What is My Purpose?

I was at the book store yesterday and was flipping through a few books. One of the books was talking about following your dreams and moving through life with purpose. The woman who wrote the book meditates daily, focuses on her goals and re-evaluates often. Good for her.....

I often think about what I want to be when I grow up. I'd love to go on a trip to help children in need. I could do a lot I am sure. But there are so many in need here. Or maybe I could start a business. I could run a non-profit. Or I could go back to work and save money for my kids future education.

But when I look at all those things I come back to now and the joy I feel on a daily basis. I'm not so sure that I need other things right now. My kids are so very precious to me. My husband is wonderful and our life is really nice. It's not fancy, it's certainly not glamorous, it's not exciting by most standards but it is really wonderful.

I was laying in bed laughing and talking to Sophia last night. As it was all going on I was thinking what could give me more joy then that time together? Climbing a mountain? No. Helping some other kids? No, though I am sure it's fulfilling in another way. A vacation to paradise? No, but I am really looking forward to mine. Learning to fly? No. Being debt free? No, but that would be really nice. So what then? What is my greater purpose?

Is my greater purpose raising 3 well balanced, healthy, smart kids? Maybe. I can raise compassionate people that will benefit the world in their own way. I can give them courage to follow their dreams, the smarts to figure out what they want to do and the tools to be successful.

I feel like my mom learned a lot from her mom. My grandmother was quite amazing especially given the time that she lived in. Both she and her sister left home at the age of 21 and moved across the country in different directions and supported them selves. That was not something that many women did in the 20's. Then my grandparents moved all over the world to advance my grandfather's career. My mother married my dad and they moved all over this country going to med school and being in the Army. Mom supported our family while my dad worked hard in med school. Mom worked hard and helped make dad's career for the benefit of our family. While the moving part may be more common place now it was a lot for a 21 year old in the 60's. And her example of supporting our family has made me who I am. Their work together to have successful careers was a good example for me.

I come from a long line of independent and strong women. Ask me about my great-great grandma in the circus sometime. It's an amazing story and explains a lot about the nature of the women in our family.

As an adult I too was independent. I met Bob when I was 30. When we were new I was the primary bread winner. We worked together to get where we are. As time went on we had honest discussions about who should take the lead. The conversation went something like this.... Hotel guy or computer guy? I say computer guy.... Computer guy took over the primary bread winner slot. We made the right decision. Now I stay home with the small people but it's a total partnership that we have decided on together at each step of the way.

I hope that our example to our children gives them strength, courage and wisdom. The same way that my parents, grandparents and great greats did for me. Maybe they will save the world. Or maybe they'll have an existence similar to ours. I don't know what they will do. If they want to join the Peace Corps then I will help them do that, if they want to be doctors, I will help them do that, if they want to be a stay at home parent I will help with that too. I guess the best measure of success in this arena is if they are happy. If they have a happy and joyous life then I have succeeded in my goal.

I think if we recognize the ordinary things and see the extraordinary in them we can find our joy there. The fact that we have a nice home, in a great neighborhood, with decent schools, wonderful friends, happy times together and a loving family with a good income is outstanding. And I see all that as extraordinary. How could I not be happy?

So it brings me back to the original question? What is my goal? What is my grander purpose? I think it's like seeing the forest through the trees.... Maybe I am in the forest and I am living my purpose and I just can't see the bigger picture. I don't want for much nor feel the urge to redirect my life. That may all change as my kids get older but for now I think I am exactly where I should be. I don't think I will search much more for now. I have thought about this a lot and have wondered if there was something wrong with me for not having bigger goals. Or maybe I was lazy and didn't want to work harder. Though I have never considered my self lazy.

So for now I will be content to concentrate my energy on my family. I want to keep peace and happiness in my home, at our schools and in our neighborhood. Maybe someday I will have a "bigger" goal or find my purpose. In the meantime I will save the world another day and savor my world today.