Listening

God gave us 2 ears and only 1 mouth. That's what they say. I know that it's true that most of us speak more than we should and listen much less than we should. I am in that category. It is hard to listen to small people all day especially when they need something all the time. I do not know how many times a kid can say, "mom" before they'll give up but I know it's a LOT. And not only do they say it repeatedly, they say it often. As a matter of fact, it feels like most of their sentences (with in my ear shot) start with "mom." And then it is usually followed by a request.

"Mom, can I have some milk?" - I so look forward to when they can do that them selves.

"Mom, can I have a treat" - I get so sick of hearing that! It's NOT a treat if you get them all the time!

"Mom, can we go to the zoo, OMSI, park." - They pretty much want to be anywhere but where they are.

"Mom, I'm hungry." - Even though the last meal was 20 minutes ago and they didn't like it...no matter what it was.

"Mom, can we watch a show?" - No TV during the week here and it's sometimes said right after watching TV on the weekend.

I am sure you get the idea. My point being that sometimes I shut down my hearing because it's just a lot of noise after a while.

This morning I was in the boys room and I asked Coulter to get dressed. No response. I asked him again. No response.

Then I yelled, "Coulter, get dressed!"

He said, "I heard you the first time mom."

I said, "Well how would I know that? You didn't respond to me."

And he drops the bomb, "You don't always answer when I say mom"

So now I am in a quandary. He has a point. My initial thought is, "I am the mom so I should get to pull the "mom card" out." Except, I am also teaching him how to respond to people when they are trying to get your attention. I don't respond every time I hear, "mom" because I feel like it would make me crazy. That and it is very often when I am on the phone, in the middle of a sentence, talking to someone or when I am in the middle of doing something that requires concentration. It's hard to step away from whatever you are doing and totally stop, move in another direction and then pick up where you left off. It's almost impossible to pick up where you left off. This means that if the kids are around it takes almost double (sometimes more) the time that it would take to do ANYTHING then if they were not interrupting. I am not trying to say it's right not to respond, it's just what happens.

Then there are times where I really listen. Usually these are the times when I have slowed down and really listened with my ears and am able to carry the related experience in my heart. Today Sophia received a tea set from her Oma Sally and Grandma Nicki. She was very excited. She asked me right then if I could have tea with her. I said, "Right now? No." I was making dinner. But then I thought about the timing and decided the chicken wasn't quite done defrosting and would take about 15 more minutes. Yes, on second thought I could stop. So I said, "Let me make some tea and we'll talk." Today was the first day of school so it really was a bit important. She was very happy.

I sat down. She poured. We both added milk and sugar and sipped from our tiny cups. She told me about her day and I just listened. She didn't have too much to say so I had to ask lots of questions. That is part of good listening, knowing what questions to ask. She filled in the blanks and I just took it in. She was so happy with her tea set and all of mom's attention.

Meanwhile in the other room the boys were playing with a board and peg set. As I listened to Sophia sweetly tell me about her day the boys were playing rough and tumble. Earlier they had built a McDonalds with a drive through, multiple levels with ramps and even a porch. They did it together and played really nicely. Coulter explained the whole structure to me and how it worked. I was very impressed with his ingenuity and ability to explain it. They were very proud of their work.

Now they were playing loudly, I could hear pegs crash together and then hit the floor. Simultaneously, the boys were in hysterics each time this happened. While this sounded like fun I thought I had better check it out. Sometimes fun turns into NO FUN in a matter of seconds. When I came around the corner they were laughing so hard that Coulter was almost falling down. They were building swords out of the pegs and then smashing them together which would then send the pegs flying all over the room.

If you don't have boys I am sure you wouldn't understand how you would allow this in your house. If you do have boys, then it's just a Tuesday. It was funny and not very dangerous. This is another thing that you have to adjust to when you have boys. You need a danger scale. Anything under a "4" that really does look like fun you decided to let go. I have been on a learning curve with this one. Yes, sometimes they get hurt but it goes with "boy" territory.

So listening is different at different times. The day to day, "mom, mom, mom" can make you nuts. When you decided to really stop and listen it so often pays off in ways you don't expect. Dinner was a little later then I had planed but that was fine. I could have worked through that time tidying up the kitchen but I didn't. I made time for my kids. Again, I learn something. Or maybe I am just reminded of what I already know in my heart, that when I take the time to stop and listen we are all better off.