O' Solo Mio

It’s been 6 days of solo mommy time as of today. I have spent enough time with my kids alone for long periods of time that I know how to do it pretty well. I’m not bragging. It’s not bragging if it’s true. Ha!

Our time together is different when daddy is not around. That is kind of a big DUH but it is different. It’s also different if we’re travelling or if we’re in town. This time, and I’ll give you another DUH here but we’re in town.

Our house had been pretty much in order all week. The kids have been really cooperative. I have felt sane. There is a fair amount of forethought that goes into it. About a week out I start prepping the kids for daddy’s departure. “Kids, daddy is going to be leaving and I am going to need LOTS of help. I can’t do this by myself.” They all nod and agree to help and not fight and such. Each day as the departure draws near I remind them what is going to happen and that I need help. There is a method to this….

Then on Sunday morning after Bob was gone I sat them all down and we laid down some base rules.
1. I need help.
2. The kids will be in charge of laundry.
3. The kids will be in charge of loading and unloading the dishwasher.
4. No fighting.
5. No TV during the week. NONE! If you ask, you lose TV on the weekend.
6. You need to assist with whatever I ask of you.
They all nod and agree to my terms. What are they going to do? Go on strike? My house, my rules.

There are some things that make it easier. There is no one else to ask for something. The buck stops here. If you don’t like my answer go ask….oh yeah, there is no one….too bad! So there is not much arguing about what is fair or right. I am the decider. He he he…. (That was my best written George W)

Additionally, I don’t count on anyone else to automatically do anything. You know that stuff you put on the stairs to go up and everyone walks past it for days? I always believe, and I should know better, that Bob or the kids will take it up. Once in a while Bob grabs and distributes everything. I am sure that he believes either the kids or I will do it too. It’s a basic thing to think the “other” guy will do it. I think I need to take this lesson into my everyday from here on out.

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I made sure that the house was spotless before I went to bed. Before the kids went to bed they cleaned up all their stuff and took it up stairs. They cleaned their messes up from the basement, office and general space. That part was great. Again, I was the go to guy, the only one that was going to make sure it was happening and clean. It was.

I had my book club over on Wednesday. I made appetizers, a fancy coffee drink, and a delicious dessert. Before hand it was the usual solo mommy routine. Set the expectation, ask for them to repeat it, get buy in and then have them repeat the plan back to me. Great, we have a plan. The kids were awesome. They had their first ever TV dinner. I bought 6 of them and let them pick one. They “cooked” their own dinners, put drinks in spill proof cups and watched a bit of a movie. (This was the exception to the no TV rule!) Sophia put the boys and herself to bed too… They were AWESOME! My friends were quite impressed with my kids and their ability to take care of themselves. Book group was fun for me. It was nice to have some adult conversation in the evening.

Tonight we’re at PlayDate PDX. It is a place with a giant play structure. Coulter had a birthday party to attend at 4 so I brought Sophia and Kees too. They have been playing for 4 hours and I am not sure if or when we’ll be leaving. Oh baby, are they going to sleep well. Sophia was supposed to go to basketball practice but really, who wants to practice at 7 pm on a Friday? It’s way more fun to play…play. All 3 kids are having a blast and I am able to blog. Ahh, the peace and quiet of static noise. It’s lovely.

We miss Bob a lot. Kees has even been a little weepy about it. He really misses his daddy and has asked 3 different days, “Does daddy come home today?” We’re almost half way through this. But as a solo mommy and 3 kids we’re doin’ fine. We’ve been getting’ stuff done, counting on each other and each pulling our own weight. There has been a lot less defiance to help. They’ve even been picking up after each other. Go figure. I love a cohesive unit at home. It’s been really nice.

So what should I take away from this? Count on me I guess. I heard a story this week about a Jewish woman who was a photographer in the US during World War II. She heard stories of Jews trying to escape the Nazi Regime and kept saying to herself, “Someone should do something about their situation.” And then it dawned on her, “I am the someone.” She went out to document and help. It was very inspirational. While my situation is not nearly as dire it is what I am facing day after day. I am the someone who needs to make things happen. Don’t wait for Bob or the kids to pick up or move things, make it happen. When I assert myself, and I know this may be hard to believe, I can make things happen…. it’s fairly easy. I know next week will be fine too. It’s the weeks after that, when Bob is home, that I am worried about.