Tough Times

Raising kids can be a challenge and be fun. Raising kids can be trying and exciting and so much more. Today it was trying really trying.....

Sophia is turning 9 on Saturday. She is having a slumber party with about 6 kids coming over. It was hard to narrow it down but she made her list. When we were reviewing her list there was one glaring hole in it. I noticed that she had not invited one of her best friends. We'll call her Meg for the sake of this blog.

Sophia and Meg are good friends but sometimes they have disagreements. When they do they can be pretty cold to each other. Meg's mom and I are good friends and have helped them work through some of their issues in the past. We sit them down, let them talk and we interject where appropriate and try to teach them how to talk to each other. So far they have done pretty well when we have these talks. Meg's mom and I have been proud of them for how they have handled themselves.

When I asked Sophia why Meg wasn't on the list she said that she was worried that in a group Meg and she might have an argument. If that happened it could polarize her party. She didn't use that word but that is the general idea of what she said. I said I understood her reasoning but didn't she think it would hurt Meg's feelings. She said she wouldn't talk about the party at school. I knew that it would get out but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to force her to change the guest list for her party.

The Evite went out on Tuesday I think. I didn't hear much of anything from anyone for a few days. Over the weekend I heard that some of the kids at school were talking about Sophia's party.

Here's where I am the heal. I didn't talk to Megs mom. I didn't know what to say or honestly, how to explain it. Meg is a nice kid and I REALLY didn't want to hurt her feelings. I had a busy week and pushed it to the back of my mind in hopes that somehow it would just pass uneventfully.

I can tell you this much.....saying nothing was NOT the thing to do. Over the weekend Meg and Meg's mom not only knew but were dealing with Meg's feelings over what was happening. I consider myself to be honest, up front and unafraid to address adversity even if it is uncomfortable. I would rather face an issue and deal with the consequences then run around it and pretend it wasn't happening.

I called Meg's mom and tried to apologize. We were both upset. She was sad and grieving for her daughter's feelings and I was sorry for the whole situation. Sorry I didn't have a better solution in the first place. Sorry that I didn't talk to Meg's mom right away. Sorry I couldn't help Sophia be graceful in a tough situation. Sorry that now Sophia was feeling bad and upset and Meg was hurt. Just sorry all the way around. We talked for a short while. She assured me that it would be alright and I hope it will be. We are all mama bears when it comes to our children. When they are hurt it is our responsibility to make it better. Then the next time to protect them and teach them. I hope I am doing that now.

I told Sophia about my conversation with Meg's mom. I told her that we needed to make this right. And if we couldn't make it right, we needed to try and make it better. We talked for a while and she decided to try and call Meg. She couldn't get through and left a message. She'll see Meg at school tomorrow and is a bit nervous about that. I don't blame her. Having to deal with a friend that you have hurt is hard. It's hard but it is REALLY important to face these issues head on. I am confidant that I have taught her that. We need to accept our part in a situation when we have hurt someone.

So that is where I stand in this tough time. I hope Meg's mom and I can get past this. I feel terrible that I perpetrated some of the hurt and I could have addressed it immediately with her. I wish I had the right answer. I still don't know what that is. Hurting a young girl's feelings is definitely not the right thing.

May you move gracefully through tomorrow, next week and forever and wish me the same. Right now I really need it.