Mom Saves Christmas

I went to a show last night with two of my girl friends. The show was 6 people who were actors, writers, bloggers etc and they were telling stories about their moms. They were hilarious. I thought, "I could do that. I have some great stories" So here I sit today ready to share just one of many stories about a typical day at my house growing up. Looking at this picture you may not believe this story but I swear to you, IT IS TRUE!


It was a quiet day in our house just like any other day. That in and of itself is hilarious if you know anything about my growing up. I don't remember exactly when it was but I will venture a guess... let's just say is was 1978 in the Spring. I was about 13 so that seems about right. It's not that important anyway I am just trying to see if my brain is working.

My brother and I were in the house and we heard something going on in the garage. When I opened the door all I could see was my mom with her head inside a large moving box. One of those that is about 3 feet tall. All around her was a bunch of Christmas stuff thrown all over the floor. Being that it wasn't anywhere around Christmas I was curious as to what she was doing. What could be so important in that Christmas box that she needed to go tearing through it right now?

"Mom, WHAT are you DOING?"

Mom...with nervous laughter "Well I am trying to get our our Christmas decorations because...well...there's a rat in the box."

Me, "What?" I look. "Oh, gross."

Mom continues to stick her hand in there. That rat was going wild. She would stick her hand in there and then it sounded like they were fighting. It was running around and making all kinds of noise. Banging noises, squeaking noises, running noises...you get the picture. I can tell you this much, if I had found the rat in the box there would have been a lot of lost memories if you know what I mean. And eventually she pulls out every last item. I couldn't believe she got everything out but she did.

So now the question is, "What do you do with a wild rat in an empty box?" Mom thought that the best thing to do was to dump it in our old guinea pig cage. Being 13 I went along with this plan. When you are 13 your brain isn't fully developed. If it had been fully developed I don't think I would have gone along with this plan but I repeat, I was 13. And thinking back, mom's brain was supposedly fully developed so I don't know why this seemed like a good idea. Rex was about 9 so he was going to go along with any plan either of us came up with. Anyway.... After buying in to "The Plan" I figure out how to move the rat into the cage, "Alright, you open the top of the cage. Then I'll cut a hole in the top of the box about the same size as the opening." We set up the scene. "Now on the count of 3 I am going to flip the box over and the rat will fall into the cage. Then you quick close the door on the cage." We agree that this should work. We take the cage and the box out into the drive way in case the rat doesn't fall into the cage.

I think we should have asked the next question which would have been, "What do you do with a wild rat once it's in your guinea pig cage?" We didn't ask that question. "One, two, THREE!" I dump, the rat falls into the cage and mom closes the top. Success. The rat is going WILD. It's running all over the place totally freaked out! It is crashing into the sides of the cage at a million miles per hour. It runs around, and around and around until it decides to try an escape. The rat jams itself between two of the bars of the cage. The bars are about 3/4 of an inch apart. "Oh, CRAP! It's going to escape." Mom starts yelling, "Kill it, KIIILLL IIITT!!" Rex and I quickly run into the garage and get shovels and start beating the rat over the head. TONG, BONG, BONG, BANG, SMACK. We're working in tandem like those guys who used to put the stakes in the ground with a travelling circus. BANG, BONG, TONG, BANG....the rat is dead. Really dead.

So now our next question, "What do you do with a rat that is stuck half in, half out of your guinea pig cage?" Of course you cut it in half and remove it. That was mom's plan only she wouldn't execute that part of the plan. She went into the house and retrieved the biggest Henckel Knife we had. She handed it to me with a nervous laugh, "Here." So I sat there for the next little bit sawing a rat in half to save our precious guinea pig cage.

I don't know what guinea pig cages are worth but I think they are not worth as much as my dignity. But I didn't think of that at the time. I was executing the plan as set forth by my mom. Saw, saw, saw, saw, about 10 minutes of sawing. I think, "I wish she would have brought the serrated knife. I think that would have been the "right" knife for this job." As if there is a "right" knife for this. ....ahhh, finally. I pull the head and shoulders off of the rat and throw it in the garbage. I reach inside the cage and retrieve the back half. We hose down the drive way. We clean the cage off and put it away.

It's only now that I think, "I hope the neighbors didn't see this." But how could they not? Really. We were making such a racket. No one said anything but I am pretty sure someone saw something. Thinking about it today I am glad no one came over at the point where we were rinsing blood off of the driveway with the hose. That would be a tough one to explain away.

So that was a little snippet of my childhood. It's a funny story but the funnier thing is at the time it didn't seem extraordinary. It just seemed like something that happened in a normal day at my house. I may have to post a few stories about other "normal" days at my house growing up.

Happy Mother's Day mom. You gave me lot of great memories. I love you very much!