This is the first not regular part, it was better than regular. My brother and I started planning for last night in December. He and Tina generously invited us out for an adult night on the town as our Christmas Gift. Our usual babysitter was out….got her wisdom teeth pulled 3 days ago. Ahh, not so wise….what about us Clara? What about us? Well, for the good name of the Bauer-Baker Family I have to say Clara’s Mom, Rebecca, stepped up and volunteered, along with her husband Greg, to watch the kids. I was and am grateful.
Bob and I met Rex and Tina at 6:30 at Lucca. I had never been there so I had no idea what to expect. We had a reservation and by the looks of the crowd waiting, it’s a dang good thing. We had a nice chat and the food (at least mine) was awesome. Honestly, it was the best thing I have eaten in a long time. I had the braised pork shoulder with polenta and roasted vegetables. It was really fun. After dinner we headed across the street to Perry’s for dessert. We ran into friends, had our treats and finished up our night out. It was really fun and we were home by 9:30. Nice.
Here’s where the regular part begins. Greg was finishing putting the kids to bed. I was so glad we missed that. What’s the purpose of a night out if you have to come home and put your kids to bed? We had a glass of wine and talked to Greg and Rebecca for about an hour. That’s always fun. After they left we sat down to watch a movie, Cowboys and Aliens to be exact. Not the worst movie ever. It was worth the dollar we spent on it at the Red Box.
About 75% of the way through the movie Kees comes stammering down the stairs. Mind you it was 12:15 am. He said, “I can’t find Coulter and I’m scared.” I said, “Come here baby.” He came over and curled up on my lap. My sweet baby, momma will comfort you. About 2 minutes later he belched and threw up a little bit on me. These things happen. I lift his head up off of me to gain control of the situation and he immediately projectile vomits all over me. I was covered from my neck to my knees. Bob came over, grabbed Kees and set him down about 5 feet from me where he threw up all over the carpet. Seriously it sounded like he spilled a gallon of liquid mixed with Jell-O on the floor. Splat, splat…pause…splaaaaatttttt. Bob grabbed him again and carried him into the bathroom and instruct Kees to, “Throw up in the toilet.” He did. A lot.
While Bob was carrying Kees around, I was laying back on couch covered in red, stinky barf. Apparently Kees had some licorice and popcorn yesterday. Who knew? I couldn’t move because if I did it would spill (more puke) on the floor. I called, calmly to Bob, “Can you bring me a towel?” He did. I covered the front of me with said towel doing the best I could to contain the damage, and I moved into the bathroom. I disrobed down to my underwear because I was soaked through to them. I started seeing a LOT of humor in this situation. I had on a turtleneck, a sweater and a vest and was soaked through! Impressive performance.
By now, Kees was finished expelling and said, “I feel better.” I asked him to wait down stairs by the toilet, just in case, while I made a bed for him in our room. He agreed. I laid down a few towels and made a bed for him on the towels. I also set a pan out for him in case of emergency. When I came down to retrieve him he was wiping off the end of the tie on his bathrobe on one of my new towels. In his entire projectile vomiting episode he only got that one drop on himself. Again, quite impressive. I stripped him of his robe, grabbed the towel and tossed them down the chute to Bob who was starting the first of a few loads of laundry. Kees said, “Mom, sorry I barfed on you.” I said, “It’s OK. It happens.” Kees turned and bounded up the stairs like nothing had happened.
I got him settled into his makeshift bed. I took a shower. I needed one…..badly. While I was doing this Bob did laundry, cleaned up vomit from various locations in a 20 by 5 foot wide area. Luckily, we have a small carpet cleaner for wet spills. It comes in handy more often than I would like and always for something gross. I can’t imagine what could be growing in that machine. He cleaned carpet, clothes, towels, blankets, more carpet, pillows, the couch, under the cushions of the couch and so on. Gross, gross and more gross….
25 minutes after this whole fiasco started we were back on the couch in different clothes and with another glass of wine in hand. It was needed. I looked at Bob and we both just started cracking up. I said, “You couldn’t write that scene in a movie if you tried. No one would believe it.” We laughed for 5 minutes recapping the whole thing. Honestly, it was hilarious. One minute you’re sitting there peacefully watching a stupid movie, glad that it’s almost over so you can go to bed and the next you’re covered in your son’s puke watching him single handedly ruin your house like and alien spewing acid. You can’t make this stuff up!
So there is our regular night, regular for a mom and dad of 3 kids. It happens.
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