larger than life” to reasonable but all these events still take time. Part of being a stay at home mom has given me the luxury of time so I can provide many of these experiences.  Bob supports us when we go on trips or when we do something fun and I am very grateful for that support.   Without his support and buy in none of it would be the same. 

I could try and explain all of this to them but they wouldn’t get it.  There is no way for them to clearly understand the speed at which my year goes by.  They will understand when they are 46 IF they have 3 little kids, a dog and a spouse and all the other responsibilities that go along with life.  I am not complaining.  I LOVE my life and family, I just need more time or longer years.  I try to be in the moment and enjoy the day to day, I don’t want to always be planning and doing because it’s really hard to savor my time and family that way.  In the mean time I will be trying to figure out how to simplify and slow down time and if I can’t do that I just need to breathe and hold on.