Friday, February 24, 2012

The Help

I am trying to teach my kids to do things for themselves.  I believe when you can take care of yourself you gain independence.  Every day that our kids are with us is one day closer to the day they live on their own and I want them ready to succeed. 

The latest iteration of their learning is making their lunches.  Sophia has been doing this for about a year.  I have been making the boys’ lunches.  With Sophia if she doesn’t make her lunch she has to pay for her own hot lunch out of her allowance.  Now that will be the case with the boys too.  They all have plenty of money. 

I put a chart on the wall that has everything that should go into a school lunch.  There   are proteins, fruits, veggies, dairy, snacks, drinks etc.   This way their lunch is not 3 cookies, a Z Bar and chips of some sort or another. 

Our morning routine starts at 7:00.  It starts slowly.  Coulter likes to sit in front of my radiant heater in my bathroom.  He’s really good about getting out of bed but not much good at getting ready for the day.  I have to remind him to get dressed almost every day.  Kees is hard to get out of bed but once he’s up he gets ready on his own.  I still wake Sophia up but she pretty much takes care of herself. 

We head downstairs at about 7:40.  Mind you by now I have told the boys 5 times that they should go start making their sandwiches.  They haven’t….  We all get in the kitchen.  I start making egg sandwiches for breakfast.  (Put toast in toaster. Start the eggs on the griddle.) The boys start their sandwiches.  Today it was peanut butter and jelly.  I have to help them get out the “ingredients,” they get the knives.  I explain that you make the sandwich first and cut the crust off afterwards if that’s how you want it.  Yesterday they used 5 knives to make their sandwiches, today it was down to one each.  They were quite proud of that.  (I flip the eggs. Add cheese and put the ham on the griddle.) Sophia can’t find the cheese in the fridge, I have to find it and get her the proper knife. She needs help cutting the cheese, actual cheese people.  (Pull toast from toaster and add butter. Get plates.)  Next the boys ask if I can help them get yogurt, it’s in a big container.  Sure.  And can I cut a pear and an apple for them?  Sure.  I do all the above, put them in proper containers and then add it to their lunch.   “Mom, can you pour my drink for lunch?”  I do, add that to the lunch. (Check status of the eggs for sandwiches.)  “Mom, can we have popcorn for a snack?” “Yep.”  I make popcorn.   The egg sandwiches are done and on the table for the boys.  I make a smoothie for Sophia and me.  “Boys, does this look like you are done with your part of making your sandwiches?”  Their mess is EVERYWHERE.  They get up and put the “ingredients” away, knives in the sink and bread back.  Coulter says, “We’re making our lunches so you don’t have to do so much.”

Does any part of that experience seem like it was less work for me?  NO!  It takes more time, it is WAY more of a mess, there are little bodies under foot at every turn, there are more dishes, it takes longer and generally creates much more work for me.  BUT….  They are (sort of) making their lunches.  It’s a first step.  It’s the first step in learning how to make their lunch more efficiently and getting it off my plate.  I have to be patient and let a lot of it go.  They do it differently than I do but it’s all good and it’s a little part of their independence.  The boys are proud of their lunches, it’s an accomplishment.

The biggest lesson here is for me.  I have to be willing to work through the mess, crowd and length of time it takes to accomplish their task.  Those issues are why so many of us continue to do things for our kids that they are fully capable of.  It’s our issue, not theirs.  I constantly remind myself of that and that I have almost 40 years of experience over them.   They can’t do it like I do….yet.  I can make lunches and their breakfast in 20 minutes with little to no mess.  But if I do that, they aren’t learning and they don’t get the satisfaction of their accomplishment.  They are participating in their growing up and in our day to day.  It makes them aware of a time line and what it takes to make it through their day.  I have to make sure there is enough time to complete the task without too much stress.  I have to keep my voice tone positive.  This is big.  I am not very patient.  I need to be a guide, not the expert.

So we will be working on efficiency and patience respectively.  I love them all so much and want them to be successful on all levels.  So far they are growing up and shining brightly.  If I could give them a grade they’d all get A++.  Way to go kids….now, let’s pick up the pace.

1 comment:

Marilyn said...

Heather, loved reading this, as I love reading the rest of your blog. Finally got a chance to sit down as Mina is napping and Majid's visiting family. So I get to catch up on your life. Fun and relatable. Mina is helping me make her p-butter samiches in the morning as well. Not as messy as your situation because I still get to have most of the control, but I am just in awe of how fast it goes. 21 months ago, this person could not lift her head and no she tells me p-butter, not eggs or chooses her own outfit in the mornings which is usually have jammies and half summer wear. Anyway ,lots of fun, challenging too, losing myself sometimes, but most of the time feeling so fortunate to be this little person's mom... Thinking of you often- Marilyn